An unexpected guest. [Requesting Entrance]

[Shiri]

It was a more-or-less average day at the gates; no unusual visitors or idiotic run attempts, perhaps the guard would see this as a blessing, the more savvy of them might be bracing themselves for an inevitable onslaught of random nonsense that always seems to happen during days that would dare be 'more-or-less average'.

For those on guard, the surprise would take the form of an unusually organized procession approaching their gates. A party of about a dozen tall figures in magnificent white armor made their march closer and closer to the village; the front ranks of the group were equipped with halberds while the rear of the troupe possessed lever-action repeaters. Their lack of siege weaponry made it unlikely that they were going to try to break into the village, which meant they were most likely escorts for some high-class figure. Either that or they were really, really stupid. Either way, the guard probably didn't have anything to worry about.

As the armored procession completed it's march, a young Kaminarijin woman of relatively short stature made her way to the front of the platoon. Her dark hair flowed down her back, and her body was adorned by a red cloak. Those who had some knowledge of recent events in Tenouza would identify her as Yamauchi Shuu, the current Disciple, heir to the Pontiff's holy office.

Yamauchi Shuu [iNPC]

"Lieutenant. The horn, please? I'd rather not have to shout." Shuu requested, holding her hand out. A soldier from the front of the platoon stepped forward and handed Shuu a small trumpet-like instrument. Shuu wasted no time in making her presence known; she lifted the instrument to her lips and proceeded to sound a welcoming blast that could be heard from at least ten city blocks away. Once she was assured that she had made enough noise to alert the guards (and the majority of the village populace, for that matter), Shuu gave the horn back to the soldier; who made his way back to the formation once he had retrieved the instrument from the girl.

Ohhhh boy, what a lovely day to be a guard, right?

_________________

 

[Matsuno Hama]

Whooshwhooshwhooshwhooshwhooshwhooshwhooshwhoosh.

The hell is that?

THWACK!

From behind, a guards shiny metal helmet was hit by a staff that had been spinning through the air, said oaken staff bouncing off the head and disappearing in a poof of cloudy shadow.

Whooshwhooshwhooshwhooshwhooshwhooshwhooshwhoosh.

THWACK!

It happened again, a different guard from a different direction.

And this kept happening. In fact, that whooshing staff-bounce didn't stop until every guard had been hit in the head. And just when they thought they knew how to avoid it? The staff would fly up from their own shadows to hit them in the head, though always in the helmet, and always with no effect other then a bell-like ping.

However, the last whooshing attack of the flying what-the-fuck-staff would, unless blocked, land right in the center of Suu's forehead, not hard enough to kill her mind you, but enough to leave a bump of red unpleasantness.

And then he arrived! This old man of an average athletic build approached, one eyelid twitching in irritation. Though it could have been Parkinson's.
Well, let's be honest, he was a sexy sixty even in his seventies.

"Look at these shiny-headed metal-wearing non-ninja pissant little cretins," He could be heard saying quite audibly, though by the tone of his voice and expression of his face he really should have been having an internal monologue. Or.. is that what he was doing? "Coming to my gates while I'm sleeping and waking me up from this wonderful dream where I had the formor Hokage at my fingertips and tongue tips and all kinds of happy go lucky tips. I should kill them here and now and hide the bodies, no one would know. Yes, pitiful cretins thinking they're so colorful and pressy, undistinguished and dishonorable creeps. Best stroke their egos so they'll go away. Why, children! Hello!" He said with a happy smile, almost grandfather but for the gold tooth glinting in the sun, "What brings such an honorable and distinguished envoy such as yourselves to our lovely gates? And how can I make you leave and go home or to my morgue to add to my collection? Is there any way I can be of assistance? They don't suspect a thing. I think I'll take the pretty one first, she looks like she'll hold up well in preservative fluid."

 

[Shiri]

"Hey!"

"What the-"

The soldiers all went into a defensive stance as, one by one, they were all tapped by the staff. The lieutenant took guard next to Shuu right before being hit himself. Eventually the staff closed in on Shuu, the little girl reflexively dodged... although it would prove redundant, as the lieutenant blocked the hit with his halberd. At this point the entire party was on edge, wondering just what had resulted in this rather... rude welcome.

Once the assault of what shall forever be known as the 'What-The-Fuck-Is-That-Ow Staff' ended, an elderly man approached the group, and seemed somewhat irritated.

What followed.... defies explanation.

The entire company of Disciple and her loyal knights recoiled in shock as the old man proceeded to speak his (increasingly dark and twisted, at least from their perspective) thoughts out loud, so that all present heard. Shuu in particular, courtesy of her face not being obscured by a helmet, could be seen to be quite obviously disturbed. As the armored men kept their weapons held on guard, Shuu gave out a small sigh and signaled her guard to stay back... for now. 'Maybe if I just play along... and ask nicely... he won't do any of his dreadful plans.' she thought.

"My sincerest apologies if we arrived at an inconvenient time, guard-sama." Shuu said, trying her best to keep a formal, calm tone (and being tortured by every second of it). "I am Yamauchi Shuu, I request entry into this village. I have a passport from my place of origin, if it is required. My guards will not require entry; they will be returning home, as their city has need of them." she explained, hoping the old man would prove to be at least slightly reasonable.

... given how... off he seemed, Shuu figured she had about a fifty-fifty chance (actually, maybe a bit worse than that).


_________________

 

[Matsuno Hama]

"Guard-sama? This girl here thinks I'm a guard? Poor creature, if only she was that lucky. No, no, much worse than that I'm afraid. Feign of benevolent expression, yes, let her believe she was safe. grandpa Meo's going to take care of you. I won't harm a hair on your head. No, no, then the wig would be ruined." As he spoke this aloud his expression took on the corresponding, proper shape, that of a kind old man, despite the rather unkind-old-man things he spoke. "Ah, child, I'm no guard. I'm actually a mednin. Chief, in fact, here in this humble village of nice, pleasant people. Yes, nice and pleasant when people don't come to bother us with horns and trumpets and making me want to smack them with my staff. Speaking of.. Have you seen my staff? I seem to have lost it." No sooner was the question asked....

...

Whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whack, yet again that staff flew from nowhere and anywhere all at once, thwaking against the head of a guard before poofing into shadow.

"Ah, there it i-" He paused mid-sentence, mouth dropping a little. "Dammit, Mule, where have you been? Where are you coming from?" Sure enough, from behind them a mule arrived, plodding along at a lazy pace, chewing a strand of grass that never seemed to go away no matter how long the mule ate it. And as he got closer, Meo shouted.

"My staff! You mindless oaf, you took it with you! Oh, you're definately going into a stew for this you long-eared four legged fat-nosed mutant of a cross breed! I even have some fresh tomatoes to keep you company!" A pause, then, as the mule passed the group. Oddly enough, the guards would see, along with a sack of potatoes atop the mules back, hanging at its side...

His staff.

Meo stomped over to the much-larger-than-him animal and yanked the staff from the mules side, then paused when he saw the sack of potatoes. He narrowed his eyes and turned his head to look the mule dead in one of its round, beady eyes.

The mule stared back.

"Well then, oh joyful envoy of Yamauchi Shuu, if you would please forgive this idiotic anima- ow!" The mule kicked him in a gesture seemingly unrelated to the fact that it was being insulted, rather, one of those random kicks animals seemed to do as their tail swished, as his was, when flies were around its rump. Though, there were no flies around this one's rump. Meo promptly kicked the animal in reurn and leapt away, cackling.

"I win this one, fool!" He turned to the group again.

"Well, Miss Shuu, I'd like to see that passport, please. And that Hood-forsaken trumpet so I can melt it down to make coins to gamble with, you wretch." Again, his face was quite acrobatic in how it shifted to follow both sides of his conversation, and by the time he finished he was once again smiling all gentle and nice-like.

 

[Shiri]

The old man's utter inability to keep his inner thoughts... well... inner both amused and disturbed the child Disciple; while the fact that he was seemingly unaware that all in company could hear him proved humorous to her, the actual thoughts that she was hearing from him were nothing short of absolutely unsettling.

The old man asked about his staff; Shuu was about to mention that a staff of some sort had assailed the party moments earlier, but as luck would have it.... yup, the 'What-The-Fuck-Is-That-Ow Staff' had returned for another round, one of the men cursed in frustration as he received his second whack on the head for the day.

And then... the mule. Yes, a mule.

The entire group stared in disbelief as they saw the mule with the old-man's staff; they were smart enough to put two and two together... but they really didn't want to admit what they had just been informed of. "Wait.... so, I got hit in the face by a mule?" one of the guards exclaimed. The entire situation seemed absurd to them.

And Shuu was.... well... laughing. Yup, the situation had become so absurd that the only proper response for the little lady was to make absolute comedy of it (not that making comedy of things was in any way foreign to Shuu).

Once the exchange between the old man and the mule ended, the old man began to adres-

Wait, no, never mind, the exchange between the old man and the mule was not over yet. One more kick. NOW it was over.

Once the exchange between the old man and the mule actually ended, Shuu was asked for her passport (there may or may not have been a witty remark about the horn thrown in as well, but Shuu had finally started to tune the outer-inner monologues out, ever so slightly). Shuu reached into her pockets and retrieved a small, official-looking piece of paper and showed it to the old man.

Issued by the Authority of
the Tenouzan State

Yamauchi Shuu
Ambassador of the State, Priestess of the Church, and Disciple of the Pontiff

By virtue of her office, and with the blessings of the Pontiff's Court and the State, has been granted permission to leave the borders of the Tenouzan state freely and without condition.

This document will not expire unless revoked by the State. Any incidents involving the bearer of this document should be reported to the Tenouzan State via mail, telegram, or comm. frequency</B>​

<B>

All of the relevant contact information was listed on the back of the passport (for your convenience); mostly just how to get in contact with the guard should an 'incident' arise.


_________________

 

[Matsuno Hama]

Ponder ponder.

Meo studied the passport for a time, long enough that Shuu would probably begin to wonder whether or not Meo could read, or if in fact he was so old that he was blind. However, this was not the case.

"It doesn't say anything here about being given permission to blow a horn loud enough to knock a few years off of my precious life, regardless of the fact that I have plenty left. Yes, yes, for that I'll let you choose how I punish you, insolent child. Why are you here, and who do you want to see? Oh,. maybe she wasn't to visit me. Yes, yes, everyone wants to visit the High Priest of Shadow, Heralf of Hood and keeper of the Morgue." Oh, so uddenly he was semi-official even if entirely insane, the glances he kept giving the mule the sly sideways kind that you would give to children trying to attempt something, only to have them immediately stop.

Only, the mule wasn't doing anything, just eating that piece of grass. However, every time Meo DID glance over, as soon as he returned his gaze to Shuu, the mule's ear would either flick, or his tail would whip from side to side.

.. And Meo's staff was missing again. What the f- where did it go? IT WAS JUST IN HIS HANDS!

 

[Shiri]

There was a pause.

A pause of the awkward, unwanted kind.

And given the somewhat... odd... behavior of the old man, it was a very unsettling pause for Shuu. His external monologue seemed to stop, which suggested that either:

A. He was not currently thinking of new ways to kill and preserve the group

B. The external monologue was a ruse, and Shuu should be very, very afraid.

Wait, afraid? Seriously?... never mind, Shuu ain't never scared. Evar. She's the bravest little girl in the entire world!

'I hope everyone here isn't like this... maybe I should have stayed home.'

Never mind the never mind, Shuu might be in need of padded underwear in the near future.


The old man made a quip about the horn blast, which was expected enough. "In my home, it is considered polite to make one's presence known when entering a city... perhaps that courtesy need not apply here."Shuu said, more of an idle comment than anything else. Once that little detail was out of the way the man started asking the obvious question 'why are you here?', well, obviously a person of Shuu's office would have a darned good reason for trekking all the way from her home to the hidden village... or not.

"Well... actually... I just came here because I was curious. I've never been this far away from home. I've never seen a village like this one. Is that wrong?" Shuu explained (as much as that answer explained anything), her voice shifted towards a more informal tone, she had apparently had enough of trying to act 'proper' for the day.

The guards, meanwhile, all sighed from underneath their helmets as they were forced to admit that, yes, they had been dragged around the countryside and up the mountains for no other reason than a runt-sized teenager of a high priestess' boredom and curiosity.

But hey, at least they get paid to put up with this nonsense!


_________________

 

[Matsuno Hama]

Whoosh-whoosh-thwak.

The path it took was shorter now, as if the staff or its so-far mysterious thrower was getting lazy, though this time the staff would be aimed to land in a way that it would horizontally collide with the top of Shuu's head, the way it would as if an upset elder for one reason or another wanted to smack some sense into it.

So maybe it wasn't the mule this time. But you couldn't be sure.

"Impolite not to let someone know you're there. Well, where I come from, its impolite not to be dead before you have people wanting to put you in a morgue. Ah, well. Curiosity killed the cat, as they say, though you're perfectly safe here. I say through kindly grinning teeth unmet by my eyes, innocent whelp styling herself a priestess when there is no god but Shadow, other than maybe Hood but he doesn't count, more a toll-booth for souls. Well, well. Come with me, child, and leave these woefully inadequate guardsmen behind. Well, this is odd, I'm starting to say what I'm thinking and I never do that. Oh, but this girl, too dense to read between the lines, let alone hear between my words. I cackle in delight while taking her to my home; yes, let her visit among the Clouds, never to be seen again." He turned and motioned with a hand for her to follow, while managing to, with that same hand, wave away her guards in the same motion. Because ninja. "Come, come." All the while he cackled that aforementioned cackle as only an old man could, sounding both happy and crazy at the same time.

And as he led her to the village? Why, the gentle tapping of his staff once again in his hand began as he used it more of an affectation rather than weight support.

[Welcome to Cloud.]

 

[Shiri]

Thwack!

"Ow!"

The 'What-The-Fuck-Is-That-Ow Staff' made it's triumphant return and collided with Shuu's head, this time both the little girl and her bodyguards were caught unaware. The guards all jumped back and took defensive positions for a few seconds before relaxing back into a neutral position. Several of them could be heard muttering something along the lines of "I hate that goddamn staff".

The old man, in between his mad ramblings, decided to allow Shuu entry into the village... and then proceeded to continue on with the mad ramblings. Finally, he appeared to be at least somewhat aware that he was actually saying what he was thinking; although he still didn't seem to think Shuu was aware of it, which was amusing enough. As Shuu made her entry into the hidden village, the guards broke away and started their trek back to their home city, and started to wonder just how they were going to explain this nonsensical adventure to Shuu's guardian.

Once Shuu was safely (well, as safe as one can be with a rambling maniac as company) inside the village walls, she decided that something just had to be said:

"The talking thing. You've been doing that the whole time. And I've heard most of it, although I kinda wish I hadn't."

... was that really a smart thing for Shuu to say? Well, no, it probably wasn't. Shuu accelerated her pace a little bit, ready to break out into a full run if she had to, just in case she had to make a lot of distance very quickly while being chased by a batshit insane old man.

[Leaving Topic to Inner Village]


_________________