Keep food legal [Open/Public]

[Oishi Shichimenchou]

It was a Friday when I decided to visit the Kazekage Tower. I was dressed in my best change of clothes: a white sun dress and sandals. On my left pinkie finger I wore my signet ring. I had tied up my hair in a bun. The turkey trio (Gravy, Mashed Potatoes and Cranberry) were accompanying me and were all wearing their best change of outfits. They wore small black suits and top hats.

When we arrived we let out a collective sigh at the sight of the tower. Maybe we were being idiots for thinking we could fight town hall and win. We were a bunch of nobodies who didn't even have enough money to buy a bus ticket. What chance had we to convince the village leaders of our cause?

Oh wait - apologies. I should go back a few steps I think. Hello! The name is Oishi Tsuchimenchou. My family name means delicious and, as far back as we can remember, we've been named after food as bad puns. Grandma says it started with great great great great GREAT uncle Yogi. He allegedly named one of his children Ringo. I myself am Tsuchimenchou (turkey), fourth of that name. I'm a student in the shinobi academy. My true passion is in the culinary arts though. My dream is to make food for the world's leaders and get an 'Oishi!' out of them. That by the way is why I am here now.

I wanted to open up my own taco truck and had come to get the necessary paperwork filled out. I was not sure where I had to go exactly though.

"Ahhh..." I looked down at the turkey trio, "I do not suppose any of you three know where I need to go? I assumed there would be like a Ministry of Food sign somewhere but..."

 

[Takahashi Aki]

Sousuke sat outside of the tower wearing chain mail leggings and a mesh shirt. Both were pitch black in colour with white lightning bolts being a design of the chest. He sat cross legged with his eyes closed. He was going to do this thing called 'meditating'. Katuso had told him about it from time to time. Apparently it allowed one to heal faster and allowed them to remove unnecessary metaphorical weight, which Sousuke had in droves. The purple haired man sat cross legged with his palms opened. From time to time his index and middle fingers would touch his thumb. Sousuke would take deep breaths which seemed oddly quite fulfilling. Was this thing working? This thing one called meditation? Sousuke was not sure. The Steward could not feel any sort of healing going on. If he re-grew his arms or legs, he would be very surprised. That would be perhaps the best thing ever truly. Sousuke hated mysticism and every aspect of it. Sungakure was home to a surprising number of people who drew their power sets from the mystical forces. The term mysticism was a board term for what Mikaboshi would call 'sorcery', there was also 'devil magick' as per Kuro, and then there was Necromancy as shown by Shiori and Kazuki. It was a very frustrating thing really.

There was an odd noise which caused Sousuke's left eye to open up. Was that a cluck? No. It was something ... no. No it couldn't be. No wait. It was poultry. Sousuke's eye would close once more. He exhaled again. His metallic arm slightly twitched. His shoulders would slouch. Katsuo never told him about meditation and multitasking. "Shichimenchou of the House Oishi."<i></i> A slight metallic resonance could be heard in his voice as he called out to the child. This was the one that supposed his mother was a 'free-loving' woman and made a claim that he was involved with the spawning of this child. No one took is seriously considering Sousuke's relationships with women were very well known. So long as the mother didn't appear this would be fine right? Sousuke would have been under aged in order for this child to be considered his proper spawn. That in itself was a troubling notion. "There is no ministry of food. There is a commission on restaurant and food standards but not a ministry. I suppose in a way, you're looking at the commissioner."<i></i>

 

[Oishi Shichimenchou]

I scratched my head as I heard the person state my name. Did I know them? Their face was familiar, but I could not quite place them. I had that feeling you get when you see someone you vaguely know from taking the same commute, but do not really know.

"House Oishi? Nah. I do not think we were ever even a House Minor. The Harkonnen promised to nominate us once, but you know they cannot be trusted."

I gave a curtsy, "Me? I am a simple fremen. FrePERSON really."

I glared at the turkeys who refused to gave any sign of deference. Stubborn birds.

"By Mother Suna I petition you Commissioner.. You look like a Higashi. Maybe a Li. I am sorry. What is your name Commissioner? Also what are your preferred pronouns, if any?"

 

[Takahashi Aki]

"A Household name is a Household name."<i></i> Sousuke spoke as he closed his eyes and tried to meditate. Again. Deep breath. Focus on what was it exactly? The name Harkonnen gave Sousuke pause. His meditation was broken now as both of his eyes opened. Was this what it was like to be triggered? Sousuke assumed that the child was playing a game with him. Harkonnen was the name of a household from a story series, and an entertaining one at that. Sure. Why not play along. Children like to do these make believe things as it were? "No. Never trust a Harkonnen."<i></i> Sousuke would indeed agree.

Shichimenchou would then give a curtsey, which was a formality. Sousuke would have bowed himself, but he was sitting. He returned the gesture with a bow of the head. "I doubt that. The simple part really."<i></i> What a wonderful imagination this child had referred to another literary peoples. Curiously the child would use a more gender neutral term being Freperson instead of Fremen which is what the narrative would have both genders referred to. Next? Next the child would give a harsh look to the clothed turkeys. It was ... odd, Sousuke honestly did not expect much out of the foul which would more than likely find themselves on a holiday table with several spices stuffed into several holes. Delightfully the child went on, and called upon the name of the goddess herself. Something that Sousuke was fine with. He didn't know the darker nature that Mother Suna was infact a fraud, something that Sousuke kept to himself. "Takahashi Sousuke the third. You could refer to me as Sousuke or Lord Steward I suppose."<i></i> Sousuke decided to stop with the meditating. "So. What are you petitioning me for exactly?"<i></i>

 

[Oishi Shichimenchou]

"Lord? If it's the same to you I would prefer Sousuke. Mother says that there is only one lord, Emperor Cleon the First. Between us I think the worm guy could beat Cleon but she is my mother. On an aside, why do emperors all seem to be able to tell the future?" I said.

I scratched my head. Technically Cleon never could tell the future himself, but he had a minister who could. All the same, why the fascination with the future? The here and now seemed to be just fine. I would not mind better roads, but things were fine for now.

"Ah yes. I want to open up a restaurant. A taco truck to be exact. A taco, as you may know, is meat wrapped by a thin layer of carbs. It is delicious. Oishi even."

I wiggled my eye brows. Get it? Oishi? Delicious? Eh eh? Look, in my defense I am like ten years old. I am really into bad puns right now. All ten year olds are. By the time I become eleven I will move on to older people jokes. Like knock knock jokes. I may even do riddles by the time I graduate.

While I spoke the turkeys gobbled and chased each other in endless circles.

 

[Takahashi Aki]

"Sousuke is perfectly fine." Again the child spoke of fictional characters and one of them now being a worm guy? Sousuke wasn't exactly sure where this was going to go, "Sandworms usually do beat most things. They're smarter than we think they are, and they are very much of an asset."<i></i> Then Shichimenchou would inquire him about why Emperors seemed to be able to tell the future. Sousuke's eyes would look into the bright blue sky for a moment as he considered the question. "Perhaps they're relying on the aspect of eternal return, a cycle of events, some people are of the mind that we have inherited memories from people who died long ago. Everything we do, it will happen again."<i></i> Sousuke answered the youth as he leaned forward and then rolled back to get himself on his feet. The sounds of clicking could be heard from Sousuke's legs which were metallic. Sousuke stood up to his full height. He was certainly not a tall person by any stretch of the imagination.

So, what was it that the commissioner of food was going to be asked? Sousuke's eyebrow would be raised as the child inquired about opening a restaurant. No it was going to be a food truck? "I have no idea what a taco is, what you speak of sounds monstrous."<i></i> Sousuke spoke, "Isn't that what a sandwich is?"<i></i> He would follow up. He wasn't sure what this taco thing was, but he knew what meat was, and what carbs were. Sousuke seemed to look back at the child with a confused look as he was wiggling the eyebrows. "What is the point of this exercise?"<i></i> He inquired next. Why was he doing this? Was it for comedic value? "A food truck and a restaurant have different rules and guidelines to follow. You know of this?"<i></i>

As the turkeys gobbled and chased each other, the sounds of barking would erupt as Kitchy, Sousuke's husky would be seen running across the yard. The sound of the gobbling and the flapping was perhaps was triggered her. The canine was running at full speed and barking quite loudly. She would then join in on the circle chase.

 

[Oishi Shichimenchou]

I was confused when Sousuke spoke of sandworms. I always thought those beasts were the product of a gardening experiment gone wrong. i had never considered them smart by any stretch. I thought turkeys were the animals associated with intelligence? Oh wait. He was probably talking about some sports team called the 'Sandworms'. Probably, I did not follow sports enough to know for sure. I would politely nod along for now.

I took a step back as he stood up. He was tall! Then again, I was super short (around four feet), so everyone was tall for me.

"Ughhh...." I shook my head sideways as he asked whether a taco was just a sandwich, "I hear that there was recently a great synod held where all the world chefs debated whether a taco was just a sub-class of sandwiches. The sandwich purist faction argued that tacos are not sandwiches since the carb component in a taco is a single piece. A sandwich must be two distinct pieces of carbs! So ugh. No, tacos are not a sandwich. Well, maybe they are but only if you also think a poptart can be a sandwich."

I shook my head again, "No I did not know there were different rules for food trucks and restaurants. Is this because food trucks advertise using tweets?"

After saying this I let out a great whistle and one of the turkeys, Cranberry, stopped running in circles and jumped onto my shoulder. "Cranberry here usually does my tweeting. Well, gobbling."

While this was occurred the other two birds tried to jump into the air in an attempt to fly. Emphasis on attempt - they were far too chubby to take off.

 

[Takahashi Aki]

Sousuke would look skyward for a moment. It was a very clear day. The sky was blue, and that meant ... everything was right in the world? At least for the time being that is. "You could make half of a sandwich, one takes a piece of bread and folds half of it over the other. In this case you defy the concept of a sandwich in the aspect in requires two pieces of bread."<i></i> Sousuke proposed. It was something worth mentioning in this very strange debate that was going down. Sousuke would then consider the notion of a pop tart was a sandwich. This he disagreed with. "A pop tart is of the pastry family, if one is to go by labels."<i></i> He asserted. Labels had power. Labels is what allowed classification to happen. Classification lead to organization. Organization led to people not going insane. It was all connected.

As Shichimenchou considered the rules of food trucks and restaurants being different, the child proposed another question. Rather than consider building rent, instead of renting land space, he brought up the notion of advertising using tweets? Tweet? Like a bird tweet? The child then took it a step further and insisted his pet turkey did tweeting. No. Wrong. Children is so very and terribly wrong. Sousuke's eyes narrowed at the notion of this, but his eyes did not narrow for much longer as the children made a correction. "How is gobbling a method of advertising? I suppose you're advertising a poultry based ... Taico? Taoco? Taco. Taaaaoco. Taco. Yes. Poultry based taco. The healtheir the gobble, then I suppose then people are not questioning what they're eating as there is a very wide debate on artificial goods being as wholesome as the real thing."<i></i>

During the time Kitchy had homed in on one of the turkeys. The husky would launch itself after the bird that was failing at flying. The canine seemed to be quite happy that it was on the hunt, and it was very focused on the singularity of this hunt.

 

[Oishi Shichimenchou]

"But sire..." I raised my hand after the being told that pop tarts were labeled as, and therefore, pastries, "What is a label but the opinion of a man with a printer? I have a printer back home. If I were to print out business cards that said Raikage Oishi Shichimenchou'I would not suddenly become the leader of that shinobi village. I would simply be a child of..."

I counted with my fingers. 8.. 9... It was 3rd of the month... and the wind was blowing at...

"A child of ten. One who had business cards, but still a child!"

I furiously shook my head as the man asked me what the purpose of gobbling was.

"No no. I would never sell bird meat. Turkeys are holy animals!" I stroked Cranberry's feathers as I said this.

"Mother says that you can use turkeys to create an elixir for immortality, but you would be cursed to eternal pain for such an act. Plus, tacos are made using cow tongues. Everyone knows that."

While being chased Mashed Potatoes tripped on a grain of sand and began to tumble as he tried to regain his footing. Gravy used the incident as an opportunity to run away from the mess by beginning to burrow a hole. Birds, especially turkeys, are not well known for their digging ability so I was not sure what was going on in Gravy's mind.

 

[Takahashi Aki]

Shichimenchou had stated that labels were opinions of people with a printer. The statement alone made Sousuke recall that article that was written in Soon's during the exam. Sousuke would make a shrugging gesture of sorts. "A man or woman with a printer who publishes material needs to be a man or woman of integrity. You may publish business cards stating that you are Raikage Oshi Shichimenchou a child of ten, but would people actually believe you? Some might. Some might not."<i></i> Sousuke proposed. He would look to the blue sky once more. "Some people of ill repute published an article stating that I was a tyrant who stole the Diamond Throne."<i></i> He began, "The article was mass produced and distributed. It was quite damaging to my reputation, but some of my good works in the Country has helped to combat it."<i></i> Sousuke had been working very hard to try and improve the image of Sungakure. There were multiple problems within that. The worst of all being the true nature of their patron goddess.

Sousuke had phased out for a moment, but would ultimately snap back as the child began to state adamantly that the turkey was a holy animal. Well, maybe in some outlandish religion. That was not the case in the faith of Mother Suna. There was no sacred animal to her. Sousuke would look at the child with a quizzical look. "Cow Tongues? I guess it is still considered beef."<i></i> He considered it, and after two additional seconds he nodded his head. "That being said I highly doubt you will hear me saying delicious considering I do not think this so called taco thing is using the meat of a cow tongue."<i></i> The mention of immortality was something of an oddity. Sousuke looked at Cranberry. For a moment it seemed like he was considering it. He even went so far as to ring his hands and stroke his chin. A small grin would momentarily appear on his face. "I thought that was for those mythical horse creatures with horns protruding from their head, the immortality elixir thing."<i></i>