Regrets and Apologies [Saemon/Private]

[Onamuji]

The walk to Saemon's residence was surprisingly long. All things considered, it probably wasn't really that far, but the nature of the visit played on the Rikudo Sennin's subconscious. Saemon and Muji were two of a kind, both immensely different but surprisingly similar. It wasn't too far-fetched to believe that they were both guardians - and lovers - of the Princess of the Makeoshimi Empire. Despite their numerous differences, they got along great and respected one another.

The last time they saw one another, Muji had left along with Koho to visit Mist. Muji knew at the time that she intended to go Missing, but feigned ignorance. It was obvious she wanted Saemon to join them, but for obvious reasons, he stayed behind. He was an ANBU, after all. Now, Muji was returning empty-handed, months later. No Koho, no anything. Things went awry in Mist, needless to say. The Rikudo Sennin was thrilled at the prospect of seeing other shinobi villages, but his excitement was quickly shot down. The men who received Koho's group were violent and mindless. It was almost as if nothing escaped their lips but threats and posturing. Koho joined their village under one - very awkward - condition: she marry a man named Yojimbo, former Sennin and current Mizukage. With that one decision, she put Saemon and Muji's lives in danger. Muji was the closest the harm's path, obviously, as he was immediately nothing more than a liability for the Kiri-nin. Understandably, the sage wasted no time in saying his goodbyes and leaving Kirigakure.

He wandered from Water Country to Fire Country, seeing what sights he could and taking in the regions of the world he hadn't seen. After all, it was his ancient forefather who helped create the shinobi world. It only showed respect and reverence to see the rest of it. After a brief pilgrimage, the Sage of Six Paths felt the urge to return home. While going rogue was a possibility, he knew that only in Sunagakure could he fulfill his destiny. Going rogue tempted the notion of becoming a God of Destruction, as the legends of the Sage of Six Paths spoke. Through service to the village, he could bring about positive change and spread that wave of change outward. The amethyst-eyed shinobi hoped his existence would be the droplet that sent ripples throughout the world of shinobi.

First thing was first, however. Saemon had to know what happened from Muji himself...

Knocking on the door, the sage awaited a response, hoping his tattooed friend was home.

[MFT | WC: 421]

 

[Hanone]

Saemon was home more often than not now-a-days. With Koho gone and the ANBU still wanting little to do with him, he found himself either at home or teaching classes. It was a very lame life.. So it was of no surprise really that when a knock came at his door, he was there and able to attend to it. But as always, it wasn't a common occurrence. The hulking man rarely had company outside his few companions, brother and single work friend. He knew Mio was busy and hadn't seen Kitanai in a few days, but since she didn't knock like that, he was left to assume that.. he had no fuckin idea who it was.

Making his way from his small, burnt coffee and cigarette smoke filled kitchen, the jounin padded barefoot over the hardstone floors and crossed to the door. Who he found standing at the other side caused several emotions to flash over him at once. Joy at seeing the slim, pretty man he had the pleasure to call friend. The giddy, boyish excitement that came at assuming with Oni-chama came his long missing princess and beloved. The disgruntled displeasure at seeing the man standing there alone and... no that was it.

He couldn't help but sweep his eyes from side to side, looking for the curvaious shape and vibrant red hair of his lady. She wasn't there. He immediately clicked his emotional state into 'reserved and passive'. He HAD gotten her letter...

A half smile touched Saemon's mouth and the man took a step forward and reached out to clasp his hand on Onamuji's right forearm. It was a tight embrace that said more than his words did. He'd missed the man and was glad to see his boney face back in the homelands. "You've been gone for ages. Come in already." he said, releasing the man's limb and stepping back into his own house, but stopping near the door. It would allow him to enter and for Saemon to close the door after him.

 

[Onamuji]

Onamuji smiled, feeling his first welcome since he returned to the village. Although, this was to be expected. There wouldn't be a parade for Muji, and no family to greet him with open arms. He was alone, aside from the group he had once aligned himself with - of which, only the tattooed man before him remained. A fact that drained the smile from his otherwise pleasant visage.

Stepping into the home, the sage took a deep breath. Many people would be a little put off by the smell of smoke and burnt coffee, but to Muji, it was a stark reminder that he was at Saemon's, and it made him feel somewhat at home. Muji, with his inherent power, was one of the village's strongest entities - his other bodies notwithstanding. There was something to be said that he considered Saemon his equal if not more of a warrior than he. Though their group was shattered, it was a little easing to know that he was more or less reunited with an ally and friend of such magnitude. Normally, he wouldn't give it much thought, but after the events in Mist and being at the mercy of other nations for some time, the idea of being out of harm's way for a moment was a welcome one.

"Ages? Has it?" the auburn-haired Rikudo Sennin asked rhetorically, "I guess I lost track of time. A lot has happened. That's...part of why I wanted to talk to you."

Wasting no time, he moved to the nearest couch and sat down. Taking a deep breath, Muji considered what to say first. At last, he settled on the obvious.

"I'm not sure if she's sent word, but I left Koho in Mist. We...should've never entered that Country. One man let us in, but we were being led into the mouth of the wolf. Koho wanted to stay and obtain power, and their Medical Sennin - whom I hear is now their Mizukage - demanded her hand in marriage in exchange for allowing her to remain in Mist. She accepted, and I was no longer a guest, but a liability," he recounted as his amethyst eyes wandered in thought.

Shaking his head, he sighed and went on to explain, "The Sennin and his cohort - the man who brought us into the village - made countless threats. It was one giant...what do they call it? A 'pissing contest'? It was one of those. I tried to be diplomatic and reasonable, and no matter how harmless I acted, they only threatened more. It was clear that I wouldn't be allowed to exist in Kirigakure, so I left. Koho...understood. After that, I can't say I know her status."

Looking away somewhat unsure of himself, the sage admitted, "I thought you should know. You were...closer to her than I was. She chose her path, and I have no right to deny her that. It was my job to protect her, but there is no protecting someone from their own desires. We both know this as well as she did..."

Though it was hard to read the Rikudo Sennin's otherworldly eyes, it was clear that he was full of regret. This was, more or less, an apology.

 

[Hanone]

The tall man wasn't surprised to find Oni-chama make his way into his house and onto his couch without so much as a moment's hesitation. His body language was a mix of relaxed contentment and something else... The latter began to increase visually as he sighed and readied himself to explain something to Sae. He was pretty sure he knew what was coming...

Saemon withdrew a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, sucking in a deep, lungful of the poisonous smoke as Onamuji brought her up. His happiness dulled back to an ache, one he had been feeling since she'd sent him the letter. He'd even have been tempted to take it out and show Muji if he hadn't already torn it to pieces. However the letter paled compares to the man's words. Koho didn't just get pressured, she readily accepted in an exchange. His original betrayed feeling, the one he'd managed to stifle since the letter came back to the surface at full force. It stung at his heart like a dozen hornet stings and burned like fire throughout his limbs.

Outwardly, he looked passive. Muji would know the level of his anger, which was why, no doubt, he'd gotten straight to the point. Which left him with the one single point in the matter that he would have to address...

Onamuji had left her there alone. He had left her there and let her go.

Saemon turned his back to the man, letting his hands toy idly with a trinket left on his side table if only to look occupied. He didn't respond to the man quickly. There was a static feeling in the air as he contemplated. What he decided here would either be his forgiveness of the man or the severing of their bonds and friendship. He could go either way.

His eyes were fogged over, looking at nothing before him, only seeing into his mind. Beautiful, reckless, stupid Koho. She couldn't wait for him, perhaps it was her plan all along. She valued furthering her ambitions above everything else. She'd abandoned him here, he who was too tied to the village to leave so swiftly. Then she allowed herself in a position that would break her away from Onamuji's protective side. The man blamed himself too, but Saemon could only assume it was more likely Koho's fault.

He was hurting, but the wound wasn't new. He had raged the first time, broken half his house and drank himself to oblivion for several nights. Once he was settled, hearing it again upset him and opened his wounds, but he was in control. Her letter had saved his friendship with Onamuji, if nothing else.

Finally pivoting back to face the seated man, Saemon rubbed one hand against his scruffy beard and said, "I already knew." but it wasn't the part he needed to get to. Saemon stepped forward and reached out, clasping his hand on Onamuji's smaller shoulder. "Brother, she lives her own life her way. It's her own damned fault and mine. You were in the right." his fingers gripped the man's flesh for a moment then released, accepting the man's sort of apology and setting any discourse between them to rest.

He stood back to his full height, his hand falling to his side and looked toward his kitchen. "She had sent me a letter a few weeks ago, maybe a few months ago now. She told me she was being forced to marry. I'd show you but I don't have it anymore." he pulled the cigarette to his mouth and had another drag, one he held for a few seconds before releasing in a large swirling heap. But the question was... now what? Did they leave her there? Should Saemon finally make it out to Mist and find her? What could he do even if he did find her there? She was already probably married to the man and was his wife. He couldn't look at Onamuji's face.

 

[Onamuji]

A long wisp of breath escaped Muji's lips, relieved that Sae was so composed. He didn't really seem like an explosive man, but there always hints that there was something within him that could erupt if given the right motivation. In truth, he wondered if Sae would blame him for abandoning Koho, partly blaming himself for it, as well. It seemed like Sae read it the same way Muji did, however...there was nothing to be done. They were deep in the middle of a fortified, violent nation and two of their chiefs had their arms wrapped firmly around Koho. Muji could say 'no' all he wanted, but Koho was the one who said 'yes'. At that point, she was a part of the Mist. Muji, the lone sage, was isolated, surrounded, and had a target painted on his back in the middle of a foreign village. His options were to either wait for the Mist-nin to come for him and fight the entire village, or to leave peacefully and spare them all the trouble. He, logically, opted for the latter. His death would be nothing more than a trophy kill for the Mist-nin.

Exhausted, the auburn-haired Rikudo Sennin ran a hand through his long mane and took a deep breath at last.

"Forced? I wouldn't say forced. She was cornered, yes, but she was given a choice," he admitted.

"For a brief moment, I considered trying to talk you into mounting a rescue mission. But then, it wouldn't be a rescue mission, would it? She's not a captured Suna-nin in a dungeon, she's a turncoat who chose to accept the chains they gave her. The Council wouldn't allow it, and it wouldn't serve much purpose to rescue a princess who doesn't want to be rescued," he explained, giving a tired scoff, "Technically, we'd be the kidnappers. Because...she wasn't forced."

Offering a shrug, Muji admitted, "As loathe as I am to admit it, we can't do anything about it. Not anything rational, at least."

A sympathetic look washed over the man's face as his amethyst eyes looked up once more toward Sae. He, himself, wasn't known to be one to attach himself to others for long. Most loves he had experienced were short-lived and shallow, not the storybook kind. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose something like it. Sae and Koho didn't have a sort of love you'd find in a storybook, but there were enough similarities and the connection was real.

"I'm sorry," Muji offered. Their contracts with the Makeoshimi were void now, not that they were really that important - or that they'd ever been a factor in either men taking on the job of protecting Koho. They had taken on the job to protect her of their own desire. Now that she had chosen the protection of others, however...neither duty nor desire had any place in the matter.

 

[Hanone]

Even though he'd felt the pain of her betrayal a few weeks earlier and swore he could handle hearing it all again, his heart ached and bled. She hadn't been forced. She wanted it. Hadn't he really already known? Of course since he knew Koho's mind...

Dark feelings within him; the desire to crush the bodies and souls of her new husband. His mind would not let him be. He had been...surprisingly alright with her casual encounters with Onamuji. He had even seen them on more than one occasion entangled in passion when they were supposed to be changing shifts in guard duty and hadn't minded because he had loved the man and loved Koho and she didn't love Onamuji, just Saemon. Her affection made the act alright since it was the real her that he owned. But this was not the same thing.

This other man would be with her, touch every inch of her body and know her as only so few had. But it was the ring on her finger... that she would bear his name and his children. The image of a shadowy figure with arms around her swelled, rounded middle. His larger left hand with a gold band hugging to his ring finger encompassed a smaller, ringed hand. Unconsciously he reached into his pocket where he held an object he'd bought for his lover... a ring he'd wanted to give her if she ever returned to his side. He would have given her the world, yet he'd drawn the short straw.

What could he have offered her though, really offered her? He was the son of a traitor. Saemon was a jounin for the desert village and part of the ANBU and he wasn't even very welcome on that team. His tactics had lost his credibility... he hadn't even been able to leave with her or for the months following her. Trapped and imprisoned within his own mocked-responsibilities.

He couldn't breathe. He didn't hear Onamuji's other words or the apology. Hands curled into fists and a dark chakra began to flood out over his body, curling around his huge frame like a creeping shadow. It hugged along every shape and limb then reached out with grabbing, claw-like hands. The feeling was like rot. Onamuji could see chakra, even when it was invisible to the naked eye, but one wouldn't need his eyes to see the vision before the slighter man. Saemon had the black visage of one who had lost his soul, one who was overtaken by shinigami.

Then at once the chakra receded, slithering back under his skin and leaving him almost naked. He had, had to reel it in, force himself back on now, where he was. She was gone from him now, but he was forced to hope it would not be forever.

When Saemon spoke again, his voice was gruff and harsh, "Fuck it, Muji." he lifted his closed hand and opened it, exposing the tiny, ruby ring to his dull, deadened eyes. It was pristine, beautiful. It was fit for a queen. "I should have just left everything and come with you both." Though it was gone now, nothing could be changed, he would regret it forever. The need to change the subject came over him, a strong desire to push the issue back into the recesses of his mind. He would end up killing and releasing his bloodlust in due time, but not now.

The hulking man slipped the ring back into his pocket and turned his head to look at Muji's sharply, beautiful face (no other explanation really fit) "So what are you going to do now? You've returned. Back to normalcy with you?"

 

[Onamuji]

It was disappointing. Sae's own measure of feelings toward the matter far exceeded Muji's. To Muji, it was the loss of a companion and a failure at a duty he was tasked. He had a habit of getting attached, but not too attached. Koho was close to him, but the Rikudo Sennin always had an emotional wall as a safeguard. It was part of what made him so eerily calm all the time.

Sae on the other hand? No, he was in deep with Koho. They had a longer history, and a closer relationship. Their companionship was on a level far beyond what she and Muji had. It was only natural that the tattooed man felt it so harshly. This, Muji realized, was what made him so uncertain and nervous about breaking the news. The matter was concluded, and there was no changing it, but the reaction was what he wasn't looking forward to. Surprisingly enough, aside from a visible burst of chakra, it wasn't as bad as he thought...

His Rinnegan eyes saw the rage, in chakra form. To someone like Muji, it was impressive in a way. Saemon was no common shinobi. He was powerful. To see that power manifested in a visible form for a brief moment...was envigorating. The auburn-haired sage forgot about the source of the rage for a moment in that spectacle, but Saemon was able to curb his emotions and rein it in. In the ensuing moment of silence, Muji could only sigh.

When Sae spoke of his regret at not joining them, Muji stood and faced the gruff man.

"I'm glad you didn't," the amethyst-eyed man spoke plainly, "There's a lot going on in the world, and a lot we have the power to accomplish. Going to Mist with us would've been an even bigger waste of that power."

Throwing out a tired shrug, Muji went on to say, "They viewed me, alone, as a threat. They spewed insults and relished in being vocal about their enjoyment of the idea of killing me. Imagine how these weak-minded barbarians would act with the two of us in their grasp. I was able to slip out alone. If you were with us, we both might've been lost."

At the thought, the Rikudo Sennin gave a chuckle.

"They say people of my kind are one-man armies, but...that's not quite the case. I have faith in your abilities, and confidence in my own, but I don't imagine that - with the new Mizukage and his ally at our throats - we would've fared well against all of Kirigakure," he noted with a grin before raising an eyebrow and adding playfully, "We'd take a hefty toll, naturally, but it wouldn't have ended well for us."

The strange man took a few steps toward Saemon, clapping his hand lightly on the bulkier man's shoulder.

"We just have to carry on. Occupy ourselves with other works, and hope that Koho returns. It's a slight chance, but...still...it's a chance," Muji suggested.

Giving a shrug, the sage admitted, "Less normalcy, more responsibility...as strange as that sounds, coming from me. I wanted to see the world, and I saw it. Not all of it, but the surrounding areas and our neighboring villages. I was looking for a way to find my intended path, and I realized that it wasn't out there, it was here. By strengthening Sunagakure and staying true to the village, I can change the world for the better."

It looked as if he had more to say, but gave a defeated shrug and nodded. That was about the gist of it.

[MFT | WC: 590]

 

[Hanone]

Saemon realized he wouldn't have the effort for the rest of the conversation with Onamuji. His heart hurt to bursting and the man could not bear to show it before him. Muji's hand clasped his shoulder and gripped down tightly, making the bond and contact that passed brotherly affection.

But maybe it was best if he let her go... His mind's eye saw Kitanai then, beautiful and in love with him. She was everything he desired in a woman, even if she was no Koho. Maybe it was time to let her go.

He was glad for the change in subject, but it was not enough. He wanted to be alone. His eyes said it as he looked up at the man, ones that spoke leagues of his pain and anguish, the eyes he never wanted to show anyone else. "It's good you came, Muji." it was a dismissal, the end of the conversation. Saemon needed to lick his wounds and sour in his own emotions. His own hand came up and gripped Muji's shoulder once again as well. I'll find you again soon, brother. He then dropped the hand and moved to over to the doorhandle, where he opened the solid wood and let the false light of outside pour in. He would find him later for sure.

----------ooc: I'm having this carry on a few weeks later in another thread since Koho did come back and I don't want to say anything that would contradict what was said since her return now. XP All a mess.------
[topic left unless stopped]


New Thread!

 

[Onamuji]

Muji gave a faint smile and nodded. It didn't look like it, from outward appearances, but Sae would be fine. Everything would work out, and not in a childish blind devotion way, but in a way that would force him to work it out. The adult way. It was a pipe dream to expect Koho to show up at their doorstep, but still...killing hope didn't do anyone any good.

The sage moved toward the door himself, ready to make his exit. They were both men who weren't very much for idle chit-chat. They conversed, obviously, but neither were known to force weightless conversation. Enough had been said today.

"I'll see you then," the sage replied, making his way out of the room and toward his own home. There would be a time for more discussion. Now, they needed their time apart.

[Topic Left]
[OOC: Fun!]