Good Luck [Private]

[Uchiha Asuka]

Asuka looked up, she saw the Sakura tree branches looming over her giving her quite a nice shade. The breeze was nice, it wasn't cold nor hot just at the right temperature. The book in her hand was Leaf's history, the start of the village, the civil war, the names and actions of some amazing people were written down. Heroes, leaders. She wondered if she would ever be remembered like this, in a book all her effort payed off.

Unfortunately that was just a stupid dream, most Shinobi died for the village and would be forgotten in a decade... 2 at most. Shinobi were unimportant, only useful to complete the mission requested for them and that's what she lived for. Either complete the mission or die trying. In reality she didn't know much about what made a human well... human. Why would people bother with emotions? It just had a negative effect on everyday life.

With a sigh she closed the book, it was time like this were she had to stop thinking otherwise she knew she might go back to how things were before and that wasn't what she wanted. If you had asked her 4 years ago if she would ever place the mission first before other people she would've said "No" with an insulted expression, now.... now she knew she could abandon others for the sake of the mission. it was the way of the Shinobi Life. The life of a tool.

 

[Shirai Sadao]

Approaching the young Kunoichi the Hyuuga would greet her with a swift and light chop to the back of her head placing his hands back in the pockets of his coat before speaking raising an eyebrow when looking at her. "Why the sense of doom and gloom young one, a wonderful day and Sakura in bloom one of the most peaceful times anyone could ask for yet you look as if the rain clouds are rolling in with no end in sight." He was direct as ever though confusion was heavy in his tone wondering what had occurred to set this mood.

Coming to a seat in the shade the man laid back seeming to take things in his stride hoping to make what would seem like a gloomy atmosphere seem more relaxed though how much effect it would have he couldn't be quite sure. It wasn't often the man visited and most times he did it was either business or to see his sister who could be a handful at times to say the least however this was one such occasion where the visit was simply to see how the clans were doing, to come to know the newcomers and see the progress they all made though it seemed today would be a much more interesting one than most.

"So speak your mind, and remember I'll know if your not telling the truth its my job after all" It wasn't a threat more light teasing as he felt the cool breeze brush against his skin eyes tilted to the side to look at the Chunnin listening contently to what she would have to say.

[Topic entered]

 

[Uchiha Asuka]

Asuka felt a slight hit on the back of her head that brought her out of her thoughts. She slowly looked up with a deadpan expression. With a sigh she looked back down. "Oh it's you Yukio." She didn't look at him again aside from that first time, she doubted he was a threat but it still bothered her, he sneaked unto her... she didn't notice him... she needed to always be on guard... get stronger... be stronger.

"Rain clouds can't kill you." She simply answered him. She wasn't in the mood for playing games, she needed to learn more, knowledge would keep her alive. "Even if we're in peaceful times History shows things change when we least expect it. Thinking it's peaceful is just ignorance and stupidity."

Asuka sighed, leaving the book on her side. She looked in front of her, thoughtful. What was his gain from this, why was he of all people here? He had never shown interest in her before. No one did. No one should. "There's no point in lying if I'm not even gonna "speak my mind" as you say. There's nothing to speak about, I'm just here waiting for my next order which I hope you have brought."

 

[Shirai Sadao]

Looking at the way she acted he could tell even at a glance that something had changed, something was on her mind though what that was the man couldn't be sure. "Somethings changed, your more uptight than you used to be what was it that caused you to act like this and no cloak and dagger you know full well what i speak of. I'm not going to act as your superior now is not the time however this is no way to act at this time, there is more to the life of a Shinobi than mission after mission."

The Captains arms came to cross over his chest fingertips tapping slowly off his forearm a slight sigh escaping him. "Let me guess you've come to start thinking that the only thing we need to do is work and if not we have no purpose." He was never one to assume but that was the first thing that came to mind turning his head to face the leaf village beyond. "Then let me ask you a question instead, are we still human?" It was a much more complex question than most would expect one with numerous answers twists and turns but he was curious to hear what she had to say.

"At the end of the day what makes us different from say a Clone or one of our simply creations?" The questions did not stop with one but two these simply questions that would tell him all he needed to know about what she was thinking at least that was the thought behind it sometimes the direct method was effective however finding ways to get someone to speak for themselves was the best way of getting to the route of the problem.

 

[Uchiha Asuka]

"Your surprised I don't act like an idiot? Jumping into poison clouds just for the sake of doing something for someone else?People grow up all the time. Of course there's more to life than work, i'm no idiot. But unlike most, I like to be prepared." She simply answered without giving it much thought. If what he wanted was information, she wasn't going to give it. It didn't matter whether he agreed with her or not, in the end it was her choices.

"No purpose." She leaned back unto the tree, thoughtful on what she should answer next. Even though she didn't have to answer him, he still was Takshi's son and had the right to a certain amount of respect. But it would grow thin if he asked the wrong questions. "The only way to have no purpose is death." She gave a very slight smile, hardly noticeable. "I knew someone with a purpose, one who died before breaking it."

"Still human..." She repeated. It certainly was quite a question that couldn't be easily answered. Now what would she say... "Aren't humans supposed to be complicated? Depends on what clone, shadows clones do retain the personality... but they depend on someone else. Humans depend on themselves, without a heart they die."

 

[Shirai Sadao]

Listening to what Asuka had to say Yukio was surprised on her perspective on things it seemed she had matured over the years he hadn't seen her thinking on that before anything else was said there was something much more important to do at that moment in time. "First things first, I must apologise to you, Though I am a man with much to do that is no excuse for not seeing you after all this time. You are a friend to me after all I should have treat you as such." With that done the Hyuuga took a few steps back in his mind going through everything that had been said in detail before nodding slowly at what she had to say.

"I see what you have to say makes sense in a way however there is much more too it than that if you look at the bigger picture. A clone or creation depends on us for Chakra, in the same manner we depend on each other for support when we need it the most no one person should have to walk through life alone that is why we have teachers and students. Parents and children, friends who come to our side when we need them the most." he wouldn't ramble on taking short breaks from time to time before leaning forward slightly letting his head rest on the palm of a hand.

"When you look at things that way we are similar in a way though people don't tend to make your life easy I'm sure we both know that one" Though he spoke of a rather deep subject his tone was soft, for the first time in a long time the man seemed approachable. "But what I do wonder is what do you think of such things, friends, family and comrades. Don't worry about giving too much in the way of detail just what comes to mind."

 

[Uchiha Asuka]

"You did save my life once." Asuka answered holding her knees to her chest and her head resting on them, her arms around them. "But I've only actually seen you... what? 3... 4 times outside of class? How does that make me a friend to you, or me to you? It doesn't make any sense." She sighed, who knew why she was talking to him this way. Or rather, why he was talking to her like he wanted her to admit something, to do something. She was getting kind of tired of this.

"We learn from other people, not depend on. Shinobi don't have to depend on other people but learn from them. People depend on others because they can't stand the idea of being alone. Unlike me."

Asuka clinched her fists once Yukio continued. This was being pointless, going around in circles with no end in site. "Yukio, with all due respect. If this isn't going to go anywhere I would appreciate ending this pointless conversation."

 

[Shirai Sadao]

The words Asuka spoke were true the Hyuuga could not deny for all he wished he could share some degree of friendship with those around him that would not usually be the case. GIven his position, it wasn't as if daily outings were going to ever be a regular thing save the one or two occasions he saw people due to chance to the time he spend with Mikasa. Leaning forward slightly to wonder the man sighed slightly scratching the back of his head pondering on how much things really had changed while he'd kept himself in the dark.

"Well, Things certainly have changed haven't they, you know sometimes we can take that for granted." Bringing his hands together it seemed as if the man wasn't directly but more thinking on what she had said as a whole. "Everyone has problems and others have solutions to those it's just about finding who you can put some faith in. Takes some time on occasion but they are there, at the end of the day I'm just a teacher to most, a shadow to others and an acquaintance to few, thinking on what you said I could count my close friends on one hand."

Her tone of speech and the way she spoke told the Hyuuga enough about how she felt about company these days rising to his feet and adjusting his sleeves. "You do say however that you wouldn't mind the concept of being alone, however, there is a difference between being alone and being isolated. Say for instance what would happen if Soku vanished, just left what would you do then."

 

[Uchiha Asuka]

Asuka sighed, her face hidden behind her knees, in reality it didn't matter what he said. It was pointless, he seemed to want to change her but in reality she didn't want to be changed. Her eyes had been opened after that day. She quickly took a quick look at him, returning to seeing the small pond in front of her in a split second. "I'm not part of those friends." She said "The question still stands, why are you still here? Can't I be left alone?" She stated with annoyance on her voice.

His next words made her do something she hadn't done in a while, react. She felt it, for some reason she couldn't control it. But the idea of loosing Soku for some stupid reason made her mouth twitch, as if in sadness. For a split second her mouth seemed to be frowning, as if... just the thought was bad enough. W.... what had happened? "If Soku vanishes then it'll only be another loss to the Shinobi world. Everyone dies sooner or later. No point having pointless atachments." She answered him with a sigh. Hiding her face in her legs. She shouldn't have reacted... why... why why why..... she was incapable of reacting to anything other than annoyance.

 

[Shirai Sadao]

Her actions spoke more than her words ever could, the reaction Asuka gave to his words were more than he had expected but it was enough to show him the place the girls mind was trapped in moving himself before Asuka a slight sigh escaping his lips. "You know Asuka....it's ok." It was an unexpected motion from the captain bringing the Uchiha into his arms. "I know....I know it hurts, being where you were, going through what you did but it's ok. I was once like you not knowing what was going on, unable to see what was right infront of my."

Leaning back there was a gentle smile on the mans face placing both his hands on the Chunnin's shoulders. "You remember when i took you and Soku to get Ramen? The laughs we had that moment we all shared as friends, almost like a family. And in the end I was more grateful for that than you could ever imagine when I was your age i had no father, no mother and my sister was gone from this world." It was in that moment that the Clanhead showed a side seen by non before a slight tear drop rolling down his cheek at the memory gratitude in his words for what she had done back then without knowing it.

"You both reminded me what it was to care, what it was to have something you want to protect more than anything. You, Soku, Mikasa, Takeshi, Yuki and Kotori. You're the closest thing i have to the family i always wanted through the darkest times and the more you realize that the more you'll come to realize that you have a part of you that wants that too. Would i be wrong in saying being around Soku makes you happy like you have a place you belong in this world." He wasn't speaking as someone who wished to help, nor as a mentor or Clanhead but as a friend the gentle tone of his voice conveying that message within that single moment.

 

[Uchiha Asuka]

Asuka listened to his words, felt his hand on her shoulder. His words hit hard. She remembered the day at the Ramen shop, when everything was perfect, when everything made sense. Asuka remembered when she was happy, what a smile felt like, the laughs they had been happy. Those days were the ones she could remember.

But life wasn't happy, life wasn't what it ones used to be. She had gone out and done her own stuff. But... once someone explained it to her, even though she stopped believing it in a long time. Things clicked into place

Asuka had stopped feeling, feelings were just a nuisance to her goal. To become stronger, to prote... there it was again. To protect, she did care. She's always cared. Asuka's eyes stared to water. What? What was happening to her. Her chest felt tight, she started to shake. With a slow motion, Asuka leaned forward, dropping her head on his chest. In that moment she shattered, the emotions she had bottled up for a long time all came pouring out. The sadness, the happiness, the shame, the guilt, everything came out. "I can't do this anymore...." She hiccuped "I can't care for someone else... I've lost so much." Tears pouring down her face she finally decided to speak, to let at least a part of her out.. "I can't loose anymore.... Mom... mom died.... protecting me.... Rayne.... Rayne ceased to exsist because of my stupidity." She remembered, she had her memories inside her head. Her last moments, her body literally tearing itself apart all for fixing her. "People have given too much... I can't.... I can't be the reason again." Asuka screamed, screamed as loud as she could. She had gone through stages in her life, after her village got destroyed, she smiled. Became the joke of the town, avoided being alone. After her incident, she became a loner, treating people like crap. All for keeping them safe.

Now.... Now she had done something new, she had finally let go.

 

[Shirai Sadao]

There was a moment of pause from the man, it was clear the girl had lost much getting to this point and who could really blame her for walking the path she'd chose now. The Chunnin seemed ready to give up all emotion in pursuit of protecting others the one thing she'd become focused on as the Captain sighed slightly looking up to the skies before nodding in understanding. "It sometimes feels like the only way doesn't it, to push everyone away to see that no one else has to get hurt to keep you safe however..." There was a slight pause the man helping her to her feet before continuing to speak. "At first it feels like a good idea, like your doing the right thing by pushing them away but time tells that such action leads down a much darker path."

His words carried experience, the words of a man who had been through something similar but hadn't changed until i was far too late. "My sister....she's gone now, it was no act of bandits or rogue shinobi her life was taken out of a brothers need to protect her from the fate the was coming. I took my own sisters life because in my eyes it was a mercy compared to the pain she would have felt when my mother eventually found her" Taking a few steps back his head dipped in shame at what he had done remembering his actions in trying to protect others had only caused pain and guilt in the end.

"I still blame myself, could i have done more, could i have changed her fate if I had just tried harder even now i ask myself those questions and wonder how much of it was a mistake. So please when you think about walking this path think of what will come of it at the end. Yes you may succeed you may keep those closest to you safe from yourself but will they accept that reasoning will they accept that your rejection is your way of protecting them." There was conviction in those words, a determination to show that there was another way to achieve her goal and protect everyone without isolating herself.

"So rather than push them away, thank them with words, with a smile that lets them know your happy to see them every day and grow stronger together to protect the whole yourself included, is that not what it means to be a Ninja of the leaf village? To protect the will of fire burning within us all?"

 

[Uchiha Asuka]

Asuka kept sobbing, tears running down her face. Asuka looked up at him once he started sharing his story. It was sad, a lot sader than she would've thought. Who knew, someone who carried himself like that could have such a backstory. In reality... she didn't know any better. "I know the feeling..." She said sniffling, cleaning the tears from her eyes. "I... I'm sorry for your loss." She said with a sigh. "Your story is one to admire."

She sat back down, her eyes swollen from the tears. "Admire the tenacity of remaining sane, even when the situation would call for the oppsite. I wonder... how you do it."

Asuka hid her face behind her knees. A clear sobbing could be heard. "I'm not like you..." She said "The person who protected me for most of my life.... letting live without pain. Once I was incabacitated... she erased herself from exsistance. For me. And how do I repay her? Buy getting revenge." She sobbed, her tears falling on her legs. "It's not to keep the safe from something else, it's to keep them safe from me."

"I can't stop listening to their screams." She said looking into the void "Everyone burned.... men, women, children. I never gave them a chance. I just wanted to take everything from that man.... whether it be innocent or not."

 

[Shirai Sadao]

Scratching the back of his head it was clear both of them had been through a lot now it was a matter of doing what they had too to move past it, everyone coping mechanisms were different this was simply Asuka's way of dealing with her loss and he couldn't blame her for that. "In the end we all have to do things that we will be ashamed off, cause problems for others when we were only trying to make things better and at the end of the day so long as we learn from out mistakes and experiences then at least to me i can keep moving forward."

Bringing himself down to one knee he ruffled the girls hair slightly knowing what it meant to have such experiences at a young age. "At least rest easy in the knowledge that there are people who can have a glimpse into the pain you feel now and look towards the fact that things do get better even when it feels like it never will for now take time and come to terms with all that has happened and find yourself on the path you think is best for you, the one best for those you care about as well." There wasn't much else the Hyuuga could suggest at that moment in time.

With all things he could only say so much and it would come down to the individual if they wanted to use that information, Asuka would be the one who made the choice if she wanted to make the effort to improve her life and keep moving forward or linger in the past a while longer until she had come to terms with such things.

 

[Uchiha Asuka]

"That's the problem." She said cleaning the tears of her eyes. "I don't think it is possible to get over something like this, forgetting it isn't as easy as it sounds. I don't know where to start." She appreciated this. She didn't know how refreshing it could be to actually talk to someone. How... hard she would've broken just by her words. In reality she never thought this would be possible. But anyhow.

"I don't know what's the best or the people I care about...." She said with a sigh. "I don't know what's best for me. Isolating myself is the only option I can think of." She scratched the back of her head. "I don't want to hurt anyone else.... I just want things to be they were. Back when I didn't know how life truly was.... back when I couldn't remember anything.... got any fix for that?" She gave him a slight smile, of course she was joking... but deep down.... she hoped he had an answer.

 

[Shirai Sadao]

A slight sigh escaped the man, it was clear this would not be a simple process it never was however he had faith that given time the young Uchiha would find her way in the world once more taking a moments pause before nodding slowly at what she had to say. "That is part of it, realizing that this is an experience that will never leave you however it's from those experiences that we learn and grow never try to forget instead try to think what you can do going forward."

He knew the position she was in safe to say the Hyuuga had found himself there more than a few times though under different circumstances. "Unfortunately as much as we may like sometimes things will never stay the same forever, we all grow we all change as is the way of the world and the more you go through in life the more you come to realize that. But this is never a bad thing, though right here and now you may feel lower than you ever have as you come to see that sometimes you don't need any special actions to make people happy sometimes the simple act of being there for them just as they are for you is more than enough."

 

[Uchiha Asuka]

Asuka gave out a small smile at Yukio's words, he was right, it could be seen on a way to grow, to learn.... but in this instances. What was there to gain. "I don't see it though." She sighed scratching the back of her head. "I don't see how there's anything to learn from just bad experiences? Things that only help to make it someone a more violent person, okay with taking a life.... that's how I've grown."

His next words hit home, she found his logic sane but that didn't mean that it was enough to convince her, just being there wasn't enough. "Just being there isn't enough." She said looking up at the sky, clenching her fist... blocking out the sun. "To get stronger, to be strong enough to do something in any given situation is what has to be achieved... even if.... even if it ends with the people you care about hating you. Being there shadow just in case is the right move."

 

[Shirai Sadao]

There wasn't much left to say in that moment in time, at the end of the day he could only tell the young Uchiha his view on the matter it would be up to her what to do with the information provided. "Well it may not seem like it now but times change and with it we all do, so it's up to you to make sure you either grow stronger to make sure what happened before never happens again or to ensure you never make the same mistake twice." It was the least he could say to her and at the end of the day all that was needed.

Her next words had him concerned shaking his head slowly before speaking once more. "You say you wish to become strong enough even if those close to you come to hate you, but at the end of the day what would be the point if the thing you care about the most doesn't react the same way. That's a dark road to walk down and one that rarely has an ending you could say you lived your life well for." He didn't mean to be blunt or uncaring but it was his view on things having done the things he had it was hard to imagine such a path leading to anything but a poor outcome in the end.