Conflict Resolution [Open RP]

[Kogami Ayumu]

"IT'S MY SPOT, I'VE BEEN PARKING MY CART HERE FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS!"

'Ugh...'

That shout was right in Ayumu's ear. There may have even bit a little bit of spittle involved. He was in the middle of a good ol' fashioned vendor dispute. He hadn't been back on duty long and already he was dealing with the best parts of the job. Somebody had to solve these disputes before things turned violent, otherwise where would the public order be in their fair village? But why did it have to be him? Regardless of his desire to be present at that moment or not, he was and it was up to him. Their shouting was surely not getting them anywhere. "Look... Ma'am, there's no sort of reservation system for spots on the street to park your cart. It's first come, first serve," Ayumu said calmly, despite the woman's assault on his eardrum.

"That's right, lady. The early bird gets the worm. You snooze, you lose," said the vendor who had secured what was apparently a prime location for his cart by showing up long before the market opened. He was right, but his snide remarks were not helping to diffuse the situation.

"HOW DARE YOU!? I've been working this street for years! We have an understanding here! Does seniority mean nothing to you?!" the woman retorted, her face twisted into an expression that seemed more snarling beast than human. Once again, her piercing yell seemed to rattle Ayumu's brain in his skull. He sighed, wiping his palm down across his face to remove the distinct feeling of precipitation upon it.

"You're not helping, pal. There's a spot right across the street. Couldn't you just give her this spot? It clearly means a lot to her," Ayumu suggested, mistakenly hoping that perhaps one of the two merchants were reasonable.

"Absolutely not! I woke up early for this spot. It should increase my sales by 5%! Why should I give it up for this old lady?!" the man retorted haughtily. He could not have chosen poorer words for his argument. With that, the woman snapped. In a fit of rage she pushed past Ayumu and began slapping the man’s arm in a flurry of attacks as he shrunk to his knees and held his arms over his head for protection.

”Really?!” Ayumu asked exasperatedly, pulling the woman off of the man as her arms flailed all the while.

“Assault! That was assault! You saw it! I want her arrested!” the man spat, backing up several feet and pointing his finger accusingly.

”Nobody’s getting arrested!” Ayumu yelled, beginning to lose his patience. ”Raiden! Children are more agreeable than you two!” he continued, still holding the woman back as she spouted profanities and raged for him to let her at the man. ”That is, if you calm down!” he said to the woman who was trying her best to get free. With a huff, she gave up and stopped flailing, crossing her arms aggressively.

Releasing the woman, Ayumu sighed as he noticed the onlookers that had now stopped to watch. In all honestly, he would rather be putting himself in the middle of a gang fight to stop it than placing himself between these two. He had a feeling they would be more reasonable.

“Fine! At least make her move her cart! She’s blocking customers from getting to mine,” the man said. This was true, she had purposefully stopped her cart right in front of his to disrupt his business and force him to move. Unluckily for her, he was just as stubborn as she was.

’How am I supposed to resolve this?’ Ayumu wondered. It was much easier to solve things with your fists, but clearly that was no option here. As Sennin he had to deal with complicated political situations on pretty much a daily basis. Even that was less of a pain than this was. Perhaps it was because he had become accustomed to mostly civilized disputes. Regardless, if nobody was going to be the bigger person here, there was really only one thing to do. Unfortunately, the woman had no leg to stand on here. The man was perfectly within his rights to position his cart here. Whatever agreement the merchants that commonly worked here had was not legally binding. Even if the man was a jackass. One last attempt, at least.

"You may have the right to remain here, but I want you to think about this: This woman clearly has friends on this street. Take a look around at the other vendors," Ayumu said to the man in a hushed tone. The man probably hadn't noticed, but it was Ayumu's job to notice. Though the other vendors were conducting their business, they were definitely watching. They were giving the man one hell of a collective stink eye. "If you think they won't band together to make you wish you never took this spot, you're delusional. This is really not worth it for you. It'll be detrimental in the long run," Ayumu said as he watched the man looking around at the number of eyes on him.

"I-I... fine... I'll move," the man said, caving in to the pressure of the band of merchants watching him. Ayumu breathed a sigh of relief. Chances were the man was still not going to do very well on this street now that he had earned the other merchants' ire, but at least he was moving his cart for now. The situation was resolved.

"I don't want to hear a word from you, either," Ayumu said to the woman who looked ready to gloat at any moment. That would simply send them spiraling into a deadlock again. Fortunately, she complied. She was smart enough to realize that if the man decided to stay she would be out of luck. The man began to pack away his wears well enough for a brief move across the street. "I'll be watching," Ayumu said as he turned to walk away. He sauntered over to a nearby bench and slumped into it. His job wasn't done until they were both set up and engaged in business, a safe distance from each other. Yawning, Ayumu slung his arms over the back of the bench, watching to ensure no further slapping occurred. He was about to be on break when this incident had occurred, he might as well be comfortable if he had to remain.

 

[Sanageyama Masaoko]

”Slow day at work, Kogami-Sama?” He heard her before seeing her as she approached the bench he had decided to collapse upon. An average day to the market was usually as noisy as the spectacle Ayumu had witnessed. Haruka hadn't expected it to be so amusing though. To see a former sennin perform such a menial task was comical, but the Shima tried to keep a straight face as she approached.

Haruka and Ayumu never shared a conversation that passed the border of business. The only time she ever remembered seeing him extensively was during Hoshikata's confession. The same meeting that probably shaped just how the ANBU felt about her. As her spies worked very closely with ANBU on missions, Haruka had come to know Ayumu only as a liaison between their divisions. When he abruptly left his position to pursue other matters, the Jounin found him deplorable.

Hikari eventually did the same and the Shima thought that maybe this was the inevitability of a Sennin in these days. Especially when she caught of glimpse of Kogami Ayumu's new family at the funeral. She envied Hikari and Ayumu both. To find someone to love that much in their world was extraordinary. Creating a family when all logic tells a ninja they are unlikely to live past the age of forty meant that their love was worth something that could not be contained by laws, rules, or societal norm. Especially for men like Kogami Ayumu, who put themselves in the most dangerous branch of all.

“Do you mind?” She inquired, gesturing to the empty spot besides him. She decided to give him another chance. Not to mention she was curious to hear his thoughts on this elections. His name too had been whispered as a candidate of Raikage. When and if he signaled her to sit down, she would join him. Looking out at the streets, she kept her eyes on the people who went on as if this was any other normal day.

“What do you think of this election, Kogami-Sama? I've heard a small faction of your ANBU have been rallying behind you as their possible choice for Raikage.” He was a strong leader. His men still cried for his leadership long after he left them. Haruka refrained from saying such a compliment. She didn't want the conversation to be misconstrued. It wasn't her goal to butter him up or to convince him who to vote for. The Spymaster was only doing her job.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

There's nothing quite like getting a frantic call from the head of the Kumo Merchants' Association at Ass-Crack O'Clock asking you to please get down to the intersection of Raiden and Shinbatsu streets, on the godrotting double. It's even better if you're naked, hung-over, haven't shaved your legs in weeks, and smell like a million pounds of squid cock. Yes, squid cock. You know, that stuff that old Han men eat with beer instead of peanuts, because we're not in Murrikka and we don't have peanuts and guns and hot dogs.

I was actually in the process of getting comfortable in front of the monitor, ready to make a scathing, 5000-word post on the shinobi interwebs about why poster X is an idiot for liking things I don't like, and then maybe finding some hentai to schlick to, when my phone-radio-thingy starts to buzz and all of a sudden Kobayashi-obaa-san was telling me the sky's falling and the demons are invading again and the cops are ready to shoot anything that moves. My first question to her was: "I'm like, the tax girl of the village. Why the hell am I getting dragged into a turf dispute? Isn't there someone else in my division who actually does this shit for a living?"

"You're the only one in your division, Saeko-poo. There's practically no one in the Main Branch but you!" was her response. Unfortunately, she's right, the sly old bag. Piss on her generations, screw her ancestors, and et cetera. The site's inactive and we're understaffed, so I have to go and do all the crap that a genin might have done in the old days. Sigh.

Hence, I now find myself at the corner of Raiden and Shinbatsu, one of the poorest of Kumo's intersections, trying to reason with the cart-owners. Where the hell are all the cops that Kobayashi was talking about? Does she mean Kogami Ayumu, who's just chillaxing on a nearby bench? He may be an ANBU but calling his lazy ass "armed response" is like calling a kitten an S-class danger-tiger.

Uggh, I can't reason with these people. Call the Shogun, I don't give a fuck.

"Hey, Spymaster," I casually yell out to Haruka, who's also chillaxing alongside Ayumu. What's with the constant chilling out of the higher-ups? "When are we getting more genin, anyway? This is stupid and reeks of a setup for slice of life bullshit."

 

[Kogami Ayumu]

Ayumu kept an eye on the two merchants at odds as one of them packed up his cart just enough to move it across the street. His eyelids felt a little heavy as this wasn’t the most thrilling way to pass time, but he perked up as he heard his name called from behind him. He didn’t recognize the voice straightaway, but naturally upon turning he recognized Shima Haruka. His most vivid memory of her was regarding the whole business with Hoshikata, though they interacted on a rare occasion otherwise.

”Heh, you can say that again,”<i></i> Ayumu responded, chuckling. This was a vast change from his normal duties as Sennin. He would be lying if he said it wasn’t a downgrade, but that was life. The position of Sennin couldn’t remain vacant while he recovered from an injury and took care of family matters. He understood that, which was why he stepped down to begin with. The injury left him unfit to lead a branch. He was fully recovered now, but the branch had a new leader now. Haruka asked if he minded her sitting down.

”By all means,”<i></i> he replied, checking to ensure he had left enough space. She took the seat and immediately got straight to business. He grinned, staring off at the merchant who was now pushing his cart across the street and grumbling to himself. Haruka also mentioned the fact that Ayumu was one of those in consideration for the position, if barely. She wondered what he thought of the election.

”Well, it’s flattering that some support me for the position, but it’s not realistic. From my branch, Akira-sama has the greater chance of election, as current Sennin and as a veteran. Dude was friends with Shinbatsu. By no means do I think myself incapable of the job… as arrogant as that might sound in afterthought… but I don’t intend to run. That would unnecessarily split votes,”<i></i> he said, telling her what she most likely wished to know specifically from him. She was, after all, in the running too. Hikari had left her position and Haruka was obviously next in line for it. It was odd that she hadn’t already been placed in it. She wasn’t a Sennin yet, but she might as well be.

”As for my thoughts… at this point I’m ready to put my support behind Akira-sama, if he is willing to take the position. Shinrya-san-er...sama has only just been appointed to Sennin after the hole was left by Daisuke. You are the clear candidate for the next Main Branch Sennin. If not you two, I don’t believe there are any obvious choices for who to take those reigns. In Akira-sama’s case, while he has just been placed at the head of ANBU again, there are those who could take his place. I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, because there are others in my branch who could take the position as well, but I do have experience and my reason for stepping down has been resolved. The point is, someone can do it,”<i></i> Ayumu said, giving his opinions on the matter of the election. He didn’t know if Haruka very well personally. He wasn’t sure if she actually wanted the position of Raikage. If she did, perhaps she wouldn’t like what he had to say. Ayumu had no desire to offend her, he just believed another was more suited to the position at this point in time. He pulled his arms from the back of the bench and leaned forward resting them on his knees as he clasped his hands together.

”The man has proven ability to lead, and his strength and skill are legendary. He is the logical choice, to me,”<i></i> Ayumu concluded. The merchant he was watching had made it to the other side of the street and was now setting up shop once more, still grumbling. Ayumu lost interest and turned to look at Haruka, wondering what she would think of what he said. He too, was curious of her opinions on the election. Did she want the position? Did she think herself the most qualified for it?

”Well, that’s what I think… how abou-”<i></i> Ayumu began only to suddenly be cut off by some girl casually calling out to Haruka, referring to her as Spymaster. Ayumu blinked a few times and then looked in the direction of the voice to see a young woman with long, black hair approaching. There was something about calling someone out in the middle of a crowded street by the title “Spymaster” that seemed ironic to Ayumu. Who was this crass woman that so rudely interrupted? Whoever she was, she had a point.

”Ugh, I know, right? I miss being a trainee getting dropped on top of a speeding train and tucking and rolling when it derailed and exploded. Those were the days,”<i></i> Ayumu said, having some somewhat disturbed nostalgia for a moment. Sadly there wasn’t anybody that would send shinobi out for crazy shit like that anymore. Now it was all about political intrigue and shit.

"Nobody ever drops me out of a hanglider anymore... it's just not fair."<i></i>

 

[Shinrya Kahako]

There were perks to being the Division Leader of the Sentou Henkan, small recognition of who you were… respect among your peers… access to the ANBU rosters to ensure the members of the branch were taking adequate amounts of down time between missions and guard duty… All of them wonderful in their own right, and by no means should be mistreated.

Kahako was unabashedly abusing one of said perks, and she admitted it to no one. It was a violation of her duties no matter how heartfelt it was meant to be. When people questioned exactly why Ayumu had nearly twice the amount of breaks as everyone else, Kahako would just play the ‘he’s taking it easy after a serious injury’ card, and it would go on unquestioned. It didn’t have anything to do with the near paranoid worry she had for the man. Not at all.

Eventually Saito would put a stop to it when he found out. Ayumu would figure it out for himself if not. He was a smart man, and would realize Kahako gave him some serious special treatment. For now, she was milking the crap out of the situation. Which was why she was walking around, looking for him with a (you guessed it) bento box in her hand.

It wasn’t hard to follow the trail that was Retired-Sennin-Ayumu. She started by asking a guard at the Sileo, who pointed her in the direction of civilian after civilian who recognized his face until she was at a kart market in the Susukino District. When she did spot him leaning forward on the bench, she brightened up and headed his way.

Only to be visibly and verbally barred by a woman who called out the Spymaster and commented about slice of life crap. It wasn't until that moment did Kahako realize Ayumu was sitting with someone else. She backtracked on her original plan of walking up to him, claiming that she was too full to eat her food, and asking him if he was hungry. Slice of life indeed.

Kahako looked at the small light blue box in her hands, suddenly conflicted over whether or not she should approach him at all. She certainly didn’t make enough to share. If the one woman was the Spymaster, Kahako did not want her first impression with the woman to be in this moment precious moment between the couple. And the other sounded like a weird otaku, who would possibly label her as ‘moe’ under these circumstances. Kahako paled a little at the last part, seriously considering tossing the bentou in the trash and calling it a day.

‘Are you worried they might be flirting with him?’ Can a small voice in the back of her mind. “No,” she mumbled in response without hesitation. The mental connection between Satou’s dead wife and her own was an odd one. Kahako had seen all of Sukino’s thoughts and memories, but Sukino could see none of hers. It was difficult at first to find control over the chatter, but with time Kahako managed.

She bit on her cheek a little, still conflicted about the bento in her hands. Sighing, she made a decision and walked towards the trio. “Kogami-sama,” Kahako called out, not wanting to demean his station in front of the Spymaster. When his eyes met hers, she would offer him a sincere smile. It was a little lack luster, like something happened in his long absence, but it was still genuine none the less. “I’m not interrupting, am I?” She lifted the bentou in the air, clearly indicating it was for him.

 

[Norimoto Shusaku]

He was preparing to investigate the missing wallet incident which he gladly accepted from this nice old lady, well not really.
The old hag that lived in the bottom of the district and reeked of moonshine put the missing wallet info on the local missing reports board and since Shusaku had nothing better to do so he took the note and paid a visit to this old wretched beast. She is the reason you get PTSD on the job and keep telling yourself it was worth the 800 yen paycheck every week. Luckily when you will reach the old age and sit in your squeaky chair with slow but steady Alzheimer's the only thing that will loop through your mind will be the foul smell of the moonshine coming out of her mouth.

As he was walking down the Susukino district, he was dodging the god knows what the hell it was dripping from the rooftops. It was green, gooey and reminded him of the soup his grandmother used to make.

Screw you and your soup grandmother!

She was dead and probably spinning in her grave, but time was of the essence and he had no time to be sentimental about his grandmothers soup.

As he was approaching the crossroads he heard a lot of voices, and just as he was approaching the group of people sitting on the Shusaku noticed they were not ordinary villagers. It was strange enough that he didn't really know anyone down here but he noticed right away these people were actually like him, shinobi.

Good evening, are you guys causing all the racket around here?

It was already too late but since the light from the lamps up above was limiting his view he couldn't see the faces of the people he just possibly offended. Just as he stopped right in front of them he noticed that they were actually quite important, Shusaku didn't really know them by name or their positions but he remembered seeing them on important events since they would usually be sitting near the Raikage-sama himself!

Uhh, umm. S-sorry... I mean, I apologise Sir.

As he bowed his head down, visions of his downfall started rising in his mind. He will probably get demoted, not that you could go lower than a genin.

[MFT]

OOC: Sorry, if my text seems like it's written by a kid, English is not my primary language.

 

[Sanageyama Masaoko]

Dude? Hardly the speech she expected from a former Sennin. Even Masao was a crazy old man sometimes, but she never saw such informality. Even that idiot Natsu kept his speech in public in check. She quirked an eyebrow, unable to stop herself from showing a look of momentary confusion and disappointment. “Ahem, yes. A wise choice, Kogami-Sama. It is good to see you seeking the improvement of the village as a whole rather than endeavoring to further your own personal status.” She interjected before he went on further to explain his support for Akira Saito.

She fretted. The man would win based on his relationship with former legends of Cloud. Deny or confirm his own skills, she couldn’t. She just hoped it was not another attempt at rallying shinobi. Ayumu seemed nonchalant enough about his decision, but Haruka knew the man was dead set on his Sennin winning. She wondered if they were close in any way. Perhaps Akira Saito mentored Kogami Ayumu in his youth. It seemed highly unlikely, considering the veteran just pulled out of retirement. And at such a wonderful time too…

Saved by the bell- er, Saeko? Before he could even drop the impending question, the Spymaster heard her title be crassly called out. She didn’t even have to turn her head to know who would address her so. Only one person under her rank could ever do such a feat and not get a nice subzero purge from the Shima. Takaki Saeko, perhaps her most entertaining co-worker at the Torre and her most painful. She wasn’t much like her old man, but some days Haruka saw the relation in a sardonic smirk or incredible hijink. She let Ayumu banter with her. He seemed so comfortable with strangers. How easily he seemed to play along with the irritated Tax Collector. Relating the good old days when missions were actually dangerous. She sighed. Guess she’d play the straight-man as always.

The Jounin went to speak, but was stopped by not one, but two newcomers. She felt herself drowning in all the conversations. This was why she stuck to one on one threads. First was a woman who was- you guessed it- quite moe indeed. Then, the presence of a young boy. One who only seemed interested in Ayumu. She examined his face for a moment before remembering his picture in the files of incoming Genin. Couldn’t place his name though.

“There, Takaki-San. I’ve brought you a genin.’ Haruka informed dully, pointing at Shusaku. Saeko’s complaining would make Haruka smile, if she wasn't in public and in the presence of a former Sennin. Her endless annoyance with, well, everything reminded her of Enjeru. She never could pinpoint from whom their disdain for life came from, Rin or Masao.

[mft]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Hearing Kogami Ayumu speak makes me wet. By "wet" I mean that compulsion to wedge your fingertips below your eyeballs and just press really, really hard. Sometimes when a man really gets me hot and bothered, I also want to stick a Q-tip into my ear and try to tickle my own brain. There are always people out there who you just can't get along with, and that's a fact of life. Ayumu is one of those for me. Sure, he was a friend of my parents, but ermahgerd, the man doesn't understand the difference between a 401K and Warhammer 40K. When I asked him where I could mail his Raikage-Tax statement he told me to put it in the Silly-Hole and then I never bothered to talk to him again. There's a chance that he might have actually said "Sileo Tempestas," but my version is so much more entertaining that it's become immutable headcanon.

Anyway, doesn't he have some waifu to drop him out of illegal hang-gliders and run train on him? I never imagined he'd be the sort to actually mate. I always imagined one day going up to his gravestone and reading something like: "HERE LIES KOGAMI AYUMU: HE NEVER SCORED." But then again, the idiosyncrasies of this world line never cease to amaze me. Before my jaundiced eyes, the cutest god-damned thing in the world is offering him a bento box and asking him to eat lunch with her on the rooftop. Holy shit, seeing this right about kills me in the ass.

~Ooh, baby do you know what that's worth? moe heaven is a place on earth~
~Where cute girls validate self-worth, moe heaven is a place on eaaaaaaaaarth~

I've just died and gone to high school. I'm wearing a denim jacket, sporting a floofy perm, and lounging on the hood of a Charger sucking down a pack of Virginia Slims because teacher isn't watching. But we all know the bad girl doesn't win in those movies. It's the sweet, innocent things like Kahako that win the attention of the derpy but lovable protag. All I have left is a case of herpes. And herpes has no cure, much like the void in my heart. I can't watch anymore. This sort of scene reminds me of the fact that I'm a bitter old woman who resents everything and everybody. Maybe I'll go and cry in the Spymaster's lap or something.

"Haruuukaaaa, I can't deal with life anymore. Everything makes me want to swallow broken glass, especially Shin-hako," I sniffle to her. Haruka smells nice today. I look up at her ice-queen beauty and wonder how in the name of Shinbatsu-Sticking-It-In-Saito my father ever didn't hit that. I think he must've taken a round to the junk later in life and never told anyone about it. Poor daddy, it makes me sad to think about him still.

"There, Takaki-San. I’ve brought you a genin," she says to me. I look at the scraggly Naruto-clone and kind of wish she hadn't. But it would be ungrateful to not at least acknowledge her contribution, though I'm sure it was purely chance and she probably didn't lift a finger to help. At the very least, I can recruit some menial labor into the Tax Assessor's division. I sigh and give Haruka a quick peck on the cheek in thanks.

"Okay, otouto-ya, stop apologizing and join the accounting club already," I tell him. "We're behind on our TPS reports and there's an election coming up for Raikage. You don't wanna see the new leader of Cloud get thrown into federal pound-me-in-the-ass penitentiary on the first day on the job for campaign fraud, right?"

 

[Kogami Ayumu]

If anybody said anything to Ayumu in the next few moments, it would have been lost on him. He was somewhere else now, fantasizing about being a ninja rather than talking merchants out of fist fights and discussing politics on park benches. He was, like, a million feet in the air with two swords drawn and no parachute dive bombing towards a doom train, topped with endless masses of foot soldiers waiting to be mowed down. Only specifically hearing his name was enough to bring him out of it. "Huh?"<i></i> he murmured, looking up to see Kahako with a bento which she was holding up with a smile. She asked if she was interrupting. It was easy to see why she might think so with the crowd that seemed to be gathering around the bench all of a sudden. "Oh, no, not really. I was just about to take a break, actually. You really have impeccable timing. Sometimes I wonder how you manage,"<i></i> he said, pushing himself up off of the bench and stretching his arms to the sky. Now Saeko had no obstacles to prevent her from reaching the Spymaster's lap. 'Seriously, though, the timing and place are a bit too spot on,'<i></i> Ayumu thought, suspicious ideas entering his mind. But those could wait for another time, lunch was here.

"What's that you have? Sorry folks, there's not enough to share,"<i></i> Ayumu asked, making grabby hands for the bento she was holding. Before he could make it to his goal, another face entered the benchwarmers crowd. He asked jokingly if they were causing a ruckus, though if anything it was all Saeko's fault if any ruckus was being caused. He then proceeded to nearly fall over as he apparently recognized some of them. He profusely apologized even going so far to use the S-word as he bowed low. Was Ayumu the "Sir" he was referring to? "Er... relax, kid. I'm not the ANBU Sennin anymore and she's not the Raikage... yet. There's no need to unravel,"<i></i> he said before Haruka presented the Genin to Takaki Saeko officially. 'Wait. Takaki? Oh... Ooooooooh,"<i></i> he thought as realization set in. That was Masao and Rin's daughter, the tax assessor. Now that he thought about it, he had once told her exactly where she could shove some tax document on a particularly annoying day he had while he was Sennin. Not his most shining moment. Apparently her department was recruiting and this Genin might have just stepped into an application.

"On second thought, maybe you should apologize... and beg to be spared..."<i></i> he said offhandedly as he turned his attention back to his adorable girlfriend who clearly everyone was just super jealous about. He held out his hands to accept the bentou, gratefully. He was hungry, she seemed to have his schedule down pretty well. TOO well. But whatever, food. "Why are you calling me Kogami-sama? That sounds so weird!"<i></i> he teased her as he opened the box to see what was inside. Hopefully tentacles wouldn't spring out when he lifted the top away. Would it be more moe if she was a good cook or if she was a terrible cook?

 

[Shinrya Kahako]

Haruka’s writer wasn’t lying about the sheer confusion that came with open topics. They were chaotic, confusing, and usually the most ODC player in the group tried to find a way around the timey-whimey universe they created in only one short round.

But as Ayumu grabbed the bentou from Kahako’s hand, her writer decided to screw logic and fairness. “Shin-hako?” Kahako asked as she looked around her... significant other… and pointed to her self. Who was this lady, and why did Kahako make her want to swallow glass? “It’s your favorite,” she said to Ayumu as she looked back to him with confusion still apparent. “and I was going to drop it off at the Sileo, but a guard told me you were on break.” She laced her fingers behind her back, smiling up at him with her eyes closed. Truth was, Kahako loved it when Ayumu praised her. It made her warm and fuzzy.


But the lovely moment wouldn’t last long. When Kahako heard the magic words, her ears perked. “TPS reports? Wasn’t there a memo on those about having a new cover sheet? I got one yesterday that didn’t have the new cover sheet. I wondered if I would need to send the memo again? I have to ship them out tomorrow...” Kahako said as she approached who she could only assume was a member of the main branch’s accounting department.

It took Kahako a second to realize that maybe she was being a bit on the brash side. “Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to step on any toes.” She said, putting her hands in the air as a sign of apology.

Kahako looked to the poor kid who was begging for his social life, wondering if she could maybe help him with is new and unfortunate fate. “and don’t be too harsh on him Ayumu-sama. You may not be sennin, but you were.” She gave the kid a calming smile. “But a new recruit into the tax assessor's membership sounds like a good position.” Kahako sighed forlornly. “I wish I could find a student of my own,” she mumbled as if she she were talking more to herself than to anyone. It may have been a little underhanded to put that kind of worm in a genin’s head, but it was the only out the boy had at the moment. "There seem to be more students interested in being ANBU than being the ones who protect them..."

And in the end, Kahako wouldn’t accept a student because it was convenient for him or her to take the position. A half-hearted MiT training under a member of the Sentou Henkan would get people killed. But she would have her fun for now.

 

[Sanageyama Masaoko]

She didn't even flinched when Saeko pecked her on the check. Nothing phased her when it came to Saeko. Even though everything the girl did was beyond bizarre. She was like a Ninpocho Chronicles Deadpool (did that make Haruka an equivalent of Spider-Man?). Fourth walls just didn't exist for her. It was quite something. She hadn't expected her to turn out such a way when they first became friends. That Yamato Nadeshiko disguise really threw her off. Alas, it was too late to turn back from their friendship. The Shima found herself thoroughly transfixed by her antics, even if they did interfere with her job sometimes.

“If you're so behind on your reports, shouldn't you be working?” Haruka questioned with a cold stare. “It'll be my ass on the line if I win, you know.” She stopped berating Saeko to listen to Kogami's moe girlfriend rattle on about TPS reports. It went over Haruka's head. She was a shinobi, not a banker. Rather impressive of Kahako to even bother caring though. What was it about the shinobi force these days. They became less of a warrior type and more of a government official. Perhaps Saeko and Ayumu were on the right train of thought. She missed those dangerous and action filled missions.

This poor child was so confused, no doubt, that his writer hadn't even bothered to post. She didn't blame him. Although it irritated her still that he honed on Ayumu. Was she chopped liver? As the medic idly tried her way about convincing the genin to join her side, Haruka snatched up an umeboshi from Ayumu's bento box and chucked it at her head. “Stay away from our genin. We need every last cat catching drone we can get to keep from drowning in paper work. Go steal some AiT.”

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Ah shit, Haruka's noticed that I'm essentially faffing off rather than being productive. I glare at the scraggly kid for throwing me under the proverbial bus and make a solemn vow: he ain't gettin' none for a LONG time. The beauty of the whole thing is that I have to do very little to make this happen. He's probably the kind of guy who doesn't wash his hair because he thinks having greasy locks falling everywhere looks cool in the mirror, right alongside his rimless coke-bottle glasses, preteen acne, and Cloud village standard-issue genin forehead protector, otherwise known as "PUSSY DEFLECTOR MARK 1." Honestly, he couldn't do better if he wore a fedora.

In this moment, I am euphoric.

"Milady Shima-sama, please forgive me for this transgression," I say to Haruka while turning on the full force of my yamato nadeshiko. The key to getting by at work is to know what appeals to the assorted egos of the people above you. I even curtsey to her to make it extra special, all while batting my eyelashes. "I swear to protect your purity from the horrors of a women's correctional facility, where orange is the new black, sanitary pads are a lethal weapon, and sisterhoods form over quittin' that crack pipe, gettin' the rugrats back from CPS, and making sure your man ain't stickin' it in your sister back home."

That's the sort of declaration of loyalty that you only see in Weaboo death poetry and Kurosawa films. Actually, the last one was kind of redundant. I'm sure Haruka is undoubtedly floored by the force of my proper-lady-ness, given her expression. Now, I desperately seek to continue slacking rather than actually getting to work on those...reports. My unlikely salvation comes in the form of Kahako, who's actually deigning to talk with me. This is that weird moment in 80's films where the main girl talks with the cigarette-chomping bad girl and tries to be nice. I want to rebuff her with all my heart, but I just can't. It's the sheer cuteness and charm she has. Also, she's talking about TPS reports and cover sheets. That makes me want to smother her - in a good way, though.

"Don't worry, you don't have to include the new sheet until the end of the week," I gush. "We have a surplus of the old sheets so management is trying to get those used up before we switch." Not strictly true, but I'm trying to flirt with a cutie here. "If you like, I'll backtrace the memo so that the consequences will be the same, and make sure you didn't dun goof. Here's my card," I say, and timidly present to her my contact info.

___________________________
Takaki Saeko
Takes all your money
to fund an oppressive police state

Suite 101, Legation of Kumo
Phone: 867-5309
"You want it done fast, or you want it done right?"
______________________________​

 

[Kogami Ayumu]

Ayumu took a moment to question why a random guard apparently knew exactly when he was going to be on break, but as he opened the bento box those questioning thoughts slipped away as the primal urge to feed took hold. He grinned sheepishly as he picked up the chopsticks enclosed inside and prepared to feast. The glorious bento box included some of Ayumu's favorite foods. There were a couple of onigiri, some hotdog pieces sliced to look like octopus, some strawberries, and apparently a single umeboshi. The umeboshi must have fallen in by mistake. There was also brocoli, but Ayumu chose to ignore that while he drooled over his food for the moment.

Kahako told Ayumu not to be so harsh with the Genin prompting a shrug in response. "I'm just saying he can relax," he said as he turned his attention back to his food. He noted that Kahako had shifted from calling him Kogami-sama to Ayumu-sama. A step in the right direction, but still weird considering what she called him when they weren't in public. As Ayumu popped a hotdog octopus in his mouth he listened as the women fought over the Genin being in their branches. Ayumu was fine with staying out of it until Haruka crossed the line and violated the sanctity of a man's lunch stealing a piece and lobbing it at Kahako. "Wha- hey!" Ayumu exclaimed before realizing it was just an umeboshi, nothing to get worked up over. Haruka marked her claim on the Genin herself, suggesting Kahako steal ANBU in Training instead. Ayumu quickly chewed the bite he was working on and swallowed it before making his interjection.

"Hey, hire some temps to do your paperwork and both of you stay away from my trainees... and my food," Ayumu said before popping another hotdog bit. "Oh wait, I guess they're not really mine anymore. Still getting out of the Sennin mindset. But anyway, the Main Branch is the largest, you guys can spare a few Genin. Don't be so stingy!" Ayumu said while poking at the brocoli in his bento box as if he was trying to make it disappear. Saeko and Kahako were now discussing memos for some reason. Saeko was getting really oddly excited, a little uncomfortably so. She held out her card and Ayumu craned his neck to snoop and see what it said. "You want it done fast, or you want it done right?"

"Wow, did you put an innuendo on your business card?" Ayumu asked before snagging a strawberry and tossing it down.

 

[Shinrya Kahako]

Well, Takaki Saeko certainly had a colorful way of brown-nosing, that was certain. She accepted Takaki’s card with a gentle smile. Two hands, not one, and she inspected it thoroughly while hold onto it like it was the most precious thing in the world.

Sometimes, twelve years of strict mannerisms beaten into you had its payoffs. "Wha- hey!" Hearing Ayumu’s plight, Kahako’s head snapped around just in time to see a small pink blob head straight for her head. *catch* Only to be replaced with the black fabric of her glove. “Stay away from our genin. We need every last cat catching drone we can get to keep from drowning in paper work. Go steal some AiT.” She lowered her wrist to see what exactly the Lady Shima assaulted her with.

Of course Kahako knew the name Shima Haruka. Long before her entering the Academy she knew the clan Shima. Kahako, like Haruka, came from a clan whose wealth was established in trade. The difference? The Higa name was only a drop in the pond that the Shima controlled. As a girl she remembered whispers from her father. To be in the good graces of a Shima meant your trade and your family was set for eternity. Kahako wondered how different, or similar the two of them really were. Especially now that Kahako threw her name away.

Ayumu was the first to respond. "Hey, hire some temps to do your paperwork and both of you stay away from my trainees... and my food," Ayumu said before popping another hotdog bit. "Oh wait, I guess they're not really mine anymore. Still getting out of the Sennin mindset. But anyway, the Main Branch is the largest, you guys can spare a few Genin. Don't be so stingy!"

“Shima-sama,” Kahako countered as she flipped the umeboshi to the tips of her forefinger and thumb. “Should you become Raikage, the Main Branch will no longer be your only concern.” Popping the pickled plum in her mouth, Kahako reveled in the strong bitter taste before swallowing. “One uneven pillar made of sand will cause the entire castle to crumble.”

When her sour pucker passed, Kahako offered the Shima another smile. This one, however, did not reach her eyes quite like the others before it did. She was neither cold nor hostile, but the playful glint she had within them was gone. Instead her eyes held a silent warning. ‘Do not discount my branch, nor misplace my kindness for air-headedness.’ For no matter what she said, or how she said it, at the end of the day Kahako was still a kunoichi and a medical chief. She did not skip into the position by singing about princes and making bento boxes for main characters.

Before she turned away the sharpness was gone. She meant no ill will towards Haruka and replaced her short-lived cold eyes with the once more calm smile. “But thank you Takaki-san,” Kahako said fully turning back to Saeko. “Mind if I call on you should I have other ques-” "Wow, did you put an innuendo on your business card?"

The question derailed Kahako’s thought. A small wrinkle between her eyes scrunched up in confusion before looking back down at the card. She blinked only once before picking up on the last sentence. Her ears turned a slight pink, catching the exact way Ayumu read it. “Ayumu-sama!” Kahako admonished. Now she had thoughts of him saying it to her. And those thoughts spiraled quickly from there. Very quickly. Her ears darkened to a hue of red. “Eat your broccoli please.” She finished, carefully placing Saeko’s card in her breast pocket.

MFT

 

[Sanageyama Masaoko]

The Shima smirked sardonically at Kahako. The sudden flourish of her fangs was quite entertaining. Haruka did nothing but chuckle under her breath. There wasn't much else to do facing that kind of attitude. The words Kahako said did stick with her though. The dark haired shinobi found it very odd to be considered a Raikage even so. She was in the running, but she never thought she'd actually win. Even then, she didn't know if she wanted to. Despite what her competitors said, Haruka wasn't doing much to reach for voter support. She tried to lay low these days.

“Its rather shameful to use such tactics to get out of work, Takaki-San.” Haruka scolded, turning on Saeko now. The Shima folded her arms, staring down the offspring of the ghost she chased everyday. “Although, you get points for trying so hard.” Haruka lightened up, shaking her head. I can't believe I let her get away with so much. She sighed audibly, then rose. Perhaps it was time to leave. The commotion had destroyed her intentions. There would be no peace to speak with Ayumu further today it seemed. Not to mention the crowd wasn't something Haruka was good at dealing with.

“Someone has to do the work at the Torre. I suppose it will be me today.” The Shima bowed to the group. “Kogami-Sama, I have business to discuss with you at a better time. I'll have my couriers send over an invitation to meet at a later date. Enjoy your meal. Farwell.” She nodded her head to the group before turning towards the Torre. It was better to see where the pieces would fall before taking such a step anyways.

[TLUS]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Kahako knows how to accept a card politely. That makes me feel warm and mushy inside, almost like I have a bad case of gastroenteritis. Her severe cuteness is completely wasted on Kogami Ayumu. I wonder how they got together. The only plausible scenarios that come to mind are 1) Kahako is actually a total predator and selects her prey based on their dumbassery quotient, and 2) Ayumu tripped over a banana peel, fell face-first between her legs, and now both of them feel like they have to get married because the alternative is to explain to both sets of parents and a shotgun why there's a baby crying in the house.

The fact that she's trying to intimidate Haruka is also super-effective. Nothing gets me hot and bothered like a good tsundere. It's the same type of charm as when you're handling a live grenade, or stroking a hedgehog with your face. Oh Kahako, my moeblob, I'll liberate you from those dorky talons of Ayumu misunderstanding! I'll show you how a cute girl should be treated, and that involves a lot of chocolate and champagne! I'll...

"Wow, did you put an innuendo on your business card?"

Taking shots of Drano might be more pleasurable than listening to Ayumu. I cast a look of "did you really just friggin' say that?" at the man and don't bother to dignify his question with a response. It's clear that he's also upset my poor Kahako too, because she turns this adorable shade of red and what kills me is that I'm too pissed off to enjoy it. I swear, one day I'm gonna cut something of his off and hide it in the woods. We're all better off without that particular item menacing the village. Kahako will be spared more embarrassment and the ANBU corps might actually become less autistic. I'm talking, of course, about his W-4.

And oh god, now Haruka's dogpiling me too. I have to get away from this place. Kahako's got my number, and that's all I care about right now. Maybe she'll call me tonight while we're both wearing flannel PJ's and lounging around in our beds. We'll talk about girly things and I'll try to get her to break up with the derp-tagonist. She's too good for him, I'll tell her, and spend hours whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I'll invite her to go out on a date on Sunday, and we'll walk 'round the Torre plaza enjoying tako-yaki that's way too hot to eat. I'll dab a stray spot of sauce away from her lip and make her blush, and we'll both giggle about the travails of being single women.

Meanwhile, Kogami Ayumu can shove his head up his silly-hole and let one rip!

[TLUS]

 

[Kogami Ayumu]

The reactions from his question could not have been more pleasing to Ayumu. Kahako was quick to become her adorable embarrassed self, chastising him and insisting he eat his broccoli. (He wasn't going to, of course.) Meanwhile, Saeko's expression was just priceless. Ayumu donned his troll-iest grin as she shot him a look and then turned back to Kahako for a moment and then left without another word. Ayumu was holding back a laugh when Haruka spoke up and announced that she was leaving. She requested to meet with him some other time when there weren't so many characters in the same thread. "Of course, at your convenience. Enjoy the rest of your day," he responded bowing his head in response as she departed. Now all who remained were Ayumu, Kahako, and the kid who had gone silent since arriving. The bench would have been a fine place to each lunch, but it felt a bit awkward with the third wheel around.

"Well, Kahako, how about we find a good place to share this? I've got some time to kill," he said, putting the lid on the bento box for the moment, as much as it pained him to pause his meal. He figured perhaps they could head home for a spell and check on Susumu and the babysitter. Otherwise, perhaps they could find a nice rooftop and eat on it like ninjas are wont to do. "Maybe we can discuss how your timing is so impeccable..." Ayumu said, putting his arm around her shoulders and guiding her off. Yes, they would have a nice conversation about that.

[TLUS]

 

[Shinrya Kahako]

Ayumu’s trademark grin only helped in Kahako becoming more frazzled. It seemed the same was for Saeko as she simply gave Kahako one last look before promptly leaving. “Ah, good-” it was too late. Saeko seemingly disappeared even before Kahako could say her goodbyes. 'Did I upset her in some way?' Kahako thought as she lowered her hand. Haruka seemed also done with the topic and made a gracious departure before leaving as well. It was just her and Ayumu left

"Well, Kahako, how about we find a good place to share this? I've got some time to kill. Maybe we can discuss how your timing is so impeccable..." He said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Caught. “Don’t you believe in fate Ayumu-kun? Maybe we’re just meant to keep running into each other...” she mumbled softly, calling him casually now that they were alone. Even if all the evidence did point to what she did. She would deny it until the day she died.

After all, she was the ones with the rotation schedule.

TLUS