Training Montage [Saeko]

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo massaged his temples as he read the new script Tama had pulled together. A play about Ninjizasu, who was born in a training academy shed under the full moon. Once Tomo got to the part about three Sennin coming to the child with gifts of Genjutsu, Ninjutsu, and Taijutsu, the Genin firmly smacked his face with his hand. "Dear Raiden, how in the world does she come UP with this stuff?!" Come now, Tomo-boy. I think it would be a thrilling production! "Even more reason to destroy this abomination." Knowing that the play would be an utter failure, considering how exuberant Tama and Haruki were for it, Tomo held the stack of papers over the trash bin on his left. The screenplay burst into tiny pieces and floated into the garbage. "Paperwork sure is easier with Paper jutsu."

As Tomo reached for the next page in his stack of unfinished troupe work, Takama burst into the tent. Without a word, the man grabbed Tomo by the collar and began dragging him out of the tent and through the Mochizuki grounds. "Takama. I can walk on my own, contrary to yours and Tama's belief." The brother continued to pull the Genin. "Not when I know you won't want to go where I'm taking you." Tomo scoffed. "Well, now that I know you're taking me somewhere I don't wish to go, couldn't I just escape now?" The Genin gagged lightly as his brother yanked him off the ground, holding him eye-level. Despite Tomo's mini growth spurt, Takama still towered over him, and was far more muscular. "Try it pipsqueak." Although his words were intimidating, Takama had a playful smirk on his face. The eldest brother always did enjoy a challenge. Tomo pouted. "Ugh. No thanks." Takama seemed a bit disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm his pushover of a brother had, but he took the surrender as a win. Placing the Genin down on his feet, Takama released his grip on Tomo's clothes and motioned for the dual-haired young man to follow. Tomo obeyed.

As they walked to their destination, Tomo questioned his brother. "Soooooo, what is this about exactly?" Takama pondered on whether to answer Tomo, and finally indulged his brother. "The family agreed that you being a geezer Genin is bad for the Mochizuki name. Hence, we set you up with that crazy chick you told us about." Tomo's body flinched. "What?! But you even described her as crazy! Shouldn't that be a hint to NOT have her train me?! And besides, can't everyone just accept the fact that I choose to be a Genin? Considering that even as a Genin I was sent on a mission that almost killed me, I would think you guys wouldn't push me into a more risky rank." A swift punch to Tomo's arm almost knocked him off his feet. "Grah! What was THAT for?!" Takama took his still clenched fist and ground it into Tomo's head. "For being a whiny baby! Boohoo, I almost died. That's exactly WHY you need more training you wuss." Tomo winced as Takama's knuckles dug into his skull. He hated to admit it, but Takama was right. At the very least, Tomo needed to be a bit stronger, not to rise in rank, but to ensure that any mission he was sent on wouldn't result in his death. He had considered taking Saeko's offer anyway, as he had promptly done his research on her upon returning to home. The daughter of late Sennin Takaki...he wondered if she acted the way she did due to Masao's death, or if she was always psycho.

Before long they reached the training grounds, and Takama pointed to the ground. "Sit." Tomo scrunched his nose in protest. "I'm not a dog Takama. And considering I'm going to be the manager of the troupe one day, I would think you'd show me a little more respe..." Takama's face was suddenly inches from Tomo's, cutting off the young man's last word. "Sit." The Genin complied, slumping onto his bottom with his legs crossed. "Good, now stay until your instructor gets here." Takama walked away, but made sure to point at his eyes, then to Tomo. The sound of Haruki's laughter resounded in Tomo's head. Oooohoohoo! Tomo-boy, you are quite the little patsy, aren't you? Tomo wished he could argue, but it would be futile. He was nearing his mid-twenties and still getting bossed around by his family. His only solace was that his younger brothers couldn't order him around...yet.

Once Tomo was officially alone, he shrugged to himself. "Well, I guess I might as well practice while I wait." Tomo pulled out his ink, brush, and scroll. Laying them on the grass before him, the Genin doodled different creatures. He started easy with butterflies and ladybugs. He then drew bigger things. At one point he drew a lizard with wings, but shook his head before pulling the ink out of the scroll, erasing the drawing from existence. "Flying lizards...ridiculous."

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Mochizuki Tomo ain't never gonna win no awards fer bein' the smartest or havin' the most common sense, but dat bwah's got heart. All Cotton Country drawling aside, I'm actually looking forward to this. It's not every day that I get to use and abuse a specimen quite as pretty as Tomo, so I've got to make it count. Despite having to maintain an air of nonchalance about it all, I've spent days ransacking the house for all kinds of fun accessories and props to bring along to this little "training" session he's agreed to. Oh, he's going to learn something, alright.

I was actually bit disappointed that rather than him coming and asking for the Tax Bitch at the legation, he was a sly little bastard and sent his family to go ahead and make the arrangements. I was gonna enjoy smacking him upside the head for calling me a "bitch" and make him atone for it by buying me ice cream and firecrackers. Instead, I'm going to take the party to him. Tomo probably expects me to make him do a hundred pushups and situps while I yell at him and toss wrenches in his direction for screwing up. While that regimen may work for your average shounen battle-manga protagonist, we're actually in the wrong demographic: Ninpocho Chronicles is a grimdark vision of a post-apocalyptic future where culture has regressed to feudalism and every day is a brutal struggle for survival against a cruelly indifferent world. That being said, wet willies are awesome!

I generously lick both my trigger fingers, wave them around in the air to cool, and them jam them in Tomo's ears from behind. That's what you get for drawing dragons! As far as how I've successfully snuck up behind him, the answer is that I'm a highly-ranked ninja and I don't have to explain shit.

"Burn your fat with me!!"​

"Surprise, rebel scum!" I cackle at Tomo, before pushing him to roll around in the dust. "Now, kowtow hard for your new teacher, the Tax Bitch of Koomogakooray."

I point at a stupidly large duffel bag I've left nearby. When I say it's stupidly large, I mean it's actually implausibly huge, as in standing two meters tall and just as thick. How did I lug this all the way here? Again, I'm a ninja and I don't have to explain shit. "Start unpacking the contents. Set up the bloodletting altar at the nearest convergence of the silver and diamond ley lines--NOT the goddamned sapphire and platinum lines--and then place the severed jiangshi heads around the altar in the shape of a pentacle. Do NOT just dangle the heads by their hair queues, it's disrespectful. Also, you DO know that a pentacle has five points, right? Once you're done with that, connect the points of the star using the big jug of red powder that looks suspiciously like dried blood. Then, I'll have you take the obsidian dagger--in the third pocket from the right---and make an offering. Just a cup or two should do."

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

The feeling of cool saliva moistening Tomo's ear canals made him violently convulse before leaping forward. "Gyaaaaaaaaaah!" A push from Saeko caused the young man to tumble face first to the ground, a cloud of dust bursting forth from underneath him. He rolled onto his back and sat up to face his attacker. Tomo wiped the dust from his face as he glared at the woman. "I'm not going to kowtow to someone who-you know what? Whatever. It's not worth the fight." Tomo shifted to his knees and bowed to Saeko. This woman was just as bad...no...possibly worse than Tama. He figured it might be best to just roll with the willies and hope for the best.

Lifting his head to see what Saeko had in store for the old Genin, Tomo's jaw dropped. There was no way that bag was real. She had to have placed a Genjutsu on him, because even the strongest of men would break their backs trying to lift that abomination of a duffle bag. Tomo shivered as he coursed a hint of electricity through his body to dispel whatever mind games she was playing. However, the bag was still there, as was the crazy woman who had miraculously carried it. Tomo's mind reeled as Saeko gave her directions. The Genin was a mathematics man, not some crazed heretic. Tomo breathed in. This is NOT going to end well. Exhaling, Tomo rose from the ground and began to unpack the bag. "What lines is she talking about? What's the point of giving blood anyway? Oh Raiden, are these heads actually alive? I swear one's breathing! Yes, I know what a pentacle looks like. Wait, is there an extra head? So...this jug? OHDEARRAIDENTHAT'SNOTIT! Oh, here we go. I don't even want to KNOW what that white stuff was. Alright, making the line. Uck, it got on my shoe. What about an obsidian dagger? How did you even get one of these? An offering...you mean of my blood?!"

Tomo stared at the dagger in his hand and gulped. The young man walked to the alter he had set up and placed the edge of the blade onto his left hand. He bit his lower lip, preparing himself for the pain to come. His face winced as the dagger dug into his flesh. In a quick motion, he pulled the weapon hard, lengthening the gash upon his palm. He held out his bleeding hand and quickly calculated how much blood was dripping. Once he had bled enough on the altar, Tomo grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket and wrapped it around his hand. Tomo braced himself for whatever horrible thing he most assuredly unleashed.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

I swear to Baby Ninjizasu that there's nothing more blatantly pleasing to a girl than seeing a man kowtow to her. I don't mean simply bowing, I mean that dogeza shit where he's on his knees and presses his forehead to the ground like you'd see in old movies. It's as embarrassing to receive as it is to give, but just like with romance novels, Kool Whip, and Velveeta, that shame of partaking is what makes the experience so damned good.

A large part of me didn't actually expect Tomo to go along with the summoning ritual quite so agreeably. I mean, we're basically violating every possible rule of morality, religion, and occupational safety to reach our grubby hands into the warp and try to extract forbidden knowledge from the eldritch horrors within. Anyone else with a lick of sense would've probably told me to fuck off as soon as he saw the jiangshi heads. On that note... "Use the freshest ones!" I snap at him. "If it's breathing, that's good. If it tries to bite you, then all the better. Try not to use any that have gone all glassy-eyed. Mother was an amateur taxidermist, not a pro."

I continue to watch him struggle to set up the ritual while I recline on a nearby poolside lounger (don't ask me where I got it from) and sip on a frozen fruity drink with umbrellas and cherries and shit on top of it. It's got two shots of Cuervo in it because this is gonna be a long day and I need to hydrate. In actuality, this is more entertaining than I originally anticipated, mainly because of who I'm with. Tomo is a good sort, in that he was never really meant for this blood-soaked batshit ninja life. He's sensitive, gentle, and genuinely empathetic in a way that makes you feel all warm and tingly inside. He's so pure that it makes me genuinely feel bad to abuse him like this. But then again, it's that delicious shame that makes life worth living, and pretty boys worth exploiting.

"Did you really cut your stupid hand?" I chuckle at him. "This isn't one of your Chinese Cartoons, kid! There's like, tendons and arteries and shit in there. If you bust one of them you'll be unable to fight, much less rub one out. If you want to give blood, cut one of the veins on your forearm instead. I thought you emo shitlords knew this stuff already. Oh well." I set my drink down and give Tomo's efforts a once-over. "Good, good. This probably won't kill you. Note how I said 'you' and not 'us' because if we end up calling forth a real threat I'm gonna kneecap you and run.

"I guess I owe you an explanation, though, given that I'm talking about feeding you to creatures. In case you haven't guessed already, we're about to commit some S-rank, premium-cut, first-class, platinum-level theological dickery that in the best possible case stains our karma enough to send us both straight to hell when we die, and at worst might actually turn the entire planet into a giant, festering sore that explodes into celestial pus and causes the heat death of the universe. What I mean in plain Nihongo is that we're going to ask demons to help us make meth. If we survive and aren't driven mad, we're going to sell this meth to the cartels up in Port Cirrus. If the cartels don't kill us, we're going to make a metric fuckton of money. Like, more than Shinrya Kitsune has stuffed up her clambake. Now, we're going to summon Belphegor. Get naked and kneel before the altar. Oh, don't be squeamish, I've already seen you in the buff."

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo sharply turned his head to face Saeko, doing his best not to glare. "Damn it Takaki, I'm a manager, not a doctor." He rotate back to the alter and mumbled under his breath. "And you could have told me that before I sliced my hand." The Genin clenched and unclenched his cut hand, now feeling a hint worried that he'd done some irreversible damage. He made a mental note to visit the hospital after this affair was over, though he wasn't sure if he should be honest about exactly how he got the cut. Tomo couldn't deny that he got a hint of pleasure out of Saeko's compliment of his work. Of course it was short-lived however, as she decided to run her mouth. Tomo sighed, wondering if he should just give in to his fate of being forced to do crazy things by crazy people.

However, it seemed Saeko made a mistake by explaining the situation, as Tomo finally grew a hint of a backbone. "Now listen here. I'm all for gaining money, legally. I may not be the most morally sound man at times, but I can say without a doubt that I draw the line at demon summoning to create drugs to sell to the cartel. Unless you accidentally left out the part of us blowing up said cartel once the exchange is complete, consider me out." Tomo made a horizontal cutting motion with his hand. As his courage was still flowing, he continued. "And why don't YOU get naked? Aren't demons supposed to be into that whole 'taint a sexy lady' thing?" Tomo had no experience with demons, and if he could help it, he wanted to keep it that way. Though he should have just walked away, the dual-haired man remained where he was. Should Saeko get the idea in her head to do it herself, Tomo couldn't bring himself to leave her behind. Maybe it was due to his lingering devotion to Sennin Takaki. Maybe it was because Saeko reminded Tomo of a much more unstable Tama. Or perhaps, and this was a stretch, deep down Tomo found wild people desirable.

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Really? Is Mochizuki Tomo, a ladyboy infused with the thousand-year-old ashes of a dude whose highest aspiration was to dick his twin sister--by the way, the last bit is pure conjecture but was the grossest thing I could think of at the time--really trying to lecture me on morality? I let out my best ojou-sama laugh to his face, a good "doh hoh hoh hoh!"

"Fujobait, if you don't watch what you say, I might end up falling in love with you a little. My last relationship ended up with the guy frozen in carbonite." I smile coquettishly. "That said, it's one thing to want to blow up a Port Cirrus cartel because the news media says they're bad men and you have an itchy trigger finger, but it's nothing but hypocrisy to couch your lust for violence in the smegma-crusted trappings of morality. Did you just tell me that because you're a moral man, that instead of simply turning an honest profit from the sale of extraplanar dextroamphetamine compounds you'd rather slay a couple hundred men and women for what amounts to tax evasion? The big pharmaceuticals make their addictive adult candy the same way and sell to the same end-user, and the only difference is that the Shogunate gives them a monopoly on it. And what'll happen to those cartel men's kin? Most families in lightning are supported by a single breadwinner. You take that person away and babies starve, girls turn to whoring, and the boys shank respectable people in the streets. But I really like your style, blowing them up. Cosmo Ninja magazine says you're the type most likely to cuddle afterwards."

Around us, the jiangshi heads frantically contort, gibbering unholy sutras in a forgotten language that cuts their tongues into ribbons against their teeth. There's a growing red aura spilling out of the offering chalice and the skies have blackened overhead. It might or might not be raining blood. I'm too busy arguing with Tomo to notice. At his request to have me strip, my cheeks start to flush and I instinctively cross my arms over my chest.

"Y-you're in an awful hurry to see me naked, pervert! Ugh, this is why I hate virgins. Always thinking about how they're gonna con you into the sack. Miserable!" I pout. "Look, it's not actually for the demon's benefit. Do you think that Belphegor of the Seventy-Two Autocrats of Hell hasn't experienced every possible pleasure of the flesh? Your body is fine enough but it's salted dried squid compared to the delicious hermaphrodites of Al-Anur or the serpent tongued concubines of Indrajiti." As a side note, any healthy teenage girl should be well-versed in demonology. That's what mother always told me. "I'm getting you naked because in these rituals you have to rid yourself of unliving matter to really serve as the conduit between planes. You, sir, are a big male plug adapter. Now get nekkid!"

I start to try and pry his clothes off. Tomo resists me, but I manage to distract him by screaming out something like: "Oh shit! Tama-chan, it's not what it looks like!" so he looks behind him in a panic. I take advantage of his hidden siscon tendencies and manage to pull his pants down to his ankles. So entranced am I by the resultant sight--something golden and flawlessly erect like the celestial spire of Aion--that I fail to notice the red-skinned, gruff-faced creature sitting right behind me. On a toilet.

It gives a great "harrumph!" and kicks out one of its legs to catch me in the backside. I gasp and tumble face-first into that golden tower, sending Tomo reeling backwards to slam his head against the ground. He's got a concussion and I've got a mouthful of... Jesus Saito, this can't be happening.

"Your shitty comedy duo had better have a good reason for summoning me," Belphegor says. He looks nonplussed as he folds his newspaper up, crosses his legs, and stares at Tomo expectantly.

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

From the moment Saeko laughed, Tomo knew he was in for a long explanation on how he was wrong. Starting her lecture with a love warning certainly got the young man's attention. He couldn't help feeling a twinge guilty at considering it a bad thing for her to like him, but he could just tell that people she liked probably didn't have the healthiest lives...or the longest. The speech shifted to morality, which was always a frustrating conversation. He knew all too well the moral grayness of the world, but one needs to decide where they stand and work toward that goal. At least that's what his eldest sister would say. Her ANBU life had given her a wisdom and perspective on the world that Tomo admired, and he usually hung on her every word. She was the nicest sibling to him after all.

The Genin sighed through his nose. He wasn't sure he appreciated that she focused on his comment to blow them up. He was just giving an example. Explosions were messy, a very Tama-esque way to fight. He preferred clean shots to the head, but he figured there'd be more than a few dozen members there. Tomo could hear a racket from the heads he'd hung, and his brows furrowed in worry. Apparently something was beginning, whether either of them was naked or not. The area appeared to get darker, and he felt something drip on his hair. He didn't dare look up. It's just rain. It's just rain. It's just rain. It probably wasn't.

Tomo returned his focus to Saeko as she ranted about him being a pervert and the like. He rolled his eyes, wondering if she saw the irony in her words. She explained the true reason for his necessary undressing, and she reached for his pants. He smacked her hands away as best he could. "Why don't YOU be the plug adapter! I happen to like wearing clothes thank you." He could only hold her off so long before she resorted to a cheap tactic. Hearing his sister's name, Tomo whipped his head back. "Of course you'd appear at the most inopportune ti-HEY!" Realizing too late that he'd been duped, Tomo felt a brisk draft upon his nether region. Between the struggle and the pleasant temperature change, Tomo's face flushed at his condition, which Saeko stopped to ogle. "Hey. My eyes are up here Saeko. Who's the pervert now?" Tomo averted his gaze, not wanting to know if Saeko found him impressive or not. While his attention was away, the Genin was also unaware of the new observer.

Only when he heard the creature grunt did Tomo notice him. However, the young man didn't have time to react to the demon on the toilet, for Saeko was forcefully kicked towards Tomo. A groan escaped his lips, in response to the simultaneous pain and pleasure he felt upon landing on the ground. He would have lost consciousness from the intense throbbing of his brain if his other head wasn't doing the same thing. Cease and desist Tomo-boy! Before we're forced to fade to black! Haruki's voice rang loudly in Tomo's head, and the Genin groaned again. Tomo could feel his body heating up, and then...and then...he burst. Into confetti. Getting all of his papery goodness in Saeko's mouth.

Tomo reappeared not far off with tiny paper hearts and stars floating around him. His gaze fell upon the woman who had taken the full force of his explosion. His eyes widened and he placed his hands upon his cheeks. "She's so...beautiful."

It was love at first concussive sight, and Tomo rushed to the woman and took her hand in his. "Be the sine to my cosine?" Math pick up lines, definitely not Tomo's best choice for flirty one-liners. However, between his jumbled brain cells and his half-naked body, Saeko should be glad that Tomo didn't turn into a horn-dog while not in his right mind. Not that Tomo could force himself on her even if he tried. She was a power to be reckoned with after all.

His mind still completely warped, Tomo turned to Belphegor upon hearing the large being speak. The young man wrapped an arm around Saeko's shoulder and pulled her close to him. "My beloved and I want to make some meth. Well, I don't want to make meth personally, but whatever snuggle bear wants, snuggle bear gets. Isn't that right snuggle bear?" Tomo faced Saeko and nuzzled his nose into her cheek. "So hop to it Mister Belphegregorerer, let's get cookin'! Meth cookin!"

[WC: 762]
[MFT]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

Today just keeps getting better and better. Of course, by "better" I mean "the climaxing rage of a thousand exploding stars." And speaking of bursting celestial bodies, Tomo's beginning to throb in the most dangerous way possible, and I don't mean his concussion. They aren't lying when they say virgins have no self-control or sense of restraint. I mean, what's it been, a half-second of unintentional alignment? Before I can fully extract myself (actually, more like extract him) from the situation, the dam breaks and we're all swept away in the flood.

It hits the back of my throat and I have no choice but to swallow some to keep from suffocating. Thick, almost velvety in texture, it smells faintly like pine forest and sepia. A pleasant combination, but in this quantity it's somewhat nauseating. He must have denied himself release for a long time prior to this because the sheer amount of shredded (but high-quality!) paper he's turned into is enough to knock me backwards into a confused, gagging heap on the ground. What, did you think I was talking about something nasty? Shame on you, perverted reader.

"You *cough* little bastard!" I sputter at him with murder in soul. "You think I'm some sort of recycling bin? *cough* I'm gonna take an ax to that tree of yours! *cough* I'll grind away the stump! I'll--"

Oh Jesus Saito, is he giving me googly eyes? Horrified, I try to swat him away but he won't be dissuaded by mere force. Even more horrifically, I can't help but find myself flattered by it. At least Tomo seems to be the sort who'll take responsibility. He sure has a dirty mouth, though. You don't approach a woman with trigonometric pickup lines. That's just lewd.

"Ew, gross! You don't say that kind of thing in public! We haven't been married long enough for that to be remotely acceptable to say, even in private!" Rage turns to embarrassment. I try desperately to spit out the last few pieces of confetti left lurking between my teeth.

All of this misguided flirtation, however, has made me forget the most important and most dangerous issue facing us right now: of course, Belphegor. I tear my attention away from Tomo to try to regain some semblance of dignity and control before I essentially order the demon to make us a lot of drugs. You have to put on a fearless front for these abominations, otherwise they'll take every last opportunity to toss your ass into perdition.

Unfortunately, Tomo's beaten me to the punch. He's also calling me "snuggle bear." I can't say which is worse. A brain-scrambled fool trying to negotiate with one of the kings of Hell, or getting called "snuggle bear." I have to really restrain myself from just twisting Tomo's head off right there. Which head, do you ask? ...Does it matter?

Belphegor throws his head back and laughs at us. "You want me to show you the secret of making meth? You idiots. Anyone with access to the interwebs--which I invented, by the way--can look it up. I can't guarantee most of those recipes won't blow you to gooey bits, but that's part of the fun! Now, what do you really want, or did you call me here just to screw around?" His expression darkens, as much as a demon's expression conceivably can. "If you're seriously wasting my time, I'll sew you together and use your twisted form as my toilet for all eternity."

"Nonononono! We're not wasting your time, your excellency!" I protest, trying to laugh off his very real and infinitely horrific threat. "You see, this pathetic man next to me is a twenty-three-year-old genin. He's a coward and a disgrace to his family and he's also got no sense of self-control! I wanted to help him get promoted because of reasons, so we wanted to summon you to help us out with that!"

"What does becoming a meth addict have to do with undoing his disgrace?" Belphegor fixes a jaundiced eye on Tomo. "This one's a true pervert, by the way. Do you know that he shares his corpus with a sis-con? Say, Haruki. If you want it so badly I can simply call Haruko here and let you have your way with her. It'll be in Tama's body but what does it matter? Actually, I'll do you one better. If it pleases you, I'll even wipe those annoying Mochizuki souls from those fine bodies you possess. No one will ever know. You'll be reborn as gods in a world that will bow before your power.

"And you, Takaki Saeko. I have a better way to make you happy than some convoluted drug deal in which you'll just end up penniless and bleeding from your ass. Why don't I simply separate By-Tor from your beloved Jo by force? You'll have your man back, minus the annoying demon bits. Perhaps minus his sanity, but them's the breaks, little girl. Surely that's a more pleasing alternative than blowing yourself up with internet recipes written by retards, or coaching sister-fucking cowards for peanuts. To think that your esteemed father once killed my most loyal captain years ago. He'd be ashamed of the depths to which his daughter has fallen."

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

Tomo listened to the demon, but a rattled brain makes comprehension the more difficult task in the conversation. The demon's threat was given a response that only a brain-damaged, love-sick fool could. "As long as I'm stuck like glue to my darling snuggle bear. Or what? Sewn together? Hmm...might hurt more...but I'll endure any pain for snuggly wuggly bearsie shmearsie." The longer Tomo remained concussed, the more ridiculous this situation was probably going to become.

Saeko jumped in, trying to explain their reason for summoning the great Belphegor. Tomo scratched the back of his head in confusion, as he didn't recall that part of their conversation, if they even had it. "I thought we just wanted to make a bunch of money by cooking meth. We really need to work on our conversational skills boozey-woozey." The young man turned to Belphegor. "Maybe you could give us some couples therapy? I've been feeling like she hasn't been listening to me and..." Tomo was ignored as the large demon spoke to Haruki. "Who's Haruki?" I'm Haruki you twat! "Woah! Voice in my head? You have a name?" I'm not just the voice in your head Tomo-boy, I'm a soooul of my own. Now shush! I'm trying to converse with the devil. "But if you're in my head, how will he hear you?" He's an all-powerful demon lord Tomo-boy. I can say without a doubt that he can hear me. You must have hit your head harder than I thought. "I hit my head?! Am I okay?!" Obviously not. Now why don't you let me take over for a moment. I'm sure I'll need to sign some sort of contract or what-have you. "Why? So you can bang some Tama chick who isn't your real lady? Some demon if he can't even make you and her your own bodies. Clearly all of his five-star reviews were just him and his friends hyping up his powers. Take my advice. Don't do it. You'll just end up in Judge Jyudi's court and she'll ridicule you for not having a job and..."

Tomo again was ignored as the demon turned his attention to Saeko. Once the creature was finished, Tomo fell to his knees, holding his head in his hands. "Noooooooooooooo! Why?! Who's this Jo-shmo?! I thought we had something special? Don't you remember all the good times we've had together?! Like when we *caw* under the tree and you *caw* until I *caw* and we laaaaughed and laaaaaughed and then *caw* some more?" Funny how a random crow flying by kept calling. Coincidence, or destiny? I say yestiny. Tomo crawled on his knees and clasped his hands together before the woman. "You've gotta take me back! Think of the children! What will they do without their Pop-Pop? Upon whom will they hop-hop? My tears are flowing, I need a mop-mop." Tomo face planted into the ground, sobbing into the dirt. Hmm...Lord Belphegor, let me get back to you. It's just a bit too effortless at present. It wouldn't be the same to do this without a bit of resistance. Empty wins are simply unfabulous. Where's the fun if you can't flaunt? Oh, but do go ahead and take care of that Tama/Haruko problem. It would be marvelous for my Darling Haruko to have a bit of practice with that body before we *caw*. Wait, how does that bird's call cover up what I said? Haruki remained baffled as Tomo continued to blubber on the ground.

[WC: 580]
[MFT]

 

[Takaki Saeko]

There's an old tale out there about a man who sold himself to the Devil. Frustrated by the unlucky combination of lack of talent and an obsessive drive, he found himself penniless, ragged, and clutching the only thing he had left in the world: that which he could never master. About to perish from starvation and the pox, he fell to his knees at the crossroads, beneath the old hanging tree where the corpses still swayed, and gladly took the demon's offer. Some say that he was trying to become a musical virtuoso. Some say he was trying to pass an exam. Others say that he wished to avenge his murdered family. The specifics of the story matter not compared to the overall parable: that sometimes, we're just not good enough. Sometimes, we need to sacrifice everything to grow, to triumph, and to survive.

Right now, I'm on my knees at the crossroads beneath that old hanging tree, and the noose is tightening and I can't breathe. The rope is made of everything. It's Tomo's blubbering. It's the fact that if I fuck this all up I'm going to end up used as a demon's toilet for all eternity. It's the fact that my father threw his life away like a song. It's the fact that my mother's guts still stain the hintertombs. It's that Jo, despite all of his bluster and his love, is losing the fight against his own demon and that I'll have to put him down soon. Why keep fighting? Why torment myself with things I can't ever hope to control? Perhaps the better part of valor is to let myself be hoisted up, to join the congregation swinging from the branches, and forget my cares once and for all. Just stop fighting, Saeko, and everything will be okay.

Oh, crap. I glance at Tomo, who writhes helpless and brain-damaged in the dirt. I still have obligations to meet. I told that man I'd get his worthless ass to chuunin, all in exchange for peanuts of course. I can't give in yet. I can always end myself after I get him that stupid vest. By then, Jo will be dead by my hand. Then I can be at peace. I drag myself up to my feet and aim a kick at Tomo's ribs.

"You two listen to me! I won't repeat myself. First, Tomo, you're about a hundred years too early to try n' impregnate me! If you want in these pantsu, get yourself the hell together and back me up! Second, Lord Belphegor, I only have one thing to say to your offer."

"Hmm?" Belphegor leans in a licks his lips.

"Get out of here and go fuck yourself!" With that, I draw a stiletto hidden within a sheath inside my sleeve and plunge it into my own chest.

It hurts like balls going in and the tip lodges deep in the parenchyma of my left lung. But it's enough to complete the last and most important phase of the entire summoning ritual: namely, sending the demon home. You see, that's the part every overambitious summoner always screws up, with devastating consequences. Demons like it here on the mortal plane, mainly because they enjoy torturing and toying with humans and there are a lot of us. To send a lord like Belphegor packing without delay, you have to satisfy the law of modus tollens, or the way that denies by denying. The demon was summoned by my desire, and thus by denying my desire, he has no legal standing to be here anymore. How do you make an irrefutable proof like that? Simple: you kill yourself.

Or at least, I'm hoping that I showed the intent without following through on actually, you know, offing myself. I know enough anatomy to avoid hitting anything vital. ...Or maybe I don't. Shit, I think I nicked my right ventricle by accident. Before the world fades to black I can see Belphegor's face contorted in rage as he starts to dissolve into angry red sparkles of hellglitter. He tries to reach for Tomo, presumably to abscond to hell and shit in the poor boy's mouth for all eternity, but he's already too ethereal to make the grab. Ah, dammit, for all my talk about not giving up on life I ended up sending my hitpoints to zero, anyway. At least Tomo's saved. Perhaps some other idiot will make him a chuunin in the end. And I never got to sleep with the pretty bastard...

[Please help Saeko not die. Mouth to mouth is totally fine, lol.]

 

[Tanuki Rinko]

A swift kick to his ribs caused Tomo to roll across the ground, and his forehead made contact with a sharp stone in the dirt. How a hit to the skull fixed Tomo's concussion, only a medical ninja would know, but somehow it brought him back to his senses. Lifting himself up on all fours, Tomo's eyes flicked to Saeko when she yelled for him to listen. He cocked an eyebrow, as he had no recollection of the past few minutes. "Get in your...oh for the love of Raiden. When did I ever say I wanted in your panties? And that weird conversation in the pond doesn't count, as it was completely unintentional. And why is my face wet?" However, Tomo's words were lost, as Saeko had already turned her attention to Belphegor. Tomo couldn't deny he was impressed with the woman's courage, to tell a demon lord off like that. However, her courage soon turned to foolhardiness as Saeko pierce her chest with stiletto.

Tomo attempted to rise to his feet, but he fell back when his vision blurred. One too many strikes to the head was making it hard for him to remain conscious. He watched as the demon's hand reached for him, only for it to pass right through. In a matter of seconds, Belphegor was no more, and Tomo pulled himself together enough to make it to Saeko's side. His hands hovered over the dagger as he strained to find a solution. He wasn't a med-nin, he couldn't heal her. The best he could do was stop her bleeding and carry her to the hospital...if he could make it that far.

Uncapping his well of ink, Tomo coated his right hand in the black liquid. He grasped the hilt of the dagger in his left hand and took in a breath. He yanked the blade and quickly rested his right hand upon the wound. Pushing the ink with his chakra, Tomo attempted to seal her internal and external wounds with solidified ink. Hoping his attempt to help wasn't actually harming instead, he grabbed Saeko's arms and turned himself around. Pulling her onto his back, Tomo rested his arms underneath her butt to hold her up. Ink wrapped around their torsos to keep them together. Wincing at the pain in his head, Tomo took off in a sprint towards the hospital.

The Genin was almost to the building when a sharp pain in his brain brought him to his knees. His breathing was heavy, and the ink keeping Saeko close to him was beginning to liquefy. "Not now. I can't stop now. Just...a little...more." Tomo grunted as he got to his feet, only to collapse again. "No. Saeko...Sennin Takaki...I'm sorry..." Tomo's eyes closed as he passed out on the street.

Seconds later, the man's eyes flicked open, and with little effort lifted himself and Saeko off the ground. "Really Tomo-boy. What would you do without me? I'll be nice this time and finish what you started. But I'll be claiming my reward soon after. I take it you won't be opposed to me stealing a moment with my darling Haruko?" There was only silence in Haruki's mind, as Tomo was not conscious to argue. "I thought not." Chuckling to himself, Haruki carried Saeko the rest of the way to the hospital before going in search of Tama.

[Topic Left Carrying Saeko Unless Stopped]
[Ya gotta almost drowned if you want some of this lip action >]