The Unexpected "Expedition" (Open)

[Uragaeshi Riyoji]

"Wake up!" Randori hears as he is woken up by one of his fellow classmates in the academy's dorms. Randori looks to his right to see his classmate before he springs into an upright position. He rubs his face and looks around the bright room around him. 'I slept in again..' he thinks to himself before getting out of his bed. He changes and walks out of the room, ignoring his classmate who was doing their own thing in the room. He continues through the academy until he finally reaches the outside of it. He takes a deep breath in and says to himself, "I'll go for a walk to wake up." he then continues into the village. He can smell the food coming from various shops as he walks through the markets and gets lost in thought as he continues through the village.

He is now walking aimlessly through the village thinking about different things that came to mind until the sound of a branch snapping under his foot brought him to his senses. Randori looked ahead of him only to see the Ancient forest in front of him, he smiles to himself as he thinks this could be a fun place to explore and to get away from other people. Suddenly feeling the wind against his face as his legs carry him through this forest, not even thinking about how dangerous it can be or about where he'll go. He continued running until he came across a large rock in an opening in the forest. He suddenly felt tired again as the sun on this rock made it look very warm and welcoming, so he climbed on top of the rock, found the flattest spot he could, and went back to sleep.

Randori fell into a deep sleep and was there for about an hour until he woke up to something walking around in the forest. He immediately jumped to his feet and looked around until he could see the gleam of an animals eyes staring at him. He examined the animal until it slowly stepped out into the open to reveal that it was a wolf. The wolf began running at Randori, but was far enough away to allow him to turn and start running back through the forest. After running for a while, the wolf began to catch up since their began to be less trees to have to move around. Randori kept running until their was suddenly a lack of ground under him to run on, he fell into a river and was swept downstream and away from the wolf. He managed to pull himself onto land and found a climbable tree nearby to escape from the wolf in case it decided to track him down.
(MFT)

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Let me tell you something about improving craft. It’s like doing cardio at the gym, in that it fucking sucks. It takes way too much time, it’s boring no matter what’s on TV, and at the end of it all you’re sweaty, out of breath, and feel like shit. But you’ve got to do it. You’ve got to do it over and over again, no matter how much of a pain in the ass it is to put pen to paper and make some content flow. Because when you have the freedom to create literally any goddamned thing in the universe and have people believe your bullshit it’s a better feeling than sex.

Of course, I can’t really talk much because I’m escaping doing productive things like improving my craft in order to go and hunt truffles in the Ancient Forest. I’m pretty sure this place has a name but right now I can’t be screwed to remember it. It’s probably something really dumb, like “Aerus Arborio” or “Thumbup Assus” or something. But it has exactly the right conditions for growing those smelly little shrooms that everyone wants grated over their third-rate factory-produced pasta with fourth-rate jar-sauce that no grandmother would serve her family because Mama Mia that shit sucks.

My father was Sennin of the Main Branch and I’m pretty sure he never actually did any real work because he was a fantastic cook. He taught me how to turn semolina, eggs, and water into strands of chewy gold that literally dissolve panties. I learned how to turn tomatoes, onions, oil, and basil into a sauce that would bankrupt men’s hearts as much as it did their bank accounts. So when I grate truffles, I mean serious business. That’s why I carry a Desert Falcon on my hip. You know, that pistol bolter in .50 Elephant Eliminator caliber. No predator’s going to steal my lunch.

I’ve left my truffle pig, Meat Bowl, tied up to a nearby tree because I didn’t actually want him to see me take a piss. I know, I shouldn’t feel embarrassed if an animal sees my vajayjay but pigs are way too intelligent. After I took care of business, I went to the riverbank to freshen up, only to see some kid stuck in a tree.

“What the fuck?” I ask and give him the stinkeye. Was he in that tree so he could peep at me? I’m glad I didn’t have to take a shit, because then I’d have to put a .50-cal in his brainpan and call it a hunting accident.

The sound of a wolf growling nearby brings more sense into things. They usually hunt in packs, so a loner trying to make a kill like this isn’t usual and probably means rabies. I draw my Desert Falcon and pull the trigger. The wolf’s head explodes like a grape and it drops where it stands.

“Okay,” I tell the kid in the tree. “Really what the fuck?”

 

[Uragaeshi Riyoji]

Randori smirks at the woman's question before jumping from the tree, he looks at her pistol for a couple seconds before saying, "Well I decided I'd explore the forest after ending up at the entrance from the village. I fell asleep on some rock when a wolf woke me up and started chasing me. I ran until I fell into that river but managed to pull myself to land over there and climb this tree before the wolf found me. I've been stuck up here for about half an hour but now you're here." He begins staring at the woman's gun again, not trusting that she won't do the same to him that she did to the wolf. He hears a pig nearby and decides that'd be a good excuse to get some distance between the two of them so he walks in the direction of the pig. "So what are you doing out here? I didn't think I was going to see anyone else in the forest honestly."

He continued looking back at the woman to make sure she wasn't going to try and shoot him, and as he got closer to the pig, he just stopped and leaned against a tree he could quickly get behind for cover. Randori was now just staring at the woman, but occasionally would think about other things and forget what he was trying to do. Each time he did this he would have to realize he zoned out and shake his head to get back on track.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

This kid is an asshole. Actually, all of the kids in the village are assholes these days. When I was growing up, if someone higher up on the totem pole told you to jump you asked "how high?" and when she told you to lick her boots you asked "how long?" even though inside you were free to fume and call her a raging shitbag all you wanted. As long as it was inside, you know. But here I am sounding like a grandma with her dugs all dragging on the floor, and I'm not supposed to have that happen until well after I break my hip a few times.

"Hey, get away from Mr. Wiggleston! He's a virgin!" I snap at the kid after he decides to approach my pig. You never know with boys these days. Ever since they raised the age limits for the brothels in the village (I blame YOU, Raikage Hayata Shin!) the young men have been getting weirder and weirder. Half the time I think I'm going to be jumped by a pack of feral preadolescents and the other half of the time the Spymaster's telling me about the latest thing everyone's sticking their peckers into and getting gonorrhea from.

"If you're lost in here then I'll point you the way out but you can't go molesting everything in sight! I bet you tried to stick it in the wolf's cub and that's why you got run up the tree. Look, I'm not judging you if you're a furry but you have to get consent first. Otherwise shit like this happens. Who's your teacher, anyway?"

I holster the bolter and glare at him. Meat Bowl starts to whine, lifts up one of his hindquarters, and lets a stream of piss out on the rocks. Jesus Saitochrist, that's disgusting. I hate pigs.