We Toads Three [Open]

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo massaged his temples as he stared at the paperwork on his desk. Between the Takama brawl incident and the public disturbance of Kubitsuki, the manager-in-training had his work cut out for him. Luckily Kubitsuki's relation to the Mochizuki Troupe was through hire and legally the damages could not be pinned directly on them, especially since he obviously wasn't performing at the time. However, Takama was a different story, which meant there's be some out of pocket expenses for that incident. The Genin was just thankful that the ANBU hadn't been called in.

The flap to his tent was pulled back, and a member peeked in. "Um, Mochi-san? There are...guests here to see you." Without looking up, Tomo held up his palm and pulled his fingers towards himself. "Let them in." The sound of odd footsteps brought the dual-haired man's attention to the visitors in front of him.

"It's sad that I'm not even surprised anymore. May I...help you three?" The young man looked at each toad, that returned his gaze intently. There was a princely-looking one, a chef, and a...well...Tomo didn't really know how to describe the last one. Soon all three knelt before Tomo. "Teach us your ways!" Now this, this came as a shock to the Mochizuki. He cocked an eyebrow before leaning his chin on his hand. "Excuse me?" The princely toad spoke first. "We heard tale six years ago of a blonde human who helped hold off the birds and the bugs. It was an epic battle of epic proportions, and we have finally found the human that the tales speak of! You really had us searching far and wide, what with the new hairdo and the six years away from the village." Tomo blinked a few times. He remembered the event that the toad spoke of. Something involved a scroll and all the summon creatures racing to find it. In the end it was destroyed by the medical and main branch Sennin, and that was all she wrote. He could understand why he may be mentioned to the young toads, as he had directly helped the toads at that time, and was rewarded with a contract. However, Tomo's version of the tale was far less grand...also, come to think of it... "What of Kogami Ayumu? He did more than I ever did." The toads looked to each other before gazing back at their idol. "Oh, there was some brunette guy too. Most of the toads claim he's the hero of the toads, be we know better!" Tomo wondered what Ayumu would think of that.

Rising from his desk, Tomo walked past the three. "Sorry...kids? I'm not quite sure how contract toads age...but either way, I'm not a role model. I'm a manager-in-training, returning idol who plays shinobi on his days off. Kogami Ayumu was the hero you were looking for, so go talk to him." Opening the flap to his tent, Tomo motioned for the toads to exit. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out how to keep this troupe out of debt." The toads turned to face Tomo, but refused to leave. The prince spoke first. "Such honor!" The chef spoke next. "Such virtue!" The artsy one spoke last. "Much idolize!" The orange toad's siblings stared at him, as did Tomo, and they spoke in unison. "What?" The winged toad frowned. "Listen to my toooone, not my words." Sighing, Tomo departed, trying to leave the toads behind. However, they persistently followed, hoping along behind him. "We've been watching you for a while now Tomo-sama. It is why we appeared before you like this." Each toad motioned to their attire. "We want to learn from you, and become famous, of course." Tomo paused, turning an to eye his stalkers. "You want to be legends, like you think I am?" They nodded. The young man sighed again. "Listen, I don't need Toadley Do-Right, Toad Ramsie, and Artsy-Fartsy Toad following me around like...well...toadies...excuse the analogy." The toads shrugged in response, and Tomo continued. "I'm about as special as an emo kid's revenge plot. If you want to learn to be a hero, learn about the Sennin, the Raikage. Or better yet, Raiden. Maybe then you'll understand that I'm just a guy trying to make money and not die while doing it."

Hearing the three stop, Tomo turned an eye in hopes to see that they were gone. However, it seemed they were thinking, as they each had a hand to their toady chins. "Hmm..." At the same time, they came to some kind of realization. "Aha!" The princely toad stood up and brandished his small rapier. "We must prove ourselves to you! Is that it? Yeah, it's totally it. Alright, well Yo!" The chef held up his frying pan. "Jin!" The last brother held up a paint brush. "Bo!" They hit their 'weapons' together before speaking in unison. "We brothers three shall prove ourselves to thee!" The brothers muttered to each other about the impressive rhyme before turning back to Tomo. "What shall you have us do?" Tomo put a hand to his forehead. These toads were becoming a bit too much for him.

Before Tomo could respond, a feminine-sounding shout came from somewhere nearby. Yo perked at the sound and turned abruptly. "I'll save you!" Brandishing his rapier, the noble toad rushed to whoever shouted. Tomo went to stop him when he noticed the other two brothers were gone. Looking around, he saw Jin offering something to someone. "You look hungry, want a donut?" Meanwhile Bo had found another random person on the street and began pointing his brush. "Express yourself maaaan." These kids were going to be the death of him.

OOC: For anyone who wishes to join, feel free to be a random bystander or be one of the random people being bugged by a toad. Also, I didn't give the toads different color text. If it isn't clear which one is speaking, just ask.

 

[Ginyama Senshiro]

The gray-eyed student known simply as Hinote and his best friend Hanako were taking a stroll past the Mochizuki estate en route to the Takayama estate when they noticed three toads rushing out into the streets, each heading in a different direction.

"Um . . . " Hanako started as the two stopped and observed their antics.

"Yeah . . . " Hinote replied to her unspoken question.

"Weird."

"Yeah . . . " Hinote repeated as he continued watching, intrigued by the unusual visitors to the Seki District. One wielded a rapier, another a frying pan, and the last a paint brush. "We should probably keep an eye out on them."

Hanako blinked a few times and tilted her head to the side. "They don't look that dangerous."

"That's just it. I don't think they're dangerous at all. And yet somehow they're right in the middle of Shinobi village."

"Oh . . . oh wow!" she exclaimed looking around nervously. "We can't let them get hurt!"

Hinote gazed upon the Mochizuki estate from whence the toads came before heading towards the toad with the paint brush.

"And we won't," he reassured Hanako before nodding towards the toad with the rapier. "That one might get into trouble more easily than the other ones."

 

[Korokke]

It was a special day for Korokke for one specific reason, it was allowance day and that meant she could go out and spend it all on snacks and her first stop would be the market stalls near her home! The chubby little girl came skipping happily out of her house and down the street as images of food floated about in her head, trying to figure out what exactly she was going to buy and as such she wasn’t really paying any attention to the ground. Her foot caught a loose rock as she made through the streets and before she could react her body began to plummet to the ground and she let out a small scream as her hands shot out in front of her to take the brunt of the damage.

“What idiot left a loose stone lying about?!” She thought to herself angrily as her body collided with the floor.
“Freaking… uugh…” She groaned.

She picked herself up into a sitting position and dusted herself off a little, looking for any signs of damage though luckily only her hands seemed to have any observable markings, a cut on her right palm. She would let out a sigh and lick at the wound a little to clean it, something she had been taught a long time ago as she seemed quite prone to accidents like these. As she finished licking at it and the blood had clotted enough to stop flowing she looked up and spotted the tiny toad with an equally tiny sword and proceeded to blink as her young brain tried to decide whether this was reality or not.

“Ermm, hello?” She said with a tilt of her head and a quizzical look on her face, not expecting the cosplay’d amphibian to respond at all but it seemed like the thing to do.

[MFT - 309]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

The Main Branch of Kumogakure is run by an idiot. Said idiot's name is Kogami Ayumu, who is a pervert, a slacker, a ne'er-do-well, and apparently a man whore who conveniently "forgot" to marry his baby's momma. You may say something along the lines of "But Saeko, he's never actually done anything to you, or at least nothing that you haven't made up in your head," but you're wrong. Dead wrong. Point of evidence number one: The Main Branch is chronically understaffed, so I have to do everyone else's job but my own, and right now I've been forced into patrolling the streets of Kumogakure like I'm cosplaying as a beat-cop except without the .44 on my hip. Thanks, Obama. I mean, Ayumu.

I've already investigated five reports of academy student graffiti (if you're going to scribble naked chicks on the side of a building at least draw them with proper proportions, please), rescued a cat (what the fuck am I, a genin?), pulled a pair of feuding lovers apart (of course, the woman started beating on me next for laying hands on her man), and now I've been called to investigate an animal disturbance. When I got the call, I immediately facepalmed: I know the area well. It's trouble. By the time I get there, a crowd has formed and things look bad.

Before my eyes are three sapient animals that look like anthropomorphic toads but could be anything from feral summons to a demonic vanguard to unstable rifts in the very fabric of space-time itself. Note that if the latter is true, the universe is about to imminently implode on itself and we're all dead, in which case I'd call it a very good day. The bottom line is that you can't think very hard about the why when it comes to slice of life threads in this wacky village. You just have to accept things the way they are and hold onto the faint hope that perhaps this time, the earth really will blow up.

One of the creatures is brandishing a weapon, the other is attempting to peddle street food without a health and safety permit, and the last is the very portrait of public intoxication. The one with the weapon has apparently taken a fascination with what appears to be the fluffiest little girl I've ever seen and is advancing on her with predatory intent. As the long, resentful arm of the law, I should take out my bolter and plug him twice in the chest, but then I'll get a complaint from Shinobi for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (SETA) and my inbox will be filled with nothing but seitan for months. There are two other students standing around picking their noses - they're probably the one's responsible for the graffiti. I can't bust them for anything because I haven't caught them in the act and they'll probably try to videotape me and yell out crap like "don't Tase me, bro!" and "skateboarding is not a crime!" (actually, it is). I shoot the toad with the rapier a glare that says I've had a bad day, bub. Don't try me.

"Don't stare at the frog overlong, Fuwa-Fuwa Time," I say to the roughed-up girl. "He'll try to kiss you and then claim he's a prince, but in reality he's just scraping by on disability checks, under-the-table jobs, and panhandling for booze money."

I go past her and open the flap to the Mochizuki tent. Those damned performers are probably responsible for this scene. You know, "street performance" and stuff. It's fine, I'll just yell a bit at them to rein in the Animal Kingdom. "Hey! Mochizuki Troupe! Control your critters, they're causing a sce-"

My words stop in my throat as I see none other than Tomo. He and I have history together. History that involves supernatural forces, demon possession, and accidental congress in the biblical sense. I didn't need this.

"-You!" I point a finger at him with the force of a thousand angry Shinbatsu fanatics. "You're responsible for this, aren't you? I should've known, you man-whore! I still haven't forgiven you, slutty bastard. Who doesn't warn a girl before he blows up in her mouth? On your knees! I'm taking you to the Tarterian Specus right now!"

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

The knightly toad hopped on the scene, waving his small rapier as he rushed towards the scream. He found a chubbier girl on the ground, licking a wound on her hand. He approached the damsel in distress and puffed his chest out. "Fair maiden! What evils have befallen you?!" Her response was the correct one, this situation called for utter bafflement at the talking toad before her.

Meanwhile, Tomo was collecting his other toadies. For better or worse, the citizens of Kumogakure were used to such occurrences. In particular, the woman Jin had approached gave him a hardy slap at the assumption that she wanted a donut. On the verge of tears and looking rather dejected, Jin was easily pulled away by Tomo. Reaching Bo, Tomo crossed his arms as the artsy toad extravagantly motioned to his conversational partner, a middle aged man. Oddly enough, the man seemed to be nodded, as if Bo had read his mind about needing to express himself. Grabbing the toad by the prop wings, Tomo dragged him towards the sound of the yell. All the while, Bo was struggling. "The Man is trying to bring me down! Don't fall prey to the status quo!"

Tomo passed two children as he drew near Yo and the young girl. The gallant toad pointed his rapier at none other than Saeko. "Foul beast! You must have been the one to harm this poor creature. You reek of villainy!" Tomo couldn't hide the fear on his face at Yo's accusations. That was it. He was going to die. Hopefully the toad didn't have a vengeful family. However, it seemed that Saeko's rage would fall to Tomo, as usual, as she declared he was under arrest. Yo attempted to cover Korokke's ears to protect her from the foul language spewing from Saeko's mouth, but it was possible that the young girl would evade him.

Tomo crossed his arms defiantly, as did Jin and Bo. However, the man's heart was racing. Despite his resistance to fear, courtesy of Haruki, he still felt utter terror around this woman. "One, I have no idea what you're talking about woman. Two, stop corrupting the youth with that unclean mouth of yours. Three, these aren't my toads, nor are they a part of the Mochizuki Troupe. Therefore, you would arrest them, not me." Bo leaned towards Jin. "Um...is he throwing us under the cart?" The chef responded. "No, I think he's just bluffing. Since we're so cute, I'll bet she wouldn't arrest us, and he knows it." Returning their attention to Saeko, Jin and Bo gave their most innocent looks, which isn't very easy to do with a toad face. Yo, meanwhile, was pointing his rapier at Saeko, while holding out a protective arm before Korokke. Tomo glanced at the girl to ensure she was alright, before holding his gaze on Saeko.

[WC: 478]
[MFT]

 

[Ginyama Senshiro]

"Crap . . . " Hinote swore under his breath as he watched the scene unfold before him just moments before he could reach his target. He looked towards Hanako, who was watching in horror as Saeko and Bo stood off against each other.

"Crap! Crap! Crap!" the ten year-old boy chanted as he looked around frantically for a solution that would not result in the death of anyone, man, toad, or otherwise.

With no trivial amount of luck, an opportunity presented itself to the gray-eyed Takayama in the form of a passing explosives vendor pushing a cart full of her wares down the street. Wasting little time, the boy rushed towards her with two fists full of yen.

"I need as many smoke bombs as you can sell!"

"Aren't you a little young for--"

"Yes, yes I am. Now shut up and take my money!" he held the notes out for her to count--a task that evidently became more enjoyable the bigger her profit and her smile grew--before she fished out a bandolier of smoke bombs and handed it to him.

"Come back any time!" she shouted as she continued her way down the street. The boy nodded--glad that the transaction had been processed so quickly--before racing back towards the scene, one of the smoke bombs already readied.

"For Raiden!" he shouted, sweat pouring down his face as it finally dawned on him just how reckless this ploy was. And as his anxiety increased, so did his clumsiness, until he finally stumbled over a stone embedded into the street, sending the smoke bomb flying towards the group while the ones still attached to the bandolier detonated upon impact, leaving him in a thick cloud of smoke.

 

[Ryu Hime]

Long ago Shimete once dated Tomo; she was so much prettier then. Back then she did not feel the need to hide herself behind bandage and cloak. The clan she was currently were in was starting to question whether or not to keep her do to her unusual appearance. Shimete would hate to leave but would hate being alone even more. Shimete was a hand-maiden; she is not used to being alone for extended periods of time. The idea of sleeping with no one else in the room frighten her. Perhaps there is a clan that would accept her. Tomo’s troop was a simple solution for unlike other clans it would not require marriage in order for her to join and she doubt she would ever find a mate that would have her.

When the Anbu looking character reaches the tent she sees an interesting assortment of characters. She was getting the feeling that this was not the best of time to request her entry into the clan. Each had such interesting chakra signatures. Very little escapes her Eye of Moro and she notices a smoke bomb flying toward them. Shimete catches it cautiously as to not break the small orb. “Greetings Tomo it has been awhile.” He would like not recognize her with the mask and everything covering her body, but her voice may sound familiar. Though he may have change in appearance Shimete could still recognize him by scent. She has never forgotten it even after all these years.

 

[Korokke]

Did that frog just speak? That frog just spoke… Korokke sat there for a few moments in disbelief with her mouth sort of agape as the hamsters in her brain just stepped out of their little wheel and held up a little picket sign with the word “strike!” written across it, her mind wasn’t even willing to try and comprehend. She shook her head, somewhat contemplating that the mushrooms she’d had with breakfast might have been bad but even with a rub of her eyes the thing remained. It didn’t take to long for a group to form on the area thankfully most of them were human even if one did have a mouth dirtier than an Indian restaurants bathroom after free vindaloo night. Her head was swaying as she listened to each person talking and it was making her hear just spin more and more, she would take a deep breath and get to her feet slowly and was about to say.

“What in the world is actually ha-“ She was cut off at this point.

Just a short distance away another youngster, a boy, befell to the same fate that she had and tumbled over a loose stone, only it seems he had some sort of smoke bombs on him and they all detonated, covering him in a thick smoky mist, what was worse however was the one that had come rolling right to her feet, she gave it a quick glance before simply exclaiming.

“For the love of Horo…”

The poof! The ragtag group of loud mouths, miscreants and hallucinogenic toads were caught in a cloud of smoke too. The girl would use this chance to attempt and get away from the toad that seemed to be guarding her, though against what she couldn’t be really sure, the thing seemed either confused or overly ambitious with his chivalry and she wanted no part of that, especially since someone had mentioned kissing it! Yuck! She can’t even eat froglegs, never mind playing tonsil hockey.

“I ermm… I’m just gonna hide here, sorry.” She muttered.

She clung to the first vaguely human figure she could considering all the smoke and held of tight, hopefully hidden away from the three creatures. She clung perhaps a bit tightly to the clothes of whomever it was she was hiding behind but wouldn’t you be a little scared by how confused this whole thing made you? She was pretty much fearing that she had lost her mind.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

I've been steadily growing more and more annoyed with this town for days. Annoyed at the constant filth of its streets, the backed-up latrines whose contents lap at the bases of the public pumpworks. Annoyed at the peddlers badgering me for hours to make a sale when all I wished was to eat a quick breakfast at the Dawnbringer. Annoyed at the cold, congealed mess of scrambled eggs served to me by the innkeeper when he finally deigned to tear himself away from groping the scullery maid. Annoyed that when I visited the public baths the attendant didn't offer me a boy-whore. I'd not have availed myself of one, but every other woman was offered except for me. And finally, I'm annoyed that in short order I've gone from smelling freshly scrubbed with lye and ash, to sweaty and greasy under the Mochizuki tent with Tomo putting on airs of superiority and feigning amnesia.

I want to knock his teeth out right now, but then he wouldn't be as pretty anymore, and I'd be out a month's salary for his dental bills. I hate this place sometimes. Most of the time.

"Don't give me that crap, Tomo," I say and cross my arms. "It's obvious that these warty, mangy lizards are either your property, or your associates. And you are trying to throw them under the cart, which makes me wonder who I should actually feel sorry for in this instance. You know that wanton cruelty to summoned beings merits a flogging, right? And you've got a lot of nerve, there, trying to act like you don't remember what happened between us. I'll spell it out for your dumb ass: You manipulated me into giving you head, told me you wanted to marry me, and then ran away after I shanked myself to save us both!"

I open the tent flap again just so everyone can hear me yell into the square. "Mochizuki Tomo is a shitty player! Never go out with him! He's got syphilis!"

I regard the canine Nigiri handmaiden with a jaundiced eye after I'm done destroying Tomo's reputation in public. That warning was for you, girl.

"Did that jog your memory, Fujobait?" I sneer at the man in question. "Now come quietly to the Specus. If you're peaceable, I might even let you hold my hand lewdly..."

At this moment, a dull thump sounds outside and I instinctively duck. The sound is similar to a Lightning Imperial Army white phosphor shell and I wonder if we're being bombarded for some reason. Of all the ways to die, white phosphor is one of the worst. It sticks to your skin, can't be extinguished, and burns far past bone. A tidal wave of acrid smoke spills into the tent and surrounds me and I've lost sight of Tomo, the feral toads, the handmaiden, and hell, even my own body parts. Did Tomo engineer this as a distraction? Wily bastard, I've taught him well if that were the case.

The smoke is too bitter and stings my eyes something fierce. I lurch out of the confined space of the tent and stumble around the outside, gasping for air. I may have planned to take Tomo to my place and hook up--the handcuffs would have added spice--but now the plan is to cut his head off. Something grabs tight against the back of my leggings and I try to shake it off. Whatever or whoever's grabbing me feels far too heavy to be one of those toads, and it's definitely not Tomo (that would be too convenient). I reach behind me to try to dislodge a pair of chubby, grasping hands, and only end up pulling away what looks like a small package of linzer-torte.

"Cookies? What the hell?" I wonder, forgetting the danger I'm in. Against all common sense, I open the package up and snarf one of the jam-filled treats.

 

[Suzuki Setsu]

Hito Kiri​

Kiri wandered into the Mochizuki compound for a laugh. The troupe of street performers and entertainers always provided such great fun for the man. Especially a certain Mochizuki member, Tomo. The boy was such fun to play around with, he was extremely serious and methodical, which made it extremely easy to mess with him.

The scene he entered in on was delightfully chaotic, and it brought tears to his eyes. Tears of joy, that is. "Yes, coming here was the right thing to do today. Don't you agree?" he mentioned to the young boy who had tripped on the edge of chaos and engulfed it in smoke. He casually attempted to fondly fondle the rump of the young boy before barrelling head-first into it himself. Listening to the voices of all involved, Kiri got a rough estimation of where everyone was, including his target. He leapt past the girl clad in mask and bandages and into the tent, colliding with someone hard. Whoever he hit, he believed it was Tomo, was knocked to the ground and may have hit their head hard enough to end up concussed.

"Tomocchi! If you were going to have a raunchy party, the least you could have done was let me know!" He turned to try and see the other occupants of the tent. "And don't worry Tomocchi, I'm an equal-opportunity pervert. I'll make sure to fondle your friends here with the same care I always give you!" With that Kiri leaned back and attempted to give both Saeko and Korokke a friendly squeeze on the rump as well. "And syphilis? Dear girl, relax. I have made sure to secretly have his bodily fluids tested for disease regularly at the hospital. The only things Tomocchi suffers from is cold feet from time to time."

[Topic Entered With NPC]

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

Buckle your seat belts kids, 'cause we're driving full-throttle into Crazy Town!

Tomo's eyes twitched as the woman before him began to make ridiculous accusations. His heart pounded, threatening to burst with rage. His chest burned, and his face reddened considerably. How dare this woman insinuate that he would do such a thing! Despite his lack of compassion at times, he certainly held a sense of honor and justice when it came to the romantic entanglements of others. Such actions were meant for those he loved. For her to have the gall to imply that she knew anything about him. Not to mention he had given his all to carry her to the hospital after SHE summoned a demon and SHE cut herself to get rid of it. For her to have such lack of appreciation... Despite his better judgment, Tomo strode towards Saeko, his fists clenched. What he was going to do once he reached her, even he was unsure. Punch her? Slap her? Shake her? All he knew was that there was an intense spike of emotions within him that needed to be release.

However, before Tomo could reach Saeko, a female's voice caught his attention. Who it was, he could not say, and he paused to look towards the speaker. Had they met? This distraction was long enough for a stray smoke bomb to roll into the vicinity, and it promptly exploded. A fog burst forth, and Tomo coughed in response. He hadn't been prepared for such an attack, and had accidently inhales a large gulp of smoke. While he sputtered, something charged at him, causing Tomo to fall back. His head slammed hard against the ground. "Argh!" He swore he felt his brain rattle about within his skull.

After a few second, Tomo heard a familiar voice, belonging to one Hito Kiri. Tomo opened his eyes to see the white-haired man's face before his. "Ah." A light squeak came from Tomo as Kiri shifted upon him, making Tomo's body twinge. Being the inexperienced young man he was, it didn't take long before Tomo burst...into confetti. He reappeared outside of the cloud of smoke, along with many of the others who had been caught in the smoky blast. Small pieces of paper in the shape of stars and hearts fluttered around Tomo as his gaze moved to the cloud. Kiri appeared, and Tomo's eyes sparkled. "So...so handsome. What a magnificent creature."

Without any time to react, Tomo swiftly approached the man and grabbed him by the collar. Thanks to his merging with Haruki, Tomo's body had grown, and he now stood an inch taller than Kiri. With an unexpected amount of force considering Tomo's usual behavior and mannerisms, Tomo pulled the unsuspecting Kiri into a kiss, shoving his tongue down the white-haired man's throat. Thanks to the surprise action, and Tomo's new found strength from his rattled brain, Kiri had no way to defend himself.

Tomo pulled away, a playful smile on his lips. "It's okay baby. Before they disbanded, the council voted, and gay marriage is allowed in Kumo." Yet another failed attempt at flirting from the concussed Tomo. Soon, his eyes wandered over to Saeko, and he let out a light gasp, slapping his hands to his cheeks. "Snuggle bear! I can't believe you're here too! Let us honor this reunion with marriage!" A loud sigh sounded in Tomo's mind. Not this again Tomo-boy. What is this ludicrous correlation between concussions and love at first sight? Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a child? Oh, oh well now THAT would be awkward if she were the first one you saw when that happened... Ignoring the voice in his head, Tomo looked to Korokke, the masked stranger, and the now exposed Hinote. "So which one of you wants to hold the ceremony for me and my two lovers?" It seems that idiocy is also a side effect of your concussion.

---Meanwhile---​

The toads were rightly confused by the matter, just as much as Korokke was. This woman was implying that their beloved idol was a man-whore, and apparently diseased. The smoke bomb was almost a blessing, as it gave them the chance to leave the odd situation and escape from this absurd plotline. Seeing another cloud of smoke, the three toads approached it and puffed themselves up with air. Together, they blew away the smoke, revealing Hinote within. Noble Yo approached the child and offered him a hand up, should the boy want assistance. Chef Jin also drew close to Hinote and offered him a donut. Artsy Bo spotted the young girl who was out of the way observing, and advanced towards her. "Quite a pickle this whole situation is. I dare say that Tomo-sama is a bit too expressive..."

 

[Takaki Saeko]

[Sorry for the delay!]

"M-m-marriage?" I gasp. "I don't think you understand! I mean, sure we hooked up once and all, but..."

On one hand, Tomo's one of the most attractive men I've ever met, much less swapped fluids with. Not to disparage my dead ex, but if you solely judge him on looks, Tomo's about a 20/10. On the other hand, he's also one of the most psychologically unstable boys in the village. When someone goes from looking like he's going to split your lip to sudden google-eyes and proposals, that's usually a danger sign.

Unfortunately, I'm the sort of woman who not only ignores danger signs, but uses them as seals of approval. I told you I had issues, didn't I? To be perfectly honest, I'd probably have accepted Tomo's proposal on the spot, along with the boatload of student debt and bad credit that defines the young millenial of today. But what prevents (or saves) me from doing so is dat man, Kiri.

Hito motherfucking Kiri. The man we all love to call "The Hatoful Boyfriend," which can mean "Pigeon Boyfriend," "Hurtful Boyfriend," or "Heartful Boyfriend." It's pretty accurate, because he has the brains of a pigeon (not to mention that roach-like survival instinct), the heart of a dilettante, and the impulse control of a four-year-old. He swings seven ways, and that's not even including extraplanar organisms and other eldritch abominations. And he's also got the nerve to muscle in on my property.

"And anyway, I'm not sharing you with that...that Pigeon Diddler." I put my hands on my hips and stamp my foot. "I also don't trust him when he says you're checked for diseases. Hatoful Boyfriend over there carries stuff we won't even hear about for the next half-century. I heard Isaki Kushin wanted to turn his ding-a-ling into a weapon of mass destruction, and he's the only man in the village who gives Shinrya Kitsune the willies!"

I wheel on Kiri. "Back off, broheem. Marriage is a sacred tradition between two humans, not between a human and some kind of demonic sex fiend."

Back to Tomo: "Now come on, let's just go back to my apartment and I'll make it worth your while. Hell, I'll even let your animals rape and pillage all they want here. They've already killed two students with the inactivity stick, anyway. You don't wanna go to jail, right?"

 

[Suzuki Setsu]

Tomo's concussed state was not lost upon Kiri, and though initially worried about his acquaintance's mental health, he couldn't resist the desire to play with him. Especially when it was this easy. "At last, the rules finally allow you to cross the line into the realm of--," Kiri stubbed his toe on an errant tent peg, "Yow-eee! That smarts," he coughed quickly and continued, "but my dear Tomocchi, just stopping at us two? As always you are ignorant of your surroundings. Think of the feelings of all present, why limit yourself, invite them all to couple with you!"

Kiri laughed at Saeko's description of him. "Oh Saeko-chan, your naming sense is exquisite as always, it's true I've had a thing for birds. It's been caws for several lawsuits in the bird community. Flighty bunch they are, and yet they still flock to me whenever I take wing. And Saecchiko," he said playing with her name, "you can trust me on the diseases part, because it's not my word, it's KitsuneCare's!" He dismissed the quip about his own health with a nonchalant wave of his hand. "Oh please, the only time I haven't used protection, was....," a sudden pause, "hmmm, actually you might have a point there. I'll have to consult Nyarlhotep whenever he...she...it," he shrugged, "comes crawling back. You'd be surprised at how far their full-body scans can penetrate the body. If only I too could accomplish such feats." Kiri stared off into the sky for a moment before continuing, "Worry not my darling Saecchi, Tomocchi. I've already put in good words for you among the old ones, and they've actually moved you up in the queue! Expect visitors soon!"

Saeko then drew the battle lines in the war for Tomo's chastity, "Back off, broheem. Marriage is a sacred tradition between two humans, not between a human and some kind of demonic sex fiend."

"But Sa-e-ko-chan," Kiri wheedled as he slithered an arm around her waist, pulling her and Tomo so close that they were both pressed against his cheeks, "I'm just an agent of love at its primal core. No man-made restrictions to hold me back, just my own imagination! Rather than demonic sex fiend, primordial sex fiend would be a more apt description. Make sure to use your words properly now dear," He released the two of them before waltzing around, ruffling the hair of Korokke, and inspecting the shattered husks of Hinote's smoke bomb set, "Needs more glitter, what's the use of visual obfuscation without pizzazz!" He turned back to Tomo and Saeko, "Still that being said, I won't force my views and opinions on you, I mean, not everyone has the courage to wander dangerous unknown territory, seek out the truth behind the universe. I would never dream of calling you a coward, unwilling to explore the boundaries of love and lust, it's not a journey for the faint of heart after all," the man bantered, voice dripping with sarcasm and utter bologna. And not decent bologna like beef bologna, no this was the extra-processed meat mash-up bologna. In Tomo's current state, Kiri wasn't expecting to rile him up (though he was excited to see how Concussed Tomo would take his phony philosophizing), but the daughter of Takaki Masao? "Nyahahahahaa!" Kiri couldn't contain a small laugh waiting for the kind of reaction she would bring to the table. Though other people's reactions would be fun to hear as well, Kiri's focus was centered on the two more vocal participants.

[Even sorrier for the longer delay]

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo looked expectantly at the three he had questioned. It seemed that the children had passed out, or fainted? Yes, they fainted from Tomo's suave speech and romantic actions. The masked, cloaked figure had disappeared. She must have walked off without a single word. Tomo frowned, saddened that there were no longer any people to give the ceremony. However Saeko seemed unhappy with Tomo's desire to have the three of them bonded together. Tomo's eyes watered as his lip pouted out. "But...but he's crazy. You've heard what they say about relations with a crazy person, right? Riiiiight?" Kiri went on blathering about his romantic entanglements, but Tomo wasn't really listening. He didn't love Kiri for his mouth. Well, for the words that came out of his mouth anyway.

An overly cheerful smile spread on his lips as Kiri pulled Saeko and Tomo to him. The dual-haired man nuzzled lightly into Kiri's cheek before the man pranced around again. The voice of reason chimed in. Where are we even going with this Tomo-boy? What is it we hope to accomplish? Tomo responded. "Peace, love, flowers and shit. Whatever that means. That's our goal random voice in my head that doesn't even sound like me and I should probably see a doctor about."

Again, Tomo utterly ignored Kiri's speech as he tapped his chin. He was inclined to do as Snuggle Bear asked, as she was his first love. But boy was Kiri smokin' hot. However, all that blabbing was making Tomo less horny. He gave a nod to himself as he came to his conclusion. He took Saeko's hands in his and stared deeply into her eyes. "Take me. I'm yours." Tomo pulled a hand away and placed blocked Saeko's view of his mouth with it. He leaned towards Kiri and said in a not-so-whisper, "You can take me later." Acting as if there was no way his darling Snuggle Bear could have heard him, Tomo gave her a cheerful smile and waited to be led away.

---Meanwhile---​

The toad huddled together, away from the ears of the three active people. "I don't think..." "Yeah but..." "Seriously though." They pulled out of their cluster and gave Tomo a final look. "We'll bother him at a later date..." With that, the toads hopped away. Even contract summons have a limit on crazy.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

I recoil in horror at Kiri's revelation about extraplanar congress. "You stuck it in Nyaruko? Eew! Eew! Eew!" I wheel around and address what's left of the scattering public. "Someone call the ANBU! There's a crime taking place here!"

I wheel back around and jab my finger against Kiri's chest. If only I'd paid attention in class and mastered the one-finger death punch, because if there was ever anyone so deserving of ancient Chinese secret heart-splattering jutsu it's this man-thing-it right here.

"Not only are you an abomination before Jesus Saito, you're also a total pedobear! That girl's only ten-thousand years old! You think she's able to consent to lewdness with the likes of you? If you wanna stick it in non-Euclidean geometry then have Cthulhu jerk you off! And you didn't even use a rubber! What if she gets knocked up? Are you gonna claim responsibility for ruining her idol career? You can't even afford child support with all the garnishments on your wages already. Are you gonna help raise that tentacled baby? Yeah, I didn't think so, deadbeat. And my name's not Saechikko or whatever the hell. It's Saeko. Like 'Psycho!' Say my name properly, bitch!"

"But Sa-e-ko-chan," Kiri purrs as he somehow slithers his arm around my waist. I draw a stiletto and attempt to sink it right into his groin. If I'm lucky, I'll tear an artery and he'll pass out within two seconds and die within thirty. Unfortunately, that pigeon-like survival instinct of his comes into play and he parries the blow with something ironclad between his legs. Crap, I should've known that Kiri was a master fencer of the Phallustine school. The dagger flies out of my hands and Kiri ripostes to leave me holding the metaphorical and literal bag.

I shudder in horror. He got me good, but he made the fatal error of misunderestimating my training in Balltwistian grappling. Take this, shitlord! Before I can relieve him of his burden, Kiri flits away like the ephemeral pervert he is and narrowly avoids a degloving.

"Nyahahahahaa!" he shrieks.

I look at him with the hard stare. "Try that sophistry in front of me again and I will kill you."

Kiri looks like he's about to test that, but fortunately Tomo has other priorities going through his head, or shall I say, heads?

"Take me. I'm yours," he says, taking my hands in his. I'm so horny and bloodthirsty at this point that I could care less that he's obviously telling Kiri to join in later. Quickly, I scoop him up in my arms and sprint off to my apartment. During the journey, I consider how ironic it is that Tomo's the one getting princess-carried by an arduous paramour instead of the opposite, but in modern times it's a woman's prerogative to act.

***​

Once back at my apartment, and after I've made sure Kiri's not skulking around in a corner somewhere, I toss Tomo into my bed and strip him down. How long has it been since I've had a guy, anyone, period? I cast my eyes over his perfectly chiseled features and glistening, flawless skin, and a desperate grin breaks out over my features.

My fingers are clumsy as they go for the laces on my leggings. Damned cords were so easy to tie this morning, and now they're just a tiny Gordian Knot that I'm tempted to resolve in the way of the old conquerors: slash it open, of course. I don't even need to fully disrobe, myself. I just need the bottom half off. Besides, Tomo's a healthy man. We can take this slower, later. He'll want more, anyway. Right now, though, speed is of the essence. I need to take care of this before his concussion wears off and he gets back to normal.

To normal...

What am I doing? There's no way this is right. I'm taking advantage of a man with a brain injury. A temporary one, but a wound nonetheless. Especially after all the things I accused Kiri of doing. I'm better than he is. I look at Tomo's body again. He's so perfect, and right now he's so willing that it hurts. It physically hurts to look at him. I need the release. He said he'd allow me to do what I wanted. After all, a woman can't rape a man, right?

"Fuck!" I scream, and put my fist through the wall. Tomo blinks and looks up in confusion. He reaches for me. I hate myself for doing this, but instead of reciprocating, I touch his forehead and channel a simple sleeping jutsu into him. There, now he'll at least get to make a choice. I get off and draw the covers over him, then sit on the floor with my head resting on my knees.

"Are you fucking proud of me, Jo?" I grumble.

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

It happened in the blink of an eye, the sudden lurch of his stomach as Tomo was swept up into Saeko's arms. He didn't struggle however. He simply wrapped his own arms around her neck and affectionately nuzzled her cheek, not even questioning where she'd gotten her strength. It wasn't long before the two made it to Saeko's apartment. She wasn't only strong, she was fast too. "Whee!" Tomo was plopped onto the bed, and he chuckled lightly. Upon being stripped bare, Tomo squeaked every time she brushed something sensitive. He sat up as Saeko began struggling with her clothing. She paused and looked at him again, and Tomo cocked his head questioningly.

Her sudden exclamation, along with her assault on the wall, caused Tomo to flinch, and his brows furrowed. "I thought that was the plan?" Not being in his right mind, the true meaning of her use of the word was lost on him. Seeing her hand through the wall, Tomo reached for her, hoping to make sure his Snuggle Bear was alright. However, before grasping her hand, Saeko placed her forehead on his, and he began to feel dizzy. "B-but I thought you were Boozy Woo...zy..." Tomo body feel back, fast asleep on the bed.

</B>

---Tomo's Mind---​

<i></i>
Tomo opened his eyes, and he was once again sitting at a Go board. Haruki sat across from him, his green eyes as vivid as ever. "Good evening Tomo-boy. Are you ready for our game?" Tomo placed a hand on his forehead. "I...why am I here? It's not nighttime...it was far from it. Last I remember..." Haruki gave a nonchalant wave of his hand. "Last you remember you were going to give that Takaki girl a piece of your mind, yes?" Tomo nodded before making his first move. "Did I...do something to her? Crap, that's it right? I probably smacked her and she beat me down." Haruki eyebrows lifted as he took his move. "You never got the chance to act Tomo-boy. Don't worry, you didn't hurt her physically." Tomo's eyes held on Haruki as he moved his piece. "I...what? Seriously, why can't I remember?" Haruki chuckled. "Tomo-boy, you apparently have mental issues, excluding me." He gave his counterpart a wink.

They continued to play in silence as Tomo tried to understand. "Wait...something hit me...and my head felt like it was going to explode...is that it?" Haruki nodded. "Indeed Tomo-boy. And let me tell you, when you get rattled in the brain, it is truly a sight to behold." He flapped his hands. "All your ambitions just seem FLY out the window. Oooohoohoohoo! You act much like your elder brother when he is inebriated." A look of horror spread on Tomo's face at the comparison. "I...what?! No...but...it would make sense why I don't remember anything. But...but then when Saeko mentioned us...and...shit." Tomo's head fell into his hands, and groaned. "It was true. She was right, and I made her out to be a liar." He didn't lift his head as he moved a piece. "What in Raiden's name did I do this time?" Haruki moved a piece. "Oh nothing major. Just shoved your tongue in Kiri's mouth, tried to get children to perform a ceremony for you , the Takaki girl, and Kiri, then told the girl she could take you and, well, then you got your clothes ripped off." Tomo shook his head in his hands. "No no no no no."

Tomo finally lifted his head again as realization struck. His wide eyes scanned Haruki's face. "Dear Raiden! I didn't-" "No, you didn't do anything. She stopped right beforehand. Not before shoving her fist through the wall and putting you to sleep." Haruki tapped his chin in contemplation. "Though...I suppose she could be doing something right now...but you seemed pretty willing while you were awake, so I doubt it." Tomo sighed in relief, though the pain in his chest didn't release. Had this happened before and he never knew it? Were there some poor souls out there who had coupled with him, only to never hear from him again? Tomo moved a piece, his expression blank. Haruki chimed in, acting overly optimistic. "Enliven yourself Tomo-boy! I can accurately deduce your thoughts, and you have no need to fret. Aside from the Takaki, you haven't crushed the hearts of any other." Tomo wished that made him feel better, but it didn't.

He finally focused on the game again, and his eye began to twitch. Tomo had been so distracted, he didn't notice that he was making atrocious moves. All Haruki had to do was place is piece in the corner and he would win. Haruki puckered his lips and tapped his chin as he scanned the board. "Hmmm...my my. I believe I have a chance of claiming victory. Isn't this out of the ordinary?" The black-haired man closed his eyes in contemplation before placing his piece in the middle. Tomo blinked in surprise. "Why did you...?" Haruki shrugged. "Perhaps it's because I feel sorry for the girl. Or maybe because I'd hate to find out what would happen if I tried to ditch her in her current state." Haruki motioned to the board with his open palm. "Make your move Tomo-boy." Tomo couldn't shake the confusion as he placed his piece, winning the game. Haruki's voice came out distant. "She's your problem now, Tomo-boy."

<B>---Saeko's Room---​

Tomo's eyes opened slowly. While his mind made adjustments to the situation, he lifted himself into a sitting position. The blankets fell from his chest, and he shivered as the air made contact with his bare chest. He blushed when he looked down, and quickly lifted the sheets. Good...nothing. That or Saeko did a nice clean-up job. Lowering the blankets, his attention fell to Saeko, her body still hunched on the floor. His heart panged, and he subconsciously placed his hand over it. His other hand slid through his bangs, and he held it there as he considered his options.

Finally he rose from the bed, not caring that he was stark naked. It wasn't anything she hadn't already seen, obviously. He found his notebook in his pile of clothes, and opened it up. Tearing out a sheet, he dropped the book and focused on the paper. He clenched his hand, and the page crumpled. He moved before Saeko and squatted down, keeping a respectable distance from her. As he unfurled his hand, a paper flower revealed itself. If she had any knowledge of such things, she would know it was shaped like a Silver Azel. It's meaning was 'giving you support'. Tomo himself only knew this because of his older sister. Sonoko often gave him a real Silver Azel whenever he was picked on by his many siblings. Tomo hoped Saeko understood, if not the actual meaning, then the gesture. Because for once in his life, Tomo had no idea what to say.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Tomo tries to stealth out of bed behind me and I don't respond. I'm not sure how much he remembers of the times when his brain is screwed three ways by Shinbatsu, but even a beautiful idiot like him can put two and two together from context. I want him to stay and talk with me, but I also want him to leave. Did I do right to leave him be and not force myself on him? Or am I merely some sort of broken weirdo who talks dirty and then freezes up when it's time to put up?

At times like these I trust in the guidance of a higher power: television. This whole situation distinctly reminds me of an episode of "Shinobi Friends" where Rossu and Raecheru found themselves alone in an apartment inebriated and devastated by the loss of Raecheru's father. She wanted him, and he said no, though he wanted more than anything for her to want him. The next morning, Rossu expected Raecheru to praise him, only to be chastised for his reticence. When he asked her why she berated him so, Raecheru told him: "It [rutting] would have made me feel happy. Instead, you just lost your godrotting spaghetti all over the place." Well, perhaps that wasn't the exact quote, but you get the drift.

Thus the good screen hath spoken. I'm Rossu: a coward who uses morality to justify his own silly fears.

I grind my forehead harder against my knees. Just leave, Tomo. I won't bother you again after this.

Something prompts me to look up. Tomo's still here, and in his hand is a pretty good replica of an Azel. The one that means "I'm sorry you have herpes" or someshit. (Mother taught me the language of flowers with the aid of a birch rod, so I still retain some fluency.) I scowl.

"If I find a single cold sore in the next few days, I'll gut you," I start to say, but then quickly shut up. Tomo's trying to be nice, when he could have just as easily have left me in solitude. I grasp at his wrist to stop him from getting up.

"Wait, sorry," I say, casting my gaze downward. "I want you, Mochizuki, but I also want you to want me, too. I don't want us to hook up just because you've got a brain-bleed. I won't change who I am, and perhaps it'll never work out between us, but you should know I've fallen for you. If you ever feel that way about me, let me know. I'll let you stick it anywhere you want! Except for my armpits because that's friggin' gross. Now, get out of my apartment."

Just to show him how serious I am, I take the paper flower and hold it close. Even though it says I have chlamydia.

[And this concludes muh part in the thread, I think!]

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head. He hadn't been expecting that to be her response to the flower. Maybe Saeko wasn't a flower person. He could see that. With his intentions lost, he decided leaving might be best. As he attempted to rise, a hand seized his wrist. He looked down at it for a moment before lifting his eyes to Saeko. She herself had lowered her head, apologizing for her harsh words. Tomo stared at her, a look of shock on his face as she explained her feelings towards him. Once finished, she took the flower and Tomo simply gawked at it for a moment. His cheeks began to flush as he slowly stood up straight. Silently, he walked to his clothes and got dressed, still stunned at the turn they had taken.

Once he was clothed, he took his spot again before her. His cheeks still held their blush as he gave an awkward smile. "Thank you Saeko. I'm not sure what you see in me, but I'm glad to hear that there's someone with a good head on her shoulders that actually finds me desirable." He took in a breath slowly, still piecing together his thoughts. He exhaled, and placed a hand lightly on her knee. "You are a gorgeous woman Saeko. But as I am now, I cannot reciprocate your feelings." He stood and made his way towards the door. He grabbed the knob, but turned to face her again before opening it. "I'm going to be taking my Chuunin exam soon. When I return...if I return... let's go on a date. No skinny dipping with children watching, no summoning demons, no toads or Kiri. Just you and me. Let's find out once and for all if this could work." By now, his awkward smile had finally shifted to a warm one. Giving her a bow, he opened the door and left her apartment.

Knowing there was still one final thing he needed to take care of for the day, Tomo returned to the location where everything had occurred. With a little searching, he found Kiri, and approached the man. Tomo's eyes did not meet Kiri's as he spoke. "I'm sorry Kiri. What happened was...well...I wasn't really in my right mind. You treat such acts nonchalantly, but that is no reason for me to treat it as such. What I did may have given you the wrong impression. I mean...you are an...attractive man in your own right... but currently, I cannot be so forward with such actions. I hope you understand." The Mochizuki gave a bow of his head. He was sure Kiri would say it was fine, but he really wondered if deep down, the man would be able to forgive him.

[Topic Left After Kiri's Reaction]

[WC: 457]
[MFT]