Who I Have Become

[Tanatsu Neko]

Neko's eyes watched his for a moment, she hesitated. She wanted desperately to hold on to this moment and ignore what she saw right there, her mind just wouldn't shut up, it couldn't drop it. She was pleading with herself for it to stop and his eyes to just be a trick of the light, as much as she knew it never could have been. 'please.. I just.. he's right there we can just.. we don't need to point it out, pretend you don't see it Neko just.. what.. am I doing..'

"Roku you.. your eyes." Her body followed his gentle pull but she was clearly debating pulling back. Before she could she looked up and locked eyes with his once more. "You don't mean that.. right? It's ..." She backed up and away from him just barely. "You're just, playing along. What.." She cleared her throat and covered her face in embarrassment for a second before turning back and forcing it all down. "You're eyes are turning red, and not in the sand in them way dar.. Roku.." She sighed knowing she just killed the moment. She had made the choice to ruin what might have been, all to point out his eyes.

'good job.. great..'

 

[Okami Roku]

"Wha-"

He would feel her resistance and in that moment, he would snap out of his dream.

"Playing? My eyes?"

The confusion he had felt prior, one that almost danced around euphoric ecstasy, would now be replaced by the cold hard confusion of the unknown. A confusion that was a mixture of panic and frustration. He wasn't sure what she was talking about, he was still suffering from whiplash breaking out of the moment and back into reality. He had never had to process embarrassment before, at least not since his time in The Community. Humility was quickly stripped from him then, so it was easier to just dismiss it. For whatever reason, a reason he could not quite understand just yet, this moment made him feel that emotion.

Breaking his hold on her hand he brought his hand up to cover his eye. He, however, was unsure of which eye was wrong so he would mistakenly cover up the right eye, which was still more gold than red, leaving his red left eye fully exposed.

"I'm sorry--I am wrong...there is... something--" his panicked and hapless red eye would look straight at her as he began to shuffle backward away from her, "--I'm sorry."

Fight or flight would return once more, but in this situation, the flight would be a much stronger pull. Because he was in a state of heightened confusion, he did not fully comprehend what was happening with his eyes. However, he could now see a glowing orb centered within Neko. From his peripheral, he would notice other orbs down below. While he still could not fully process the situation, it would appear that he was able to see what some might call the soul.

Oh my... how surprising... she is put off by just a glimpse of the real you... tried to warn ya, kid.




MFT - 310


[Byakugan from Chimera reflavored for Hybrid shenanigans]

 

[Tanatsu Neko]

Neko would cross her arm to the other, holding onto her bicep in a clear display of feeling upset. "I was.. I am sorry.. I should go, I shouldn't have pushed." She looked anywhere but to him in this moment, her mind filling with her own self deprecating commentary. 'How could you just let your wall down the first time a boy pays you any mind? We are smarter than that, leave, before he can say anything to hurt you just go.'

She couldn't really move in that moment however, as his words landed on her with weight, "I am wrong" ringing in her mind like a bomb had gone off. Silencing all else that was going on in her mind, that moment, she was not thinking but acting purely on instinct. Her instinct was always to run, it had been since she was a child, but some how in this moment it was anything but that. She was staying in that situation, and she was speaking before she could think to stop herself.

"Roku, you're not wrong. I am. I shouldn't have kept pushing in that moment, you just.. I.. I don't know. I was nervous, and you made that float away for just a moment. You made my mind.. quiet.. I should go, but please.. I don't.. I don't think you're wrong. I really.. Really don't. I think you're all too right, and that's not something I think makes any sense for me, I should." She stopped her rambling just for a moment, pushing into herself again and putting back up those delicately built walls inside her mind. Her form stiffening, and face firming. "Right.. I um.. I will leave, I've clearly said the wrong thing." She started off toward where she had come from, while her body was firm and expression was as well, her eyes betrayed her once again. A small pool forming in each as she stifled her emotions, trying her best to not let anything be seen or heard. She couldn't be seen or heard, it wasn't supposed to be that way. She needed to go before...

"Please, just don't hate me next time we meet. I am sorry."

She'd then keep her head on straight and try to leave before she could hurt her own feelings any more.

[topic left unless stopped.]

 

[Okami Roku]

He would watch and listen. He was confused as to what to do next. He was confused as to what happened. He was confused as to what he should or shouldn't do. There was so much, so much swirling, so much madness, so many emotions that were not fully understood or concrete enough to process correctly.

No, don't leave. Stay. Talk to me.

She would begin to leave. She would offer him words to let him know he wasn't wrong, but in his mind she was not answering to what he was questioning. She did not know him, because he didn't know himself. She couldn't accurately assess if he was or wasn't wrong, if whatever he was or wasn't didn't make him a monster or something to be judged. This line of thinking caused him to hold a bit of resentment at her trying to speak on his situation without even knowing it.

Let me tell you everything--The Community, my sister, the torture, the night it all went black, the man, Sousuke--let me tell you it all! It will be too much, it might scare you off anyways, but I'd rather you know it and leave than leave like this... please don't leave like this...

His hand would lower from his eye as he watched her leave. He had to say something. He had to do something. What could he do? His legs did not feel like they were working, his body felt stiff and drained, his eyes were starting to play tricks on him and his brain was caught in a fog. Yet, even with all of that, there was still something that forced its way out.

"YOU AREN'T WRONG, NEKO! YOU ARE--"

His words would boom out as he yelled out to the departing female, unsure if she could actually hear him or not, although it would be very clear to many others in the area as his voice range out from the rooftop.

"--YOU ARE COOL!"

It wasn't what he wanted to say, but it wasn't against how he felt.

You used that word again, huh?

It's thematic. Our paths will cross again...

Nerd... just another failed attempt at relationships with humans... it's about time you forgo this painfully miserable experiment, this trying to fit in, and start being what you should be. Take the hint, she was the first person who had shown you any kindness since joining here, and even she ended up fleeing from you.

You are wrong...

But he didn't know if he truly believed the voice was wrong or not. Instead, he would just stand silently on the roof until sunrise.

[Topic Left once Neko is fully gone]