Get lost, find trouble

[Yukari]

Yukari was good at being in the role of dutiful daughter. It came naturally. Oba chan always exclaimed at how sweet she was- though she didn't think she was doing anything special... But honestly... errands were not what she was expecting when she came to Cloud. She'd been expecting adventure and challenges worthy of skills a lifetime in the making. She was getting... bored. She was bored back home, Boring Boring errands, boring parties, boring curtsies and boring manners. So sometimes, when the shop wasn't busy and she wasn't needed, she'd go out, and not come back til late night. She'd walk for hours, getting lost and then finding the way home. She'd explore the well lit streets and the shadowed alleyways.

Peace time, everybody.

Still, you get paid for getting cats out of trees, catching lost dogs, fetching ingredients for apothecaries, and always keeping a look out for something better. Danger- though not Yukari's middle name- was something she craved. And so, preoccupied with boredom as she was, she came upon a notice, which read:

Bored? Broody? Looking for change, excitement? You're In LUCK! Soar like the eagle but cheaper at Raven's Rest Nest and pub! We've got wine women and song! We've got games of chance! And best of all, we've got your future winnings! Don't you wanna claim it? Located at Shido alley and Gomi Parkway, in the same parking lot as the Targatu behind the dumpster.

"Why does that sound like a good idea..." Yukari muttered as she read the flyer. It was a shitty looking flyer. Clearly made by someone who didn't care much. But she did kind of want to win something... With Significant Misgivings- which she dismissed- she walked to Shido and Gomi, and walked behind the Targatu to the ugly little bar. It was Such A Dive. Yukari kinda loved it.

[wc 309]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Bad things always happen in, around, or near dumpsters, and they nearly always involve the village leadership. It wasn't too long ago that I had to excise the corrupting influence of the Trashkage himself from our Dear Derpy Leader Ayumu, only to be rewarded with a fine for littering. I suppose I should've counted myself lucky not to have faced the gallows, but c'mon--I saved the damn village that day! So, it's with some degree of trepidation that I've uncomfortably holed up in a corner of the Raven's Rest Nest (in the same parking lot as the Targatu behind the dumpster), trying to drown my jitters in Pissweiser and cigs.

I do have a reason to be here, though. That is, I'm stalking a woman. I'm told she's a classy redhead with meaty arms and a foul temper, which just happens to be my type (as a self-professed masochist). No, perverted reader, my plans for her don't actually involve zipties and roofies. I'm actually tracking her down so I can ask her for help.

When she enters, it's pretty obvious that I've found my target. She's exactly how I remember her mother, which gives truth to the old adage that if you want to know what a woman's going to be like in twenty years, just look at her mom. That means that I'm going to turn into a sadistic, toilet-chucking lightning-farting witch, which suits me just fine and I'm already halfway there. And, just like my mother, I hate--hatehatehate--making introductions and small-talk. In fact, I can already feel the spaghetti churning in my guts as I rise from my corner and slink over to the bar trying to look all casual-like.

"Uh, hi," I say unceremoniously as I flop down on the stool next to her. "I'm not making a lesbian pass at you. Sorry if you wanted that. Actually here on some other business. Are you Hikari's daughter? You sure as hell look like it."

 

[Yukari]

Yukari went straight to the bar, and ordered a Dark n stormy, then sat and stared out at the dance floor. She thought- watch the clientel. Watch em, and pick one to win a bunch of yen offa.

She sipped her drink slowly, waiting for something to jump out at her- and then, someone picks her. She's the sucker. Not what she planned. She turns and looks the girl over. She looks exactly like the trash that'd frequent a dumpster dive, already smelled like pisswiser and cigs. "Uh hi, I'm not making a lesbian pass at you. Sorry if you wanted that. Actually here on some other business." she says, as she flops onto the next stool over.

Yukari leans back a bit. She's wondering- very obviously wondering 'what possible business could I have with you?' as the woman continues.

"Are you Hikari's daughter? You sure as hell look like it."

Yukari shrugged. Her mother had had a reputation, she'd been told- warned. She mulled over the bit about other business, and decided she was either speaking to a village nin, or a hooker. Maybe both. Hikari had warned her that the village had always been a bit lax on the moonlighting rule. With a strong air of 'bitch I might be' Yukari replied, "Who's asking?" And was glad she'd ordered something strong.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Shit, I've just gone and touched a live wire, haven't I? Radiated waves of her disdain ravenously kiss my flesh like a hungry lover. Actually, that's an entirely wrong comparison to make--what I feel from her is more like angry licks from a really mangy cat. I can't tell if I like her or hate her, and that confuses me. When I get confused, I get scared, and when I get scared, I get pissed.

"I'm Takaki. Sennin's Hand," I reply, and slap my silly pin down on the counter in front of her. She should know what it is, unless she's been completely wrecked on whiskey for the entirety of her shinobi career. Which, for a redhead, is entirely possible. "So what're you here for? To hustle someone at darts? Drink away your problems? Get laid? Whatever it is, I'll leave you be soon enough, but I need to do a few things for me, before I'm out of your curly, gingery locks."

I signal the barkeep to bring over a flight of double-shots. Six tumblers full to the brim of gutrot alternating with noble-piss. "Of course, I'll compensate you for your time. All I'm asking for is a nice little round of karaoke, followed by some dancing. Again, I'm pretty straight, so don't think I'm going for any funny business. This is a matter of national security. Otherwise I wouldn't flash the stupid pin around."

 

[Yukari]

The woman looked shocked and angry. Not surprising. Most people think they're important and when confronted with disdain or dismissal, they're shook. Yukari raised a brow, amused, that is, before she slapped her silly pin down on the counter. "I'm Takaki. Sennin's hand." she said. Yukari looked at the Pin, and then at Takaki. She looked doubtful, but unless she'd killed the sennin's hand- doubtful- or filched it- also doubtful- Yukari was forced to assume that... yes. She was.

"Lovely. Yes, I am Hikari's daughter. Tanaka Yukari at your service."

"So what're you here for? To hustle someone at darts? Drink away your problems? Get laid? Whatever it is, I'll leave you be soon enough, but I need you to do a few things for me, before I'm out of your curly, gingery locks." She talked fast, like she'd been rehearsing her lines for the last few hours. She seemed nervous.

"Well, yes, actually, though I was thinking cards... but any of the above would be acceptable." Yukari crossed her legs, and leaned toward 'Takaki'. "What do you need, dear Sennin's Hand." The name rang a couple bells. One or two. Maybe Three. But the alcohol and the reckless energy of this place didn't make her want to think very hard.

"Of course," she said as she signaled the bar keep to bring out some shite liquor, "I'll compensate you for your time. All I'm asking for is a nice little round of Karaoke."

"Mmm." Yukari said as Takaki continued.

"Again, I'm pretty straight, so don't think I'm going for any funny business. This is a matter of national security. Otherwise I wouldn't flash the stupid pin around."

Yukari chuckled and took a drink, finishing off her first glass, and starting to feel a nice buzz. "Of course you wouldn't." She smiled indulgently, "National security ehy? Well, I'll bite. How is karaoke and dancing a matter of national security? Who's dancing? The two of us? Is it a duet?"

 

[Takaki Saeko]

"Ah, I don't wanna to ruin our pleasant night with tedious questions, you know?" I reply to her. "That's why some boys never score. They're too focused on numbers, or intricacies of contractual law. Always peppering you with questions, like 'exactly how many kindness tokens do I have to insert in you until sex falls out?' Nah, I just wanna hear your lovely voice, though I also like the idea of a duet. Hmm, let's do that."

I open a nearby karaoke song catalog and flip half-assedly through the pages. "Not sure what you're into, but I like bubbly pop tunes, myself. I think I need to be in the right mood for something deep like soul or gospel, and I need to be more a hell of a lot more drunk to really enjoy metal or prog-rock. So, why don't you pick out something in this section? And hell, even if I've never heard it before, well, you deserve to see if I can adapt to it on the fly."

[Alright, do your worst...pick the J-poppiest, shittiest-straight-outta-anime melodramatic thing you want!]

 

[Yukari]

She avoided the question. "Ah, I don't wanna to ruin our pleasant night with tedious questions, you know?"

Yukari chuckled. "Sure."

"That's why some boys never score. They're too focused on numbers, or intricacies of contractual law. Always peppering you with questions, like 'exactly how many kindness tokens do I have to insert in you until sex falls out?' Nah, I just wanna hear your lovely voice, though I also like the idea of a duet. Hmm, let's do that."

Yukari chuckled and got up, "So I get to hear your lovely voice too, do I?" She teased. "Well alright." She followed Saeko to the karaoke catalog and looked through the songs. Anime trash, and bar hopping songs. All cover recordings. Terrible. Fantastic.

"Not sure what you're into, but I like bubbly pop tunes, myself. I think I need to be in the right mood for something deep like soul or gospel, and I need to be more a hell of a lot more drunk to really enjoy metal or prog-rock. So, why don't you pick out something in this section? And hell, even if I've never heard it before, well, you deserve to see if I can adapt to it on the fly."

"Hmm." Yukari muttered as she fliped through the songs, and a little past what Saeko had picked out. "I think I know something right up your alley, Takaki. Hope you don't mind. You probably haven't heard this." She said with a devilish grin. She flipped to the absolute worst song she could think of, and doing her best impression of a serious kunoichi, she turned on This Beautiful Ballad, and handed Saeko a mic. "You ready?" She asked.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

"To be honest, I'm not sure," I reply to her. "I've survived some pretty horrible shit, but public performance is in a class of its own. Fuck it, let's sing."

Prompted by the startup of his karaoke setup, the barkeep pulls out all the stops. And I mean all of them, starting with the disco ball that bathes us in swirling motes of light when the synth notes kick into gear. Eager to see a pair of pretty girls ritually humiliate themselves/sing a passable duet/twerk on stage, the other patrons stop what they're doing to give us their rapt, unwanted attention.

Jesus Saito, I hate this. But I can do it. Whatever Yukari's chosen at least has a standard four-four rhythm, so there probably won't be any shitty triplets or skip-beats where it's easy to lose everything and spill spaghetti everywhere. I mean, she probably wants to look cute as well, so the song will be easy and full of easy, bubblegum pop tropes like everlasting love and waiting for one's man, and...oh shit. She's fucked me.

~Lifting up the skirt of the niiiight,
Look down, feel 'round,
Do what I do to get by~

These lyrics make no sense, even though they're at least easy to keep up with. Yukari's chosen to go with the song's default pitch, so I have to modulate a few notes lower to harmonize, and...we actually sound passable. I shoot her a vicious glare. I hate you so much!

~Pullin' down the pants of the niiiight,
Look at those tight pants,
Don't laugh, it's not right,
To make fun of the niiiight~

When we break off for the interlude, the crowd starts cheering and pumping their fists. "Get out!" I scream at them, but to no avail. It's hopeless. All I can do is ride the wave of absurdity and kick it up a notch.

As we go into the repeat of the first chorus (actually, this song is just two choruses), Yukari and I are no longer swaying our hips in front of a drunken bar crowd, but rather, strolling arm in arm down the neon-splashed red light district of Pink Avenue deep within the Cronopolis. Around us, the first snow of deepwinter falls and dusts our shoulders with frozen acid rain as we cavort about and post smeared, Lovecraftian daguerreotypes to Instagram using our bricks-for-phones. Above us, the moon snarls down at the world, R Kelly's visage plastered across the Sea of Copernicus like an ayurvedic titan ready to unload a glorious, golden supernova of piss. We each have a different rendezvous awaiting us tonight, and as we part ways I blow a halitosis-infused kiss to her and she reciprocates with the sweetest, most feminine belch one could ever hope to hear. It is time.

As the strains of the music come to an end, I breathlessly lock gazes with her and tell her: "I wish I could tell you let's never do this again, but I can't. You've passed the test. Report to the legation in forty-eight hours for your mission assignment. Category S."

 

[Yukari]

"Fuck it, Let's sing." She says, and Yukari grins at the sudden realization on her face as the song begins.

~Lifting up the skirt of the niiiight,
Look down, feel 'round,
Do what I do to get by~

She catches another vicious glare after rather admirably pulling off the male part of the song. Yukari holds her laughter for later as the pub song draws more onlookers. All of them just drunk enough to think the pair sounded good.

~Pullin' down the pants of the niiiight,
Look at those tight pants,
Don't laugh, it's not right,
To make fun of the niiiight~

A trip and a half later, the song's over, and the crowd begins to thin. The pair of women lock eyes, and Takaki tells her the real reason she sat down beside her. "I wish I could tell you let's never do this again, but I can't. You've passed the test. Report to the legation in forty-eight hours for your mission assignment. Category S."

Yukari chuckles, shakes her head and says, "I knew I was the sucker. See you there, ma'am." She laughs a little more, "Free to go for now, or have you changed your mind about being super straight?" Yukari chuckles, and starts walking away.

She finds somebody to cheat at cards, sits down, and starts a game with them.

[tlus]