Ah the suddenly wanting to help others thing again. Osu continued smiling but knew just how many people dropped the program partly through. Still everyone who wanted to give it a shot would be given one.
“Already knew most of it did you now? Looking for something more challenging? Well I will say this. Joining the medical branch is very easy. It takes the average shinobi about ten minutes to do the paperwork, and while different people advance at different speeds, most MiT become Mednin eventually so long as they study daily and take their lessons seriously… But many people confuse particular aspects of Mednin life. When they hear someone is a medical shinobi, they just expect a person who can magic away any illness. What most people fail to realize is that being a medical shinobi requires constant study to stay up to date on medical research, a gut that can keep together in the face of handling the most vile substances and smells a body can produce, the patience to wait for results knowing there are many things where time is the better or only solution, and accepting death as a normal, everyday occurrence.
Follow along, I need to keep moving.
Rather an average number of 3.97 villagers die everyday. The main killers aren’t in fact battle wounds or things related to field work, as we not only treat the 17,000 odd shinobi, but the entire village population of 118,000 including civilians. No the main killers are poor health habits such as smoking and poor diet, idiocy, suicide, and just plain bad luck. Yes medical jutsu can do some impressive things, but at the end of the day all it does is speed up what the body normally does on its own, though very sloppy in comparison. It is excellent for in the field, the death rates would be drastically higher, but have you ever seen what happens when you use a regular healing jutsu on cancer? The answer should be you better not have or someone is about to lose their license… I will explain later, just for now know you are not yet qualified to take a person’s blood pressure much less actually heal them.”
Osu lead Kazu into a room with a television and one of those fancy new vcr things. Osu was always hearing people say they would never catch on, but found it a lot more manageable than film reels.
“I am just going to pop in a little video for a moment for you to watch while I go take care of something really quick. After this we will go around the hospital for a bit to show you around before sorting you out with some paperwork and assignments.”
That said, Osu pressed play on the vcr and stepped out of the room.
The video starts with the typical credits in military videos such as being produced by the village for shinobi use etc etc. Soon a young purple haired woman walks onto the screen.
“Is the camera running Kiri? You think so? Alright.
Welcome medical students to the first lecture in a video series on basic knowledge for medical staff present and future. My name is Osuteno and I will be your instructor.
Many of you watching this video may be asking yourself why you have to sit through a set of video classes whether you want to or not. The answer is simple, some people were extremely destructive with their ignorance and/or stupidity and now everyone must pay for their mistakes. No I am not talking about you Kiri… this time.”
The camera angle shifts and Osu turns to reveal a projector screen behind him.
“First we will discuss medical chakra and how do it do… wait Kiri did you mess with my cue cards? You didn’t? Are all of them like that? They are? Forget it, put them down, I will just lecture without them.
Moving on, medical chakra is a very odd form of chakra nature that doesn’t quite fit in with the regular spectrum. As such it is a bit more difficult to master requiring either a natural affinity or dedicated study.
I once described to a student that to channel medical chakra it is very similar to channeling base, or non-elemental chakra but with more intent of life.”
Osu held out a hand and began channeling chakra until a ‘pure’ chakra appeared in his hand. "You should be starting from here. Simply start with focusing on channeling pure chakra. Nothing else. Then focus on the simple act of living. Breathing in air, letting oxygen spread to your body, fueling your life, eating, digestion, nutrient gathering, hydrating, sleeping, breathing out. Things necessary for the body to repair itself. Simplify that thought to a feeling called life, and focus on that feeling while channeling."
As Osu finished explaining the chakra in his hand had taken on a warm green color.
“Do notice that in my description I mentioned things necessary for the body to repair itself. That brings us to the next point. Jutsu doesn’t create miracles. Despite how magical the repairs might seem, there is a cost to using them aside from the expenditure of chakra.”
The projection behind Osu began showing a chromosome and then zoomed in to the part at the bottom which was highlighted.
“This is a telomere. It protects the chromosomes from damage and from fusing with other chromosomes. Now there is also something called the hayflick limit, which is how many times a cell population will divide before cell division stops. In other words, each time cells divide, the telomeres become shorter. This is why the body ages and how it repairs damage. What does this have to do with healing jutsu? It isn’t just medical chakra, any irregular method to repair damage to the body is merely forcing the cells to replicate at an unnatural pace, and thus the telomeres are shortened, also at an unnatural pace. Even the most effective healing methods shorten the telomeres many times less efficiently than the body would naturally for the amount of damage repaired. This doesn’t mean much in the short term but over the course of one’s life, constant inefficient repair will shorten the subject’s lifespan and can even lead to some mutations and complications.
Some have asked why don’t we simply make it to where the telomeres don’t shorten and can replicate forever. Well that actually does exist.”
A pointer appears in Osu’s hand and he begins smacking the projected images loudly at the end of each of his following sentences almost in spite of the kind smile on his face. “That is called cancer. Infinite replication is cancer. Don’t reinvent cancer.”
Osu put the pointer down and looked back towards the camera. “Which brings me to the next bit of helpful knowledge. Don’t use healing jutsu on cancer. Please avoid use of healing jutsu on those with cancer. That speeds up the cancer. Of particular note it is hypothesized that the Chigokai and Kaguya bloodlines might exist as mutations to particular sorts of hereditary bone marrow cancers that cause endless production of blood or bone respectively, so extra care should be given if those of these bloodlines are in need of skeletal repair and if they suddenly become ill from unnamed diseases it is likely that their bloodline control isn’t strong enough to keep their hereditary cancerous bone marrows in check.
All of these are the reasons why we take the scientific approach to medicine very seriously in Kumogakure’s medical branch. That isn’t to say that medical jutsu doesn’t have an important role in our work. It is excellent in the field for when the completion of a mission can’t wait on the natural repair or the body or when someone’s life is in immediate danger and more technical approaches won’t do. But if someone breaks their arm training, it is best to put set everything back to how it is supposed to be positioned and slap a cast on it to let the body heal naturally.
In our next short video lesson we will cover more on where and why it isn’t suggested to use medical jutsu and other basic knowledge topics. Goodbye!”
The video clicked off after a moment and the vcr began rewinding the tape, a feature Osu had to jury rig after rather grumpily discovering it was not something that had already been made.
Soon after the video finished rewinding Osu returned with a stack of clipboards in arm and gestured for Kazu to follow along again.
One thing they never quite prepare you for as a hospital division medic is while the average daily pay is better, you almost never get a break or time off. I haven’t had a vacation in… three years? Oh I miss heading over to Moon Country and enjoying the beach and fishing.
Follow along here and keep close, this is a busy hallway and you need to not get in anyone’s way.”
As Osu said this though, people were purposely going around Osu with small bows and nods here and there but no one stopping to say hi. They were all far too busy for such formalities. Approaching the ER desk Osu spoke rather directly to the nurse behind the counter who was busy tearing into a pair of MiT over what sounded like them trying to place an IV without supervision.
“Just throw them straight to two months of double shift bedpan duty. I have a new interest here, what do we have back in an observation room for a sense test?”
The two MiT in question looked horrified at the judgement suddenly laid upon them while the nurse seemed to quickly forget them and flip through some charts. “There is a good one in Observation G, here take a look.”
Osu glanced over the chart and flipped a couple pages before nodding. “This will do. Come along now, they didn’t start that long ago so we can still have you there for the main event.”
Back several long hallways and turns, Osu lead Kazu into a doom with several chairs facing a window. “Just sit quietly and observe the operation for a while, pay attention to every detail you can.”
On the other side of the Glass was a surgeon, an assistant, and an unconscious fellow on a table. The man was completely covered in fist sized boils rising out of his skin. The surgeon was using a lancer and cutting openings into these boils, and draining pus, maggots, a bit of blood, and wads of gooey, tiny bubbles from the wounds.
“Those tiny bubbles are Bog Lurk eggs. Hundreds of maggots are growing in each of those boils that will mature into a creature that is reminiscent of a starfish but with the fleshy and sectioned texture of worms. The are a kind of monstrous lamprey that latch onto their victims for food and once they have had their fill, the females will lay those eggs under the flesh and the males will fertilize them, both releasing the predigested food right back in to provide the growing young with sustenance. If you pay close attention you will see that about a second or two after each lancing, that pair both recoil back noticeably. That is because the excreta tends to ferment quickly and the smell is rather horrid, like if someone tried to make wine from dumpster water. Ah dear, that looks like a nearly mature one.”
Sure enough, the next boil that was lanced had a much larger maggot inside eating the other eggs, with two long fleshy growths and one short one sticking from its sides. The thing was covered in pus and blood and tried to latch its appendages around the surgeon’s lancet but was flung to the other side of the room and skewered with a scalpel thrown by the surgery assistant.
“I keep telling them not to do that, dulled scalpels are useless scalpels… but this is the sort of thing we do here on occasion. No these little parasites aren’t a daily or even a monthly thing, but many other similarly unsettling things fill in the gaps. We don’t do glamourous work here in the medical branch, the Main Branchers may brag about going on the most exciting adventures, and those ANBU Branch fellows may get to feel the pride of protecting the village itself, but we in the Med Branch often stand a few steps behind them, making sure that while those jobs are being completed, that as many as possible come home in one piece. The fellow there on the table is a chuunin of the Main Branch, successfully defended a town by defeating a number of bandits hiding in the swamp. But when he came down with an illness while scouting the swamp for those bandits it was a Mednin who kept him in good health, and when he became infected with these creatures it was that Mednin who identified the symptoms and kept his condition stable while carrying the man on his back and running to Kumogakure. It is also that same Mednin who is currently acting as an assistant to the surgeon despite being told he needs to rest. Field Mednin are knowledgeable in field solutions you see, which means their jobs are to keep shinobi alive and bring them back home for a Hospital Mednin to actually fix the root of an issue oftentimes. Field Mednin are also the ones that Medical Jutsu are truly for since despite the shortcomings of jutsu healing, a living patient with future complications is better than a dead one… So I will just have you watch the remaining… thirty odd landings left to do while I go do some paperwork for a few minutes before coming back to pick it up for the next leg of our little tour… Bonus points if you are willing to attempt sitting in the corner of the room with the smell and the sounds of squirming maggots feasting upon flesh and each other. It is hard for a first or even fortieth timer though, and if you start to feel like you are going to be ill I will ask that you do so outside of the operating room.” Osu has a small smirk but he wasn’t joking, rather, he was reminiscing about all the times early on where he had to sit through “sense tests” and how he struggled through a number of them. It was an important tolerance to build though. It might have also been what started the intense gross food eating contests among the senior staff at Branch parties.
