Between Piles of Papers [Private]

[Senju Shizuka]

Unfolding the little paper she had tucked away in her pocket, Shizuka read the address that’s been given to her. This place had to be it. No, this wasn’t the Chuunins home, but according to the old toad behind one of the counters at the Annex this would be where she could find Suika today. Hopefully, the older girl wasn’t too busy with her work. Shizuka would hate to interrupt but the afternoon was running out and if she didn’t do it today she might be too busy to poke Suika tomorrow. Besides, if there was a group of younger students still present, she could wait for them to go home. Or Suika could let them leave early, the young Senju could bet that they would love that gesture.

Silently wandering through the hall she found the room that’s been described to her. Well, the door rather than the room. Its location was pretty clear so she hoped that the woman hadn’t messed up. Knocking on it just to find out someone else inside would be slightly weird. Mentally preparing herself for such a situation she spent a couple of long seconds standing in the hall before someone appeared in the distance. Remaining her for a lot longer would come across as odd so she brought up her fist to the door and allowed two clean thuds to echo through the fairly quiet building.

“Senju Shizuka here, do I have the permission to come in?”

Unsure if she was meant to come in or the warning was a fair one, Shizuka carefully opened the door to pop her head inside. Strands of dark chocolate colored hair swung back and forth while she turned a little to see if it was indeed Suika who was inside. When her pair of jade-green eyes found their target, she smiled brightly.

“Hi! I hope that I’m not disturbing you?”

The disarming smile was supposed to save her in case of her approach being too informal. It was unclear, really, if this was her trying to contact a superior or just wanting to talk to Suika like a.. a what? A normal person?

Ranks were always such a bother. And with few guidelines for situations outside of classes and missions, Shizuka found herself slightly lost. That’s why her sliding inside of the room looked more like a cat exploring unknown territory than a student entering a teacher’s office.

“Do you have some time to talk a little? Hmm, I have a couple of questions for you.”


**

 

[Suika]

Nothing particularly was exciting about this day. Since becoming Chuunin, the kunoichi was often swamped with far more work than she was assigned as a Genin. Upon her Chuunin exam, she verbally opted to work within the Academy and help mold the minds of young, future shinobi. She was young herself, but Suika was a go-getter and, arguably, a genius among some of her peers. However, this power did come with great responsibility. That responsibility was manifested in the loads of paperwork she was assigned. To her dismay, Suika flipped through pages of case files, lesson plans, and even more confidential paperwork given to her. There was so much to do! Leaning back on her chair in the annex she was placed in, she stared up at the ceiling for a bit. “Maybe I should demote myself back to Genin…” That was an interesting thought. Would the village even accept that?

Amidst her complaining thoughts, she heard a knock on the door followed by someone entering the annex. Kicking herself up, her gleaming, magenta eyes met the other girl's jade ones. Shizuka? Standing up, the young kunoichi approached the girl. Blinking curiously, Suika heard out her request. “Shizuka-san,” the girl’s previous taken back expression shifted into a light, welcoming grin, “welcome! It’s been a while.” Giving a small, respectful headbow as to finish her greeting, Suika motioned her hand toward a seat at the main instructor’s desk. “Time is definitely something I have. Take a seat.” The small Chuunin herself would then situate herself on the opposite side of the desk with her own chair. With her hands planted comfortably on the desk, she leaned in subtly. “So, what’s on your mind, Shizuka-san? I can’t promise to have the answers you want, but I’ll gladly answer honestly.”

Ironically, and despite her new rank, Suika appeared almost the same as when Shizuka had first met her during their rabbit-killing tutor. The only difference was the Chuunin jacket she was forced to sport within the Academy, but her petite frame was still intact as well as her cool, down-to-earth aura. She was still the tiny kunoichi Shizuka had met on that mountain... just with a better rank. There was no drastic change, really.

 

[Senju Shizuka]

“Thank you,” Shizuka smiled and returned the bow before taking the seat offered to her. The piles of papers got her attention causing her to feel guilty about taking time from Suika. It was very likely that the Chuunin had better things to do than soothing the worries of an Academy student. Still, she was here now and it was better to speak up than to come across as a complete retard.

“Well, lately I’ve had different missions that were supposed to help me decide what it is that I want to do once I’ve graduated. But, unfortunately,” she looked a bit shy here, unsure if this was a ‘problem’ one should bother superiors with. The only thing that kept her going was the relaxing presence Suika had. Back then on the mission, the attitude the older kunoichi had was what had attracted Shizuka to her. She had turned out to be quite friendly, so it was that friendliness that the Senju was counting on now. “it didn’t really help. I’m still uncertain about where I would fit in the most. It’s a bit scary because it feels like you can choose the wrong path and then..”

Exhaling she vaguely gestured around. “What if I end up being bad at it? What if people die because of me?”

Where worries like that had been far away from home just a couple months ago, they were quite real now. Having been in some serious fights during her trip, the responsibility of having to take care of others weighted heavy now. Of course, at the moment she wasn’t one to lead, nor would she be any time soon, but being a pillar of the team was still heavy work.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you make the choice to be here?”

While at first sight teaching seemed like something ‘easy’, Shizuka found out, after a small task to teach some younger students, that it was very hard and held a lot of responsibility as well. If you taught them wrong, they might die later on. Indirectly the ones who instructed you had your life in their hands.


**

 

[Suika]

As Shizuka went right into asking her life-heavy questions, Suika simply listened with an expression that conveyed her openness and intent to fully hear the girl out. The questions the student asked resonated well with the kunoichi and, until recently, were some she was consumed by. After all, when Suika first came to Cloud, she had no problem hurting others if it guaranteed her survival. Thanks to lessons from her instructors and the bonds she formed, aspects of the shinobi world shifted into a realm of gray. Was killing right? What was her purpose as a shinobi? Where would she best be an asset for the village? Why did she want to help the village?

Some of those queries were still unanswered, but she felt more peace about the internal struggle she faced. That peace sprouted from within and, like herself, Shizuka may soon have her own eye-opening experiences that will guide her toward her next steps. That’s an answer she could have responded with, but chose not to. Instead, with eyes that painted subtle contemplation, Suika reflected Shizuka’s own words right back at her. There was a purpose to why she did so.

“What if you are bad at it? What if people do die? Then what, Shizuka-san? Will you grow depressed? Will you quit?” And, by that point, will it be too late to go back? The kunoichi’s words were not condescending, but instead were posed thoughtfully. As to her final question… “Why did I choose to be here? It’s quite simple, Shizuka-san. While I am grateful for Cloud, there are aspects of the village I am unhappy with. There are many great people I’ve come to befriend in this village, but some of the systems and traditions in place, especially considering I was a foreigner before my time in the Academy, I don’t agree with. Instead of complaining like many do, I chose the branch I felt I could create the most impact and aid in my ambitions in making a true change.”

Twirling a pen that she tapped intermittently, Suika revealed a slight grin. She seemed intrigued, as if almost lost in the image of her aspirations. “Kind of vague, I know, but that’s my answer. With that, I’m also aware of the risks of my goals. How do I feel about them or how will I react to future failure? I don’t know. But that’s why it’s called ‘risk’. You can only hope for the best, right?” The girls smile grew determined as she rested her pen and formed a soft fist on her desk. “So, Shizuka-san, what drives you?” Suika was genuinely curious.

 

[Senju Shizuka]

With her hands neatly in her lap Shizuka half-held her breath while waiting for an answer. This was the first time that she had spoken so openly about her worries. Mother and father poked her about her future plans now and then, but she waved off their questions with her usual lazy grin. ‘I’ll cross that bridge when I get there’, she had laughed softly but winced inside. She wished that it would be that easy. Unfortunately, the less dreamy part of her brain was convinced that it wouldn’t be. If it had been, she would already known what she wanted to do.

“I eh-” caught entirely off guard by the sudden flow of questions, she kept silent. The things she had asked were fired right back at her, and she couldn’t possibly dodge them all. Even if she didn’t reply to them right now she would have to find an answer to them one day. Sometime soon. It’s why she was here.

Was Suika telling her that she had to give an answer to her own questions?

Shizuka’s head spun.

“D-drives me?” More confusion. More awkward staring.

She shook herself out of the wide-eyed stare with a soft cough. The first questions hadn’t been settled yet and Suika was already throwing a bomb at her. So, in her lost state she only found one word to reply with.

“Curiosity.”

Now that she’s said it redness came crawling up her fair cheeks. Somehow it sounded quite stupid when voiced the way she had. At least in her mind there had been an explanation to that single word. But as it was now, it just hung in the air between them. Shizuka expected Suika to burst out in laughter, honestly. Waited for it, for a moment, then tried to save her face from the disgrace that was surely yet to come.

“I mean, my parents are both Shinobi.. so it was only normal that I went into the Academy. From that day I’ve just been looking for things I found interesting to do, like learning new ninjutsu.” And drawing, she thought but didn’t say it. Shinobi weren’t famous for silly things like making sketches of animals or limbs.

“Suika-san,” with all the concern of a ten year old she felt her eyebrows raise as the realization of not having anything that drives her forward hit her full force. “I don’t think that there is anything that drives me. Is that normal?”

There was panic, but she managed to hide most of it. Throwing things onto the table that might make it easier for Suika to help her figure out what type of incentives she needed, Shizuka started her little rambling.

“Having been in Tea and Marsh, I eh, I would like to travel! One day, I hope to go to Sand.”

There are Senju there, too. Did you know that? - She kept those thoughts to herself as well, but the excitement regarding them seeped into her words.

“Yeah, I want to see all these beautiful places in the world. Meet people. Taste things. And discover new plants!” Oh, the love for tall trees, endless meadows, and steep mountains filled her heart up so fast she couldn’t help smile. Through her eyes one could see her deep devotion to nature.


**

 

[Suika]

Curiosity.

Suika, with calm, listening eyes, nodded her head assuredly as the student went on to explain herself further. The girl looked a bit nervous as she shared her thoughts with the girl, which the kunoichi found cute, but she kept her amusement to herself. Although Shizuka claimed to have no drive, it was apparent that she did, whether she realized it or not. The Chuunin didn’t have a specific answer to what that was, but the girl was shedding bits and pieces of her ambitions. Suika caught on to it quick.

“Marsh, ay? I’m surprised the village allowed a student near that secluded, militaristic nation. Sounds like you had quite the experience.” The kunoichi herself entertained the thought of traveling one day. How else was she supposed to potentially aid in the village’s leadership one day if she didn’t possess worldliness? Albeit, she did venture to various nations in childhood with her gypsy troupe, but she was never able to truly live in to those moments; she was once bound by a type of slavery. Regardless, she would save that notion for another day. Suika, with a subtle grin, honed in on the young girl before her. As Shizuka beamed her elated smile, the kunoichi mirrored the same.

“You speak of having no drive, Shizu-san, but it seems your spirit is driven by adventure. Your aura even changed color and danced wildly as you described your love for travel. Maybe that is part of the answer you seek?” With her gift, her spiritual sight, Suika was able to make out the energies of the people around her. It typically required a lengthy, drawn-out explanation, so if Shizuka inquired about it, she’d simply ignore it and transition into her cautionary forewarning. With that, her demeanor shifted more seriously. She yearned not to rain on the student’s parade, but it would be an injustice not to paint the full picture for the girl.

“As a shinobi, you will have an opportunity for power, travel, and experiences non-chakra users will never have access to. But, with that, Shizu-san, there is a cost.” </B><B>The kunoichi’s expression grew increasingly cold as the curve of her lips slanted downward. “You will be tasked to killed. You’ll have no choice to do it unless you risk the sanctity of the village or the life of your comrade. You will be ordered to lay down your life for an explanation that appears ‘just cause’ at times. Shinobi are soldiers. Who are you to question your commander’s orders?”[/color] Suika crossed her arms. Her eye almost twitched; clearly, this disturbed her, too. “Your innocence will be ripped from you, and you will never be the same. Whatever drives you, Shizuka, is it worth it?” After a prolonged pause, Suika quickdrew a coin. With it was an illustration. “Then again, just like this coin, there’s more than just one side. You will be tasked to kill, but the man you got rid of aimed to kidnap children from the village for trafficking. You will lay down your life without visible reason, but perhaps the mission you were assigned would indirectly save hundreds. Your innocence was ripped, but you preserve another. Is it worth it?” Standing up, both the girl’s expression and posture became more relaxed. She leaned against her desk with one hand and motioned with the other.


“Sometimes it’s a bit more complex than that and you’ll find yourself in gray spots, but it is important to weigh in the potential realities of a path before heading down it. Then again, there’s always alternative, Shizu-san.” The girl revealed a light smile. Any signs of frigidity had faded away. “What that is for you, well, that’s for you to find out.” And Suika was done her little spiel. While she attempted to spill wisdom over to Shizuka, her words put aspects of her own career into perspective. Was Suika strong enough to survive the risks of this lifestyle? She was uncertain; however, it was her stubborn choice to press forward.

“So, what do you think?” Admittedly, she felt she let out quite the mouthful. Perhaps she dove into her explanation a little too passionate? Then again, matters such as these sometimes proved the determination between life and death. Suika felt justified for that reason and, therefore, didn’t mind the extensiveness of her speech. She was curious as to how the other girl felt and processed her words, though, and was open to any feedback if she had any.

 

[Senju Shizuka]

“It was under Sui-san’s guidance that I’ve been able to see the place,” Shizuka nodded, fully agreeing that the opportunity given to her by the higher-ups had been an extraordinary one. To think that she wasn’t grateful for it would be a mistake, and she wanted to display her understanding about the matter to make sure that Suika was aware of her feelings.

“Oh?” she mouthed, quietly wondering how Suika knew about her aura. She didn’t argue or interrupt, though. Figuring that the question had been a rhetorical one, she waited for it to be her turn to speak up. When Suika’s demeanor changed Shizuka knew that she had made the right choice by staying quiet. The last thing she wanted was to make the Chuunin upset with her. So, with wide-eyes and a nervously beating heart, the young student committed to memory what her elder said.

The heaviness of the words spoken was like a pile of stones pushing on her chest - she knew about this already but the fights in Marsh had put some of those things at test. It was quite easy to agree to do something that sounded ‘nicely’ because it was for a good cause, and consisted out of mere words rather than actions. A whole different matter was to live up to the expectations then placed on you.

Unable to answer Suika about whether it was worth it she studied her with a worried gaze. The bright green darkened a little, a certain type of dread formed itself there when she thought about losing friends or family. Do questionable things to protect them? Trust those above her to order the right things to be done? At the moment she could do it, could say ‘yes’. So far it has been worth it, but one could never know what the future might bring.

Hesitantly opening her mouth to speak up she then closed it again. Like a fish gasping after having being thrown onto the land, she did it again. Only when Suika’s posture melted and the sternness faded from her face did Shizuka find the words to form a ‘some sort of’ answer.

“I don’t.. I don’t really see any alternatives, Suika-san. This hmm ..this is who I am. The only path I see right now is the one where I graduate.. after that, well, like you’ve said travelling will be limited in any case, but possible.” Pensively looking out of the window she shifted a bit to the side as if attracted by the outside world. Her eyes remained there, studying the light falling into the room in thick squares of golden white.

“I think it might be hard not to get an explanation to why you’re supposed to do something, but I understand that it can be complicated or dangerous.. still, that doesn’t make it easier.” With her gaze directed at the wooden desk now, as if it was some hard math problem, she visibly chewed on her bottom lip.

“There was a guy I’ve met who spoke about himself like a weapon, and while at first I thought to agree with him, I then realized that he really thought us to be mere tools, but.. we’re human. Skilled ones, but human.” Unsure why she was adding this or if it was even of any relevance, she shook her head. “Apologies, Suika-san, I’m rambling, am I not?”

“Oh, if you would allow me, I would like to say,” keeping herself strong, while feeling a bit embarrassed at the words already forming at the back of her throat, she didn’t look down. “that the way you’ve decided to take matters in your own hands is admirable. I hope that in time I’ll be able to devote myself to cause just like you.”


**
MFT

 

[Suika]

“Siu-chan?” Suika echoed. Turning her head, she attempted to hide a light blush. They say old habits tend to die hard, but the kunoichi’s admiration for Siu hasn’t. Ever since her first class at the academy, the Chuunin had always possessed a fondness over her fellow kunoichi. Siu was kind, curious, and, overall, brilliant. The girl had deep respect for her. “Yeah, you were in great hands.”

As Shizuka remained silent, the Chuunin’s mind pondered for a moment. “Perhaps I went in a little too strong…” Her musing was instantly diffused once the young student finally responded. Although she seemed a bit unsure, Suika sensed the amount of immense conviction in the girl’s words. She yearned to be a shinobi – this was her path. Nodding her head in acknowledgement, the kunoichi allowed for Shizuka to finish her spiel before commenting. After, with her own thoughts formulated, she replied with the same slight grin.

“Well then, Shizuka-san, so a shinobi you will be.” As for her last comment, it was one to comment on. “And you’re both right, in my opinion. Being a shinobi is understanding that one is both a tool and, at the same time, existing as a human with emotions, history, and ambitions. I’m still coming to gripes with that myself.” And that sentiment was definitely true. Approaching the girl, Suika, boldly, attempted to place her hand on Shizuka’s shoulders. Her petite hands were soft and rested comfortably; it was meant as a warm embrace.

“You flatter me, Shizuka-san. I may seem to have figured it all out, but even I’m stumped at times about which step to take down this path I chose, if I even dare take a step…” Suika then pulled her hand away and reached into her pouch. With a momentarily contemplative expression, she pulled out a small scroll and handed it out to the student. “Inside this scroll, Shizu-san,” she transitioned into a sort of a nickname for the girl, “is my contact information. It has my address, my tentative schedule, and the best ways to get a hold of me. I’m typically busy nowadays, but my time will always be available to you when you need it and if I am free.” Suika then beamed a smile. It was both genuine and radiated a type of optimism that she hadn’t shown before. “I am not sure what path you’re headed, but I feel certain it’ll be a worthwhile one. If you want to grow stronger and learn more, I can help take you there.”

It was a generous offer, and one Suika seldom ever gifted to anyone. Despite her openness, she valued her privacy and alone time, so it was almost out-of-character for her to even extend such an invitation toward anyone. She was even bewildered by her actions, but her gut instincts, the pestering spiritual aspect of herself, pushed her to do so. Shizu, with the curiosity, ambition, and heart she had, would be someone important someday. Suika knew she was capable of being a minor, positive part of that journey. Who knew what the future held?

[Topic Left! Forgot to write this in!]

 

[Senju Shizuka]

Suika’s mild reaction left Shizuka filled with joy. She hadn’t wanted to come across like some sort of slime ball trying to gain a favor from a superior, no, it was just her respectfully expressing her opinion on Suika’s approach. The gentle touch of her shoulders did surprise her a little, but she wasn’t scared or nervous anymore. And simply inclined her head when offered the scroll.

“Thank you, Suika-san, I really appreciate this.” Taking it from her hand she pressed it against her tummy with a wide smile. A heaviness had fallen from her shoulders now. For one, she wasn’t alone, not at all. Aside from her parents and friends, there were higher-ups like Siu, Shieo, and now Suika who were willing to help her grow. Even if she wouldn’t get it right from the first time, she was sure that they would guide her further, and help her to learn how to be better whenever necessary.

These thoughts filled her with warmth. While they didn’t fully erase her worries regarding being unable to help those who needed it or fail someone in a fight, it soothed her stress regarding picking a spot. Somehow, Suika had managed to ease her mind. Perhaps it had been the way she’s said that Shizuka would be a shinobi that had done it. Or..maybe the ‘worthwhile’-bit. It could have always been the friendly gesture, too.

All of it together left her thinking that it wasn’t too late for anything yet. She didn’t have to hurry picking something she wasn’t ready for yet. Being a kunoichi, yes, she yearned to wear the forehead protector, but needed some time to figure out how she would deal with life once it was there. At the same time she could only do that once she was actually at that point.

Everyone had a different timeline, she realized with the scroll still tightly held in her hand. Rushing wouldn’t solve anything. In fact, it would only confuse further whatever hadn’t been unraveled yet. And it would stress her like crazy.

One step at the time.

“This.. this conversation has been very valuable to me, Suika-san. If there is anything I can do back for you, please let me know so I can repay you.” Nodding, the young Senju smiled brightly before hiding the scroll in the little pouch she carried around. That way she certainly wouldn't lose it.

With the schedule and personal information from Suika, she felt excited that she could know find her if questions arose. Gratefull, was another feeling she had toward this fairly young Chuunin. Not everyone would sacrifice their free time to help out an Academy student. Most probably wouldn't, but Shizuka was lucky to be surrounded by the best of the best.


**